Wednesday, August 30, 2017

This Just in to the Nothing New Under the Sun Department:

"The absence of explicitly racist rhetoric afforded the racial nature of his coded appeals a certain plausible deniability. For example, when Reagan kickoff his presidential campaign at the annual Neshoba County Fair near Philadelphia, Mississippi, the town where three civil rights activists were murdered in 1964, he assured the crowd, "I believe in states' rights," and promised to restore to states and local governments the power that properly belonged to them. His critics promptly alleged that he was signaling a racial message to his audience, suggesting allegiance with those who resisted desegregation. But Regan firmly denied it, forcing liberals into a position that would soon become familiar: arguing that something is racist but finding it impossible to prove in the absence of explicitly racist."

The New Jim Crow
by Michelle Alexander

Wow. 

I knew I was no Reagan fan, of course, but I never thought of him as a racist. In fact, a little Googling seemed to prove that the opposite was true--e.g. these comments he made to the 1981 NAACP National Convention:

 "A few isolated groups in the backwater of American life still hold perverted notions of what America is all about. Recently in some places in the nation there's been a disturbing reoccurrence of bigotry and violence. If I may, from the platform of this organization, known for its tolerance, I would like to address a few remarks to those groups who still adhere to senseless racism and religious prejudice, to those individuals who persist in such hateful behavior.
"If I were speaking to them instead of to you, I would say to them, 'You are the ones who are out of step with our society. You are the ones who willfully violate the meaning of the dream that is America. And this country, because of what it stands for, will not stand for your conduct.' My administration will vigorously investigate and prosecute those who, by violence or intimidation, would attempt to deny Americans their constitutional rights."

But my arms is too short to box with Michelle Alexander--because 
(1) I like her,
(2) I am sure that she knows one hell of a lot more about American presidential history than I do, and
(3) what matters here is more the point: that for most of the history of this country politicians have used racial hatred as a fulcrum to advance their own political agendas, careers, and livelihoods.

Motherfuckers one and all.

But especially


P.S. If you're interested, the full text of President Reagan's speech can be found at http://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/ws/index.php?pid=44016&st=NAACP&st1=Denver .

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Notre Dame des Paris, Quasimodo, Jacqueline, & The Bells Bells Bells Bells Bells Bells Bells

Jacqueline and I have been reading "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"--which is actually Notre Dame des Paris, of course of course--for awhile now. It's been slow going, with very little mention of Quasimodo or Esmerelda for the first 90 pages. Actually with very little mention of anybody--it's mostly about architecture so far. But we just started a chapter in which Quasimodo is featured, and tonight I was reading this bit--

"After all, he turned his face towards men only with reluctance; his cathedral was peopled with marble figures — kings, saints, bishops — who at least did not burst out laughing in his face, and who gazed upon him only with tranquillity and kindliness. The other statues, those of the monsters and demons, cherished no hatred for him, Quasimodo. He resembled them too much for that. They seemed, rather, to be scoffing at other men. The saints were his friends, and blessed him; the monsters were his friends and guarded him. So he held long communion with them. He sometimes passed whole hours crouching before one of these statues, in solitary conversation with it. If any one came, he fled like a lover surprised in his serenade."

And that made me think about Jacqueline and how she talks to churches and saints . . . and yes, they do answer her. There is usually an ongoing dialogue when you're in her presence, and while other characters--Mickey Mouse, our cats Roister and Jet, Babette from Raggedy Ann--do make appearances, it's mostly churches and saints. And thinking about the parallels between Quasimodo and Jacqueline was more than a bit disturbing, of course--for obvious reasons. So I tamped those thoughts down and kept on reading. And then I came to this bit:

"And the cathedral was not only society for him, but the universe, and all nature besides. He dreamed of no other hedgerows than the painted windows, always in flower; no other shade than that of the foliage of stone which spread out, loaded with birds, in the tufts of the Saxon capitals; of no other mountains than the colossal towers of the church; of no other ocean than Paris, roaring at their bases. What he loved above all else in the maternal edifice, that which aroused his soul, and made it open its poor wings, which it kept so miserably folded in its cavern, that which sometimes rendered him even happy, was the bells. He loved them, fondled them, talked to them, understood them. From the chime in the spire, over the intersection of the aisles and nave, to the great bell of the front, he cherished a tenderness for them all. The central spire and the two towers were to him as three great cages, whose birds, reared by himself, sang for him alone. Yet it was these very bells which had made him deaf; but mothers often love best that child which has caused them the most suffering." 

And of course that was just really ripping loose the seams of my heart. And just to make matters worse, as I read, Jacqueline was jingling a little bell that I'd bought her at a yard sale yesterday. 1

And if that's not enough, as I continued to read, I came upon this passage:




I mean, SERIOUSly, this is some Matrix level kind of shit. If it didn't happen all the time I would be freaking out right now.

Just sayin', sir.








1  Yeah, I know how unlikely that sounds, so I had her grab my Kindle and I took a picture. And then I prettied it up with the Deep Art app. And then I tried a couple different styles on Deep Art and couldn't decide which of two I liked best, so here are both of them:



This Week's Comics 8/23/17




That long list of comics (https://songsofinnocenceampexperience.blogspot.com/2017/07/this-weeks-comics-2017.html) is getting a tad unwieldy. And it looks like I'm actually going to be faithful to the weekly tracking of the four colors, so ahmo see how this goes.


8/23/17

Action Comics #986 Gettin' pretty good again . . . and it looks like Dan Jurgens will be coming back soon, which I'm all for.






Batman #29 It's been a long time since I bought a Batman comic book. But I was thinking, "I really like Tom King's work on Injustice 2 so much . . . why am I not buying his Batman? So I picked up this issue and read it and enjoyed it and am just now realizing that Tom King does not write Injustice 2, Tom Taylor does. But hey, what's $2.99 + tax - 15% off (thank you, The Great Escape) between friends? And I really did enjoy this issue of Batman quite a bit. For one thing, the premise was kind of stupid and awesome: Bruce Wayne invites The Joker and The Riddler over to his house for dinner. A nine course dinner. So the story is basically structured around the nine courses. And although The Joker does throw a knife at The Riddler, other than that there is no actual violence. And a lot of panels of food and people eating. Very cool. I might buy the next issue just to see what else is going on here.

Detective #963 So I guess I'm buying this book again. And shit, #1000 is only 37 issues (a year and a half) away . . . . It's been quite good, much to my surprise. The whole Team Batman idea leaves me cold, and I've not been a big fan of James Tynion IV's work in the past, but this time around it is sitting well with me.

Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps # 26 and #27  I actually meant to buy #26 when it came out, but didn't happen to see it. Wanted to see what The New Gods were up to these days. I have to say, though, that this is probably the worst title for a comic book that I've ever heard of. WTF? The only way to make it worse would have been to add a few hash tags. Both issues were pretty dopey. I don't think I need the rest of the story. In fact, if I'd just bought #26, I am pretty sure that I wouldn't have bought #27. For one thing, this is a "tie-in" to DC's big METAL event, and I just don't give the slightest fuck about that. For another thing, I don't like the way that they've portrayed Orion here--they've slimmed him down and given him a dumbass bicycling-looking helmet. Peace out on this one.

Kamanda Challenge #8  I don't want to talk about it. Well, just this: I read the first 12 pages of this book (about half) and just had to stop. The story is so fucking stupid. And not just in the "Kamandi's falling again" way, and not just in the "this is a bad version of stuff Jack Kirby did forty years ago" way, though of course it was both of those things. But in the "we're contradicting shit we just put on the table a few panels ago" way. And while Keith Giffen has never been one of my favorite writers, he is usually better than this shit. And Steve Rude is one of my favorite artists, but even his work looks kind of shitty to me here. So much so that in one panel I didn't even know what had happened until I'd read on for a page, realized I'd missed something significant, and went back and searched the key panel for information. It was more like a Where's Waldo? exercise than like reading a comic book by a master storyteller. Fuuuuuuck. Four issues to go. I am going to offer a prayer and some sacrifices to the Comic Book Gods that DC just cancels this piece of shit so I don't have to keep buying it and suffering. Because of course I will buy it to the bitter end. I have to, man. It's Kamandi. But it sucks SO hard. Clearly I'm not the only one who feels this way. Comichron's July sales figures (the latest available) indicate that Kamandi Challenge #7 was "best selling" title number162 out of 384 with a mere 12,451. Even in these peaked days that's not good. In fact, I propose a new rule: Any title which sells fewer copies than an Scooby Doo title must be immediately cancelled by the publisher. It's a good rule, man. And I say that with all love for Scooby Doo. (But how in the fucking fuckety fuck does that character have THREE ongoing books? Sheesh.) ANYway, Kamandi Challenge has done the very difficult hat trick of ruining one of my favorite characters, using some of the greatest living comic book talents to produce their worst work, and pissing on the monument of Jack Kirby that they were attempting to erect . . . before it was even built. Kind of like the cover to Who's Next? Enough, ye Gods! Enough!

Nightwing: The New Order #1  I paid $3.99 (+ tax -15% discount) for this book, so you know I was really interested. And my interest was justified, as this was a really good comic book. My only regret is that I didn't investigate further to discover that the variant cover was by Paul Pope. Man. I NEED that cover. But hey, somehow the cover of my copy of this book got messed up--a few drops of water that bubbled up the paper in a few small spots--so maybe I need to go ahead and get a fresh copy.

Spy Seal #1  Almost missed out on this one. I'd seen it in Previews and wanted to take a look at it when it hit the stands, but I forgot about it, and since I pick up my books on Friday instead of when they come out on Wednesday, I managed to miss it when it sold out. But when I was checking out there was a copy propped up by the cash register. Just waiting for me. I also had a nice little chat with the cute gal who was working today. I like chatting with cute girls. And the book was superb. Very European. In fact, so much so that I just Googled writer / artist Rich Tommaso to see if he was European . . . and I stumbled into a basket of deplorable shit. Read a couple of articles in which Mr. Tommaso was talking about how horrible pre-order sales were for Spy Seal, and how depressed he was and how he didn't know how he was going to make it financially. Wow. It really made me wish that I was rich enough to send him a big fat check. So if you're within sound of my voice, please buy this book. You won't regret it. If you go to Comics Beat (http://www.comicsbeat.com/meanwhile-one-image-creator-opens-up-on-low-sales-and-heres-the-book-hes-talking-about/ ) there's an article by Heidi McDonald and a cover and four page preview of Spy Seal #1. Check it out. Then buy a copy! Or two. If your comic book shop is out, it's time to give Comixology a shot. They never run out!









Comixology look out list:

The Chimera Brigade #1 Confusing. There's issue 1, now at $2.99, Volume 1 for $5.99, and Collection Volume 1 (coming in March, like The Madness) for $14.99. All of which makes me think . . . fuck these guys.

Die Kitty Die Looks like a fun comic--kind of like a PG13 version of the old Archie books. $3.99 per issue and four issues out so far, so if a collection comes out, I'm there.


The Fourth Planet by Fred Kennedy and Miko Maciaszek: #1 and #2 went to $2.99, looks like it won't go down from there unless there's a sale, so ahmo get #1 and see how that goes.


Glenn Gould: A Life Off Tempo Really interested in this, but not for $15







Buy List:

(1) Action Comics #986

(2) Black Monday Murders #5

Detective Comics #963

(3)  Eclipse #7 #8 is out at reduced price . . . no sign of #9

(4) Hadrian's Wall #7 (8 issue series) #8 is out at full price

(5) Image + #13

(6) Injustice 2 #19

(7) Kamandi Challenge #8 (12 issue series)

(8) Mirror #7

(9) Motor Girl #7

(10) Nightwing: The New Order #1

(11) Previews #347

(12) Rock Candy Mountain #4

(13) Royal City #5 

(14) Saga #45

(15) Spy Seal #1

(16) Steam Wars: First Empire #4 End of issue #4 said "To Be Continued . . . . " but that was four months ago. Whu hoppen?

(17) The Walking Dead #170




line through title = losing interest in this book
underlined title   = buying the print version of this book

Read It & You Will Weep.


I just started reading The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander (published in 2010), and I can already tell that this book is going to put some rips in my heart and fry some of my brain cells. In fact, I can already feel the small stitches straining and the edges of neurons crisping, and part of me wants to stop it right now and not be dismayed at the abysmal behavior of my fellow man. But I think I've got to see it through.

Here's a taste of it if you want to see if it's something you need.

"The most ardent proponents of racial hierarchy have consistently succeeded in implementing new racial caste systems by triggering a collapse of resistance across the political spectrum. This feat has been achieved largely by appealing to the  racism and vulnerability of lower-class whites, a group of people who are understandably eager to ensure that they never find themselves trapped at the bottom of the American hierarchy. The emergence of each new system of control may seem sudden, but history shows that the seeds are planted long before each new institution begins to grow."

THE NEW JIM CROW 
by Michelle Alexander 

Oh, and by the way . . . in a totally unrelated story, I just found an article by Andrew Flowers (published November 11, 2016 at 1:43 pm) entitled "Where Trump Got His Edge" in which the writer asserts that "Donald Trump won Tuesday’s election by racking up big margins in counties that are, on average, older, whiter and less-educated than the rest of the U.S." 

Hmpf.

Well, at least that was the last we saw of that kind of thing.

John Kasich Says



"Everybody needs to start doing something to raise the bar and stop waiting on somebody else or blaming somebody else and say, 'Well, they didn't do it, therefore I don't have any responsibility.' Baloney! We see what the disfunction in our country . . . .  We can't wait for it to be fixed out of The White House any more. We've gotta do it where we are."

John Kasich
Governor of Ohio
Would Have Been a Better President Than You Know Who

Saturday, August 26, 2017

The Unrelenting Cruelty of Women



I've not yet read any of Philip Roth's books. I'd meant to when I was dating The Librarian--because she liked him a lot and told me enough about his work to get me interested in him. I even checked out one of his books from the library, and meant to get to it. I never opened it, though.

But last year I went to see Indignation (Pat's choice) and liked it. And just a few days ago I saw the dvd of American Pastoral at the library, and Jennifer Connelly's face caught my eye, so I picked it up, and when I saw that Ewan McGregor and Dakota Fanning--both of whom I like immensely--were also in it, I decided to give it a look-see.

And I watched all of the extra features first, as usual, and it looked like it was going to be good. 

And I watched the movie. 

And it really blew me away. 

Now I'm watching it again with the director's commentary on, and I think I'll probably watch tbe movie again tomorrow.

There are several scenes in this movie that are so captivating that you just fall right into the screen.

Like when Rita Cohen (played by the superb Valorie Curry) attempts to seduce Swede Levov (played by Ewan McGregor--who also directed the movie . . . and the story of how he came to make his directorial debut is a story well worth hearing . . . and you can hear it on one of the EXTRA featurettes, so I'll leave that to you). Well . . . seduce isn't really the right word there. It's much too brutal to be a seduction. It's a woman using her sexuality as a weapon. It's a woman being cruel to a man who has been rendered powerless and vulnerable by the loss of his daughter. And she just doesn't let up on him. There's no mercy in her heart . . . despite the fact that he has done nothing to harm her. She has been hurt, though, and she sees an opportunity to exert her power over someone else, so she does it. She also sees him as representing many of the things that she hates--a successful capitalist who exploits black workers both economically and sexually--and even though none of her assumptions is true, she has already decided who he is and can't be dislodged from that perspective. 

Just about every scene that Dakota Fanning (as Meredith "Merry" Levov) is in is mesmerizing. She is just an amazing actor. Many of those mesmerizing scenes, however, involve her being really mean and snotty to her father (again, Swede Levov) . . . and he obviously dotes on her. But she's been hurt, and she sees opportunities to exert her power over a father who loves her dearly, so she does it. She doesn't know how else to maintain some semblance of control over her own life. 

And just about every scene Jennifer Connelly (as Dawn Dwyer Levov) is in is incredible, but the scenes where she is losing her grip on sanity are beyond amazing. In one of those, she is lying in a hospital bed and begins by speaking in a very quiet voice, addressing . . . you guessed it, Swede Levov . . . and telling him how he ruined her life and destroyed all of her dreams. It's not true. They had a very good and happy marriage until things blew up with their daughter . . . and nothing that happened was Swede's fault. But she's been hurt and he has . . . .

Hmpf.

Not that that is all there is to the movie by any means. And I'm not being sarcastic when I say that Dakota Fanning and Jennifer Connelly are amazing. But the pattern is pretty obvious. And I have to say that it's something I've seen more than a little of in my own dealings with women--both those I've lived through and those I've observed in people I know.

Which is also not at all to suggest that men are incapable of unrelenting cruelty, because that is obviously not the way it is. But one of the things that really hit me with American Pastoral was this vision of Woman as unrelentingly cruel.  I know it's not true of all women. But it's true of most of the women I've known. And it's truest with respect to the women with whom I've had romantic relationships. Especially at the end of those relationships.

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

How We Know We're Alive




“That’s how we know we’re alive: we’re wrong."

Philip Roth
American Pastoral



Talkin' Dante Blues

When half way through the journey of our life
I found that I was in a gloomy wood,



because the path which led aright was lost.


And ah, how hard it is to say just what
this wild and rough and stubborn woodland was,


the very thought of which renews my fear!
So bitter ’t is, that death is little worse . . . . 





THE DIVINE COMEDY OF DANTE ALIGHIERI
A TRANSLATION IN ENGLISH BLANK VERSE 
by COURTNEY LANGDON

http://oll.libertyfund.org/people/courtney-langdon

Mothers Night


I'd just finished re-re-reading Mother Night (in my Complete Vonnegut in Chronological Order Quest) and was feeling a bit of a let-down. My memory of the book (based upon my two previous readings) was that it was a very good novel, possibly the best-written of Vonnegut's early works. This time around--immediately after re-re-reading Player Piano and The Sirens of Titan--I was really disappointed and felt that it was by far the weakest of Vonnegut's books. Which is still  solidly in the well worth reading category, of course--it's a relativity issue. But the heart of the novel was cleft in twain for me, and I had to throw away the bitter part. Which didn't leave much in the way of a novel. The character of Howard W. Campbell, Jr., was just too flimsy. And you really can't afford to have a flimsy character at the center of a novel. And a first person narrated novel at that.

In said novel, Howard W. Campbell, Jr., seemed to vacillate between being a serious character--a man torn between his public image as a Nazi propagandist and his interior self as a good man who wants to serve the Allied cause, be a hero, all of that--and the voice of Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. himself. And I do most certainly love the latter. In fact, the main reason that I love Kurt Vonnegut is because of his authorial voice, not because of his plots or characters or whatevers. But his voice and a serious character's voice just do not mix. 

So the novel disappointed me this time out, and I don't intend to ever read it again.

I was ready to move on to Canary in a Cathouse--the fourth book in the Vonnegut oeuvre--when I decided that I should probably have a look at the movie / tv stuff that was made from Kurt Vonnegut's stories as well. And Mother Night was the earliest of his novels to be given the Hollywood Treatment. 

I'd never seen the Mother Night movie, though I was aware of its existence from the moment it came out. Part of the reason I'd not gone out of my way to see it was because Kurt made a comment     . . . I think it was in the introduction to Between Time and Timbuktu --that every movie that had been based on his work failed because it was missing one main character: him. But I'd since seen episodes--maybe even all of the episodes--of Welcome to the Monkey House (I used to have them on vhs tape . . . wonder if they still exist here somewhere?) and the movie of Slaughterhouse-Five (which I'd enjoyed . . . though I'd only watched it because I'd fallen in love with Glenn Gould and found out that he'd done the music for that film). I think that was about it. No, I just recently watched Between Time and Timbuktu on the YouTub. It wasn't all that great. And I think I saw the movie version of Happy Birthday, Wanda June . . . or I might have just imagined that, since there were a lot of pictures in the book version.  

ANYway, I decided I should take a look at Mother Night. Checked Netflix. Nope. Looked on the library website. Surprisingly, neither hide nor hair of it was to be found there. Checked Amazon. Yep . . . but only if you wanted to buy it. $10 for SD on Amazon Instant Video. $7.66 (including shipping) for a used copy on dvd. More than I wanted to pay either way . . . and who knows how long it would take to get to me if I ordered it used. So I looked on the You Tub. And there it was . . . but for rent. I'd never rented from You Tub before. And was kind of hesitant to do so until I found out that they accepted PayPal. I like PayPal.

And I watched the movie . . . and it was really good. Really REALLY good. A big part of the reason why was director Keith Gordon. He just made some excellent decisions here. Things like shots of Howard W. Campbell, Jr., through the bottom of a typewriter keyboard as he works on his memoirs / confessions. Using black and white scenes in a meaningful way. Resolving some not so obvious contradictions in the ending of the novel. 

And choosing great actors.



Nick Nolte


as Howard W. Campbell, Jr., being the most important choice. Oh, man, Nick is so brilliant. He managed to fill in the cleft that Vonnegut had left in this character. No mean feat. I was so excited by his performance that I had to go on an archaeological dig to locate my copy of Rich Man, Poor Man and watch the first episode right away. (With the rest to follow in short order being the plan.)

And the superb John (did I mention I went to New York City to see him as Pozzo in Waiting for Godot a few years ago?) Goodman


as Major Frank Wirtanen,

and Alan Arkin




as George Kraft (or, more properly, "George Kraft").

I was also happy to see Frankie Faison (The Wire, Banshee, and about a million other shows dating back to 1974)


as Robert Sterling Wilson--aka The Black Führer of Harlem.

And there was also the joy of seeing Kurt Vonnegut himself at the end of the movie, doing his bit as Sad Man on Street.



Most definitely worth my $2.99. The irony being that I would not have been at all sad to have paid $10 to own the movie, since I can imagine watching it again sometime. But hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it. 

So . . . back to the books. 



Thanks for your support.



1  I'll let you know for sure in a month or so when I get to that one.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Breaking Vonnegut News!



The OCD kicked in hard today and I've been compiling a Complete Vonnegut Bibliography . . . and I found, much to my surprise and dismay, that there were quite a few pieces that had not (at least yet) been collected into book form. 


There were a few short stories, a few plays, some forwards and introductions and letters . . . and a whole bunch of articles. 16 of these appeared in In These Times, of which I had not previously heard. So I Googled.


Turns out that it is an online magazine, and also turns out that they have free access to all 16 of those Vonnegut articles hot and ready for you. Very nice. Thank you, In These Times. Check out the trove of treasure at http://inthesetimes.com/community/articles/86/ if you need it.


Canary vs. Monkey in the House

 



Began to read Kurt Vonnegut's 4th book last night--Canary in a Cathouse. Which is not a book that is as identifiable as Official Canon because (1) it only appeared in one original paperback edition and one much later high priced hardback reprint edition, (2) it's expensive as hell to buy now, and (3) most of the contents--11 of the 12 stories--were reprinted in the widely available--for cheap--Welcome to the Monkey House. But I found a copy at Half-Price Books awhile back, and since it was the book published after Mother Night--and since I'm trying to read Vonnegut in chronological order--I decided to risk the damage reading would cause this little treasure and have at it. Besides, the story that wasn't reprinted in Welcome to the Monkey House--


doesn't seem to be available anywhere else 1, so there it is.

I kind of remembered the first two stories as I read them. And they were good. Not recognizably Vonnegut, but good short stories. The third one, "D.P." didn't ring any bells, But man, was that a good short story. Very touching. It reminded me A LOT of J.D. Salinger. So I had to pause to think about it a bit, which led me to take out my copy of Welcome to the Monkey House to do some comparison shopping. As you have seen.

Now I've got to get back to my book.

Thanks for your support.

P.S. But isn't the cover to Canary in a Cathouse about a hundred times better than the Welcome to the Monkey House  cover? It's by Leo and Diane Dillon. I love them. They also do a cool illustration on the back of the book--


--and cool little pictures beside the title of each of the short stories. 

P.P.S. And Canary in a Cathouse is a much better title than Welcome to the Monkey House, too, isn't it?

1  A story with the same title appears in one of the posthumous collections, but it's not the same story. Just so you know that I did my homework.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

That's What Kurt Vonnegut Says


" . . . this is a hard world to be ludicrous in, with so many human beings so reluctant to laugh, so incapable of thought, so eager to believe and snarl and hate."

Kurt Vonnegut
Mother Night


Friday, August 18, 2017

Trader Joe's Blended Scotch Whiskey


I am very sorry to say that I do not have a discriminating palete when it comes to alcohol. Pabst Blue Ribbon and Guinness taste exACTly the same to me. And when it comes to whiskey . . . well, I've paid over $50 for a bottle of Isle of Jura whiskey, and was happy to do it, but I'd have to admit that it didn't taste any better to me than the Evan Williams I bought for 1/4 of the price.

I like the idea of whiskey. But the taste? Well, I managed to enjoy a double shot when I drowned it in a bottle of Not Your Mom's Apple Pie Beer, but naked whiskey? Makes me grimace and shiver. It takes two or three before I can just get down to it, and I rarely go that far.

Until today. When I picked up a bottle of Trader Joe's Blended Scotch Whisky. For about $10. I wasn't expecting much. But my 60th birthday is tomorrow, and I wanted to have a few drinks to celebrate the occasion. So I thought I'd give it a try. And I didn't have any Apple Pie Beer or anything else on hand to mix it down with, so I figured, what the hell? and put two shots into a coffee cup and added a few ice cubes and took a drink. And much to my surprise, it was okay. And even more to my surprise, there was no nasty aftertaste. No shivers. So I had another double shot. Without the ice cubes. And then a single shot. And then another single shot. And . . . .

Well, I am drunk as a fuckin' skunk, for sure. But you know . . . I really wouldn't mind having another shot or two. This shit is quite nice. And so cheap. I am pretty sure that I will never again put down big bucks for whiskey after this experience.

Once again Trader Joe's has far exceeded my expectations.

Thank you, Trader Joe's.

Happy Birthday to me.


Just A Thought



Buying shit on the internet will not truly be safe until there's an app which measures your blood alcohol content.


Again, Humpty Trumpty

I wrote this poem awhile ago:












Humpty Trumpty said he'd build a wall
And make the Mexicans pay for it all
But President Nieto said, "En un ojo de cerdo,"
And implied that Trumpty was corto & lerdo.

Humpty Trumpty said, "Muslims stay out!"
And perhaps yellow crescents and stars'd leave no doubt
As to who could be trusted and who was suspicious--
And who could eat up and who'd do the dishes.

"I'm the greatest of all!" our good Trumpty said,
While Muhammad Ali groaned and rolled in his bed.
"His head might be huge," Ali's spirit declared,
"But it's just a shit omelet that's cooking in there."

So beware, ye non-white, non-born USA folk,
Your days might be numbered, and that is no joke.
I don't know who will put who in his place
But Trumpty already has egg on his face.







And one of my friends told me I should send it to The New Yorker. And I thought that was ridiculous, but I also though what the hell. So I sent it. Here's how that went:









So . . . that's that. But hey, I got a letter from Paul Muldoon. Kind of.




Thursday, August 17, 2017

That's What Brother Ellsberg Says


"The courage we need is not the courage, the fortitude, to be obedient in the service of an unjust war, to help conceal lies, to do our job by a boss who has usurped power and is acting as an outlaw government. It is the courage, at last, to face honestly the truth and the reality of what we are doing in the world, and act responsibly to change it."

Daniel Ellsberg


Tuesday, August 15, 2017

George Will's Way


"It seems to me a weak man's idea of strength to constantly insist on having the last word." #GeorgeWill on #MorningJoe.

A little before this, George noted, "The English language is not Mr. Trump's best friend." 

But re: that first bit:
George Will is talking directly about Donald Trump, and it is most certainly applicable and, I think, a significant criticism. 

I can't help looking at myself here, too, though. So often I have either pushed to have the last word or else felt frustrated by not being able to have the last word. I have tended to see that as a "But you don't understand" kind of situation. Which is really an attempt to make the other person either see things my way or, at least, not see me as The Bad Guy. And maybe that is me being a weak man caught up in a false idea of strength. That bothers the fucking fuck out of me. 

Now ahmo go wait for my chickens to hatch so I can count them.

Thanks for making me examine my life, George Will.

My Ex-Wife Says That I'm Not Fat Anymore, aka Week 28

My first ex-wife (also known as The Nice One) and I went on a little road trip with the youngest two kids Sunday, and along the way this led to that and I told her that I was up to an hour a day riding the stationary bike and she asked me, "What are you, training for the Iron Man competition or something?" I replied that no, I just didn't want to be fat anymore, and she responded, "I don't think anyone would call you fat now." Which surprised me, because while she is a very kind-hearted (and nice) person, she is also quite the straight-shooter, not given to flattery or bullshitting. So I wasn't quite sure how to respond, Of course a simple "Thank You" would have been natural, but not being a natural kind of man I said, "I'd like to get down to 180 pounds." She replied, "I'm sure you're not more than 180 pounds right now." I told her that I still had a ways to go (quite a ways to go, in actuality), and she said, "I think your scale must be off." Yowza. Of course I was tickled.



Caveat comedenti 



The following comments and tedious details are meant to serve as a Bullshit Detector for me. If anyone Out There derives inspiration (etc.) from My Fat Struggle, cool, but I don't have any expectation that anyone other than myself will be interested in this. Just sayin', sir. 







I have to say that I don't think I'm going to hit my 190 pound goal by the 19th, and that makes me a little bit sad. Which may be stupid, I know, in that (1) it's just an arbitrary thing I decided I wanted to do and (2) I didn't really give myself enough time to hit that mark. But (3) that shit doesn't matter. You set goals and you either make them or you feel shitty about not making them.

On the other hand, last night I took the kids to bowling practice and the coach, who hasn't seen me since last year, noticed that I'd lost a lot of weight and immediately expressed concern, so that's two people now who have asked me if I was dying of cancer because of my weight loss, so that's obviously good.



Week 28: Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Wake up Weight: 197.4 pounds.  Which is 2.2 pounds less than yesterday's wake up weight, and it's not like I starved or dehydrated myself yesterday. In fact, I had a drink with my snack and went over my calories limit, and then I had another drink and another snack. So this weigh in thing is something of a mystery to me. But 197.4 is okay with me, for sure. Probably means that I can hit in the 195s after exercise. Maybe even 194? That would be awesome wicked cool. We'll see how that goes.

Breakfast:
coffee 20c, crisp 110c (3g dietary fiber, 4g protein), 16 oz water
130c, 16 oz water

Before exercise weight: 198.4 pounds

Exercise: Part I
62 minutes on The Schwinn, which tells me that I burned 1301 calories, went 19.86 miles at an average speed of 19.1 mph, and for the most start stayed between the  mid to the upper 60s in rpms.
The pedometer says . . . oh, fuck that pedometer, man. That lying son of a bitch. If it didn't keep paying me I'd chuck it in the Ohio River. (Speaking of which, I just cashed in points on the GO365 website again--for my fourth $25 Amazon Gift Card. So I got paid $100 for walking. I like it.)

Things went a little better for me today. I didn't have that Oh My God, I Can't Finish This feeling until about 45 minutes in. I think part of the reason is because I let myself do the first ten minutes or so at a slightly slower pace . . . like in the low 50s on rpms. And then I just let myself naturally creep up, which seems to be what happens when you start slow. I also hit at least 70 for at least a moment. And although the bike "computer" doesn't give you your average on rpms, the average speed tells me that I must have ended up pretty much at the same exertion level as on my previous Schwinn days, which is good. Don't want to burn out, ya know. Don't want to fade away, either. I think I'll order from Column C.

After Exercise Weight: 195.8 pounds.

Exercise: "Heavy" Weights (Which is actually with the light dumbbells, but it's the every other day set, which makes it the Heavy Set. Maybe I should reconsider my nomenclature.)

After Exercise Weight: 195.6 pounds.

Exercise: "Light Weights" which includes leg-lifts (30) and sit-ups (40 / 25). And then the "Heavy Weights."  I decided to break it down on this round of exercises, which goes curl, press, toe raises, rowing, twists at 20 repetitions, then 15, 10, and 5, just to see how the time broke down. It went like this.


Round 1 (20 repetitions each): 4:22
Round 2 (15 repetitions each): 3:12
Round 3 (10 repetitions each): 2:10
Round 4 (5 repetitions each): 1:07 1




After Exercise Weight: 195.2 pounds. So you KNOW I couldn't let that shit go. I was defuckingdetermined to break into the 194s, no matter WHAT it took. So I took a hot shower. And shaved off my beard. And cut my fingernails. And dried every drop of moisture I could find off of my body. And got back on the scale, which said


So big hip hip hooray on that. Of course I immediately started thinking, "If I could just take a shit, I could get into the 193s . . . . " Well, it COULD happen. But I'm just going to enjoy the moment for now. And yes, it is just a moment. As soon as I drink a glass of water I'll gain a pound. But for this brief and shining moment, I weighed 194 pounds. A mere four pounds away from my birthday goal. That's good enough for me.



198.4 to 194 in 90 minutes. Although I don't know that I can see much of a difference in the Before and After Pictures, actually. But I have to say that my stomach is actually starting to reappear, and I am happy about that.


1  Oh my god . . . exACTly when I typed those numbers, the a voice in the video I was watching while I exercised said "1:07" in response to a doctor's request for "Time [of death]." That is some weird ass shit, isn't it?

Lunch: Skipped it. I was really excited about weighing 194 pounds for a minute and wanted to keep it for a little while. Drank 16 oz water, though.

Dinner: lettuce 10c, tomatoes 18c, cucumbers 10c, artichoke heart 10c, dressing 20c, 16 oz water, tuna 240c, toast 120c, vegetable mix 60c = 488c, 32 oz water 

618c, 48 oz water

pretzels 110c, strawberries 67c, 16 oz water, fffudge bar 80c, banana 112c
987c, 64 oz water




Week 28: Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Wake up Weight: 195.8 pounds. Which is 1.6 pounds less than yesterday's wake up weight. Although I did kinda sorta starve myself yesterday with > 1,000 calories. So . . . yesterday my after exercise weight was 3.4 pounds less than my wake up weight. If that happened to happen today, I would clock in at 192.4 pounds. That is VERY exciting. Not that it's a slam dunk or anything, but it is definitely within the realm of possibility. I'm kind of anxious to get to it and see what happens!

Breakfast: eggs 180c, toast 60c, 10g ham 15c, coffees 20c, 16 oz water 
= 275c, 16 oz water


Got to say . . . it felt goooood to eat some real breakfast. In fact, in actually felt extravagant. Ha ha. 275 calorie extravaganza. Of course, it helps that most of this stuff was good Trader Joe stock--the eggs and the bread. Kroger ham, but hey, only 10 grams of it, right? Speaking of which, on the one hand it's kind of ridiculous to have such a meager portion, of course, but on the other hand . . . it was really tasty, and yet it only cost me 15 calories. And one of the things I've realized over the course of the past six months is that a lot of the joy of eating comes from taste, and taste is not dependent upon quantity. Although, of course, it is only human to want more, more, more. I've done a fairly decent job of steering around that pothole, though. Except when I get drunk. Then it's all about the more.

Post Schwinn Weight: 193.4

After "Light Weights"--which shall henceforth be known by the more apt nomenclature "Every Day Weights"--193 pounds. That's right, babies. And I haven't even taken a shower yet, and that usually peels off another 20 ounces or so. But right now I'm trying to decide if I should capitalize on the low weight ebb and the tiny need a shower ebb and go cut the grass before the shower, which might could pop another pound off of the weight. Looks like rain, though. Fuck it, ahmo give it a shot.

Did it. And not a scrap of rain. And . . . I weighed myself after cutting the grass. I'd had sixteen ounces of water whilst cutting, so I wasn't very hopeful, but when I stepped onto the scale, this is what I saw: 



Now, of course that's a post exercise, post cutting the lawn, post shower, dehydrated weight, so it's not "real" real . . . but hey, I'll take it. 190.2 pounds. And tomorrow . . . who knows?

Lunch: sunflower seeds 100c, 32 oz water

Dinner: tomatoes 23c, cucumbers 10c, artichoke heart 10c, crisp 110c
vegetable mix 90c, green beans w/ almonds 120c, 16 oz water, crab cakes 300c, bread 120c, strawberries 58c, fffudge bar 80c, pretzels 101c, sunflower seeds 100c 969c

1497c, 64 oz water



Week 28: Thursday, August 17, 2017

Wake up Weight: 193.2 pounds. 

Breakfast: coffee 10c, toast 60c, egg 90c, ham 52c, 16 oz water, sunflower seeds 100c
312c, 16 oz water

Before exercise weight: 194 pounds.

Exercise: Schwinn--with a variation. At the 19, 39, and 59 minute marks, I tried to hit it hard for a full minute. Hung in there on the first two, pooped out about halfway through the last. My high hits were in the low 80s. I thought that this might help me to get into the much ballyhooed Fat Burning Zone . . . though I've read some stuff that questions the true efficacy of that theory. But it made for a nice challenge--more than nice, I suppose, in that I failed to completely meet it. And breaking up 60 minutes into three "chunks" does help psychologically, for sure. I think I'll try it again. If I can work myself up to it, that is. It wasn't the easiest thing I've ever tried to do, for sure.

The Sports Science Facts: 63 minutes (3 cool down), 1238 calories burned, 19.54 miles, 18.6 mph, 62 rpm. I am thinking that the last two figures--mph and rpm--might be representative of the last moments of the last minute on the machine rather than cumulative figures / averages, since the math wouldn't work out quite right if 18.6 was the average mph for 63 minutes . . . right? Oh wait a minute . . . yes, it would. What I meant to say was that I averaged 18.6 mph. Which ain't fuckin' bad, eh? I'd also point out that it's one hell of a lot more intense than I'll ever hit on my Real Bike.

Post Schwinn Weight: 191.2  pounds.

I was going to soldier on into the weights and stuff then, but I was feeling pretty wasted, so I decided to let the sleepy dog lie down. It was a little hard, though, since I was SURE that I could have put down that 1.2 pounds and gotten a glimpse of 190 flat today.

As it turns out, that was it for exercise for the day. Just pooped. POOP-ed.

Lunch: coffee 10c, bread 120c, crab cake 150c, 16 oz water
280c, 16 oz water

Dinner: lettuce 16c, tomatoes 14c, cucumbers 11c, dressing 15c, sweet potato 214c, pork chop 422c, bread 120c, vegetable mix 100c, soda water 10c, margarine 15c
937c, 12 oz water

1529c, 44 oz water

pretzels 110c, soda water 10c, 16 oz water = 1649c, 72 oz water


Week 28: Friday, August 18, 2017

Wake up Weight: 193.4 pounds. 


Breakfast: coffee 10c, soft-boiled eggs 156c, crackers 72c, 16 oz water
238c, 16 oz water

Exercise: walked 5 miles in the park. It's amazing how much walking wears me out. And makes my butt ache. And makes me sleepy. How is it that walking 5 miles at a steady pace seems to be harder on my body than 20 miles on the Schwinn bike--which seems much more taxing when I'm doing it? Maybe it's the impact factor. Dunno, but I do know that I am pooped. And hungry. So hungry . . . . 

banana 101c, ham 123c, bread 60c, tomatoes10c, strawberries 33c, sunflower seeds 100c, pretzels 110c, coffee 10c, water 8 oz, whoopee pie 230c, 16 oz water
777c, 24 oz water

1015c, 40 oz water


Week 28: Saturday, August 19, 2017


Wake up Weight: 193.4 pounds. Yep. And after what I did last night, too. I could still reconstruct most of the foods ingested, as I did keep a list, but I don't know if I will do that. Yes, alcohol was involved. But hey, today's my 60th birthday. So I think I get a pass on that shit. And I most assuredly will NOT keep track of my calories today.

Still did an hour on the stationary bike, though. Even with that hangover.


Week 28: Sunday, August 20, 2017


Wake up Weight: 196.4 pounds. Yep. Just in case you thought that eating lots of shit food and drinking for your birthday didn't matter, there it is. I don't feel bad about it per se, since I know I can knock those extra pounds off pretty quickly, but I have to say that I do feel bad about the candy bars and chips and whiskey and Steak 'n' Shake physically. I mean, I actually felt nauseous when I went to bed last night, and I still feel a little awful this morning. I think as soon as I get my pins steady I'm going to get on my Schwinn and commence to sweat. 

Breakfast: 2 cups of coffee 20c

Exercise: 61 Schwinn minutes. 1329 calories, 19.89 miles, 19.5 mph, 65 rims. Post Schwinn weight 194.4 pounds.

Lunch: ham 123c, cheese crackers 200c, Tiger's Milk Bar 140c, 16 oz water.

483c, 16 oz water

Exercise: cut most of my sister's grass. Got stung by bees six times. And my lawnmower motor shorted out just ten minutes before the  finish line. Post-cut weight: 193.6.

16 oz water

Exercise: Every Day and Every Other Day Weights. I briefly thought about referring to these as ED and EOD Weights, but then I thought again. Maybe EDW? That takes the sting out of it, I think.

Dinner: sunflower seeds 100c, crisp 110c, 16 oz water, tomatoes 18c, cauliflower 36c, artichoke hearts 20c, artichoke juice 8c, almonds 52c *, 16 oz water
344c, 32 oz water =  847c, 64 oz water

lentil soup 200c, fake meat 70c, broccoli 25c
295c--and I've just got to say, THAT was a meal, man. It was good, it was good--14 grams of fiber, almost no sugar, and less than 300 calories--and it filled me up. And on top of that, it was cheaper than a shit meal at Steak 'n' Shake. Mmm-hmm.

sweet potato 112c,  margarine 35c = 442c 
= 1289c
strawberries 66c, pretzels 110c = 1465
crisp 110c, 16 oz water = 1575c, 80 oz water

 
Holy shit, there are 52 calories in 9 GRAMS of almonds????  That's ridiculous. Also the end of my almond eating career.




Week 28: Monday, August 21, 2017

Wake up Weight: 198.4 pounds. Yep, back to Orwell weight. Strange, too, isn't it? Yesterday I did a full set of exercises, cut Mary's grass, and ate under 1700 calories, but I still managed to wake up two pounds heavier than yesterday morning. I wonder if that's part of the repercussions of a drinking / eating excess for the birthday? Dunno . . . but I do know that I have my eye back on 190 pounds, and I'm going to get there asap.

Breakfast; coffee 20c, eggs 180c, crackers 60c, 16 oz water = 260c

Exercise: 61 minutes on Schwinn (1 cool down)-- -1,289 calories, 19.58 miles at 19.2mph / 64 rpm. I was able to do my Pedal as Hard as You Can for the full minutes at 19, 39, and 59 minutes. The highest rpm that I hit was 90. It was hard.

Also EODW, and I added 30 twists with the light dumbbell. And oh yeah, just for the hell of it I pushed myself on the push-ups and did 20. It was definitely all that I had in me, and even though I did it before I hit the bike, I was still feeling the effects when I did the very last of my EODW over an hour later. Push-ups are REALLY hard. Like Hard Math.

Post Exercise Weight: 193 pounds.

Lunch: ham 123c, cheese crackers 200c, tomatoes 16c, Tiger's Milk Bar 140c, 16 oz water, sunflower seeds 100c, coffee 10c = 573c, 16 oz water

833c, 32 oz water

Dinner: strawberries 33c, lettuce 11c, croutons 30c, bbits 30c, tomatoes 18c, dressing 30c, artichoke hearts 20c, vegetable mix 100c, tuna 240c, 16 oz water = 512c, 16 oz water 
1345c, 48 oz water

Crisp 110c, fffudge bar 80c, cookies 80c, pretzels 110c, 16 oz water

1725c, 64 oz water



Week 29: Tuesday, August 22, 2017


Wake up Weight: 195.7 pounds.

strawberries 5c, ham 123c, coffee 20c, sunflower seeds 100c, milk 200c, crisp 110c, 16 oz water 
558c, 16 oz water

So many disadvantages to waking up at 2:00 in the morning . . . one of which is that more calories are consumed to no benefit. But when I cut sister's grass the other day I was stung by five bees, and I guess it took my body a few days to decide it didn't like that shit, because I woke up with an ankle aflame with irritation. So sleep was no longer a possibility. Further proof that no good deed goes unpunished.

Exercise: 9,000 or so steps with Pat, which I think is 5 miles-ish, but I lost track while we were walking. My legs feel like they did five miles, though.

Lunch: ham 123c, crackers, 60c, coffee 0c

Exercise: 61 Schwinn minutes with the 19/39/59 peaks. On the first one I managed to hit 99rpm, which is the highest number I've seen from myself so far. REALLY worn out at the end of it, though . . . couldn't even think about doing any weights just now. Maybe tonight. Maybe not.

Post Exercise Weight: 191 pounds.

16 oz water

741c, 32 oz water

granola bar 170c, pretzels 110c, Tiger's Milk Bar 140c, 

Dinner: 16 oz water, tomatoes 9c, fake meat 105c,  cauliflower 59c, crackers 144c, artichokes 30c, pea soup 320c = 1087c, 16 oz water

1828c, 48 oz water


I know, I could have stopped there and only been a LITTLE bit over my daily calorie intake goal, but I was really hungry. So I ate some stuff:

fffudge bar 80c, apple juice 60c, pretzels 110c

And then I felt a little better. It may be a rationalization, but I really think I needed that "extra" shit.


Week 29: Wednesday, August 23, 2017



Wake up Weight: 194.4 pounds.

Breakfast: coffee 20c, ham 130c, crackers 60c, sunflower seeds 100c, 16 oz water
310c, 16 oz water

Exercise: The whole shebang--Schwinn, EDW, EODW. On the Schwinn full out I hit 102 rpm for a second or two. It made me holler. I mean, for real holler.

Oh, and my after exercise weight?




Lunch: ham 123c, crackers 60c, pretzels 183c, coffee 10c
376c


Tiger's Milk Bar 140c, cauliflower 31c, 16 oz water

857c, 32 oz water

Dinner: lettuce 15c, carrots 41c, dressing 30c, croutons 30c, bits 30c, 8 oz water, lentil soup 200c, spaghetti noodles 200c, 16 oz water = 546c, 24 oz water

1403c, 56 oz water

pretzels 110c, brussels sprouts 150c, TJ whiskey 78

1741c, 56 oz water

And by the way . . . my pedometer says that I burned 621 calories today . . . and that doesn't seem to include the 1,000 + calories the Schwinn AD2 says I burned in my hour on it.

Just sayin', sir.



Week 29: Thursday, August 24, 2017




Wake up Weight: I Forgot to Get It pounds.

Breakfast: ham 123c, crackers 72c, sunflower seeds 100c, coffee 20c, 16 oz water
315c, 16 oz water

Lunch 4 strawberries, coffee with whole milk, 16 oz water, bread 160c, ham 123 + .3, pretzels 110c, granola bar 170c, crackers 200c

Shortly after lunch I had a little mental implosion. Completely out of energy and feeling super depressed. I managed to push myself through one hour on the Schwinn--without the one minute rushes, but that was all she wrote. And I didn't overeat, but I just didn't have it in me to keep track and write everything down.

Maybe mañana.




Week 29: Friday, August 25, 2017


Conked out early last night--bone tired. Slept pretty well but woke up way too early, around 4 o'clock, and just did a slight bit of dozing whilst MSNBCing and CNNing. We'll see how it goes.

Breakfast: Alpine Valley Super Grains bread 1  160c, eggs 180c, coffee 20c, strawberries 25c, sunflower seeds 100c, 16 oz water = 485c, 16 oz water




A- on Fooducate! A little more expensive than Trader Joe's sprouted wheat and you have to freeze it, which I don't like, but it was really tasty and had a nice grit to it. I warmed it on the skillet while I fried my eggs, and that worked quite well.

Exercise: walked 3.75 miles with Pat, then did 61 Schwinn minutes. Resting up and hoping to get the weights in, too.

Lunch: bread 160c, ham 123c, tomatoes 10c, veggie stick 140c, 16 oz water, merangue cookies 90c =
523c

And then that day got away from me. I did the full weights, though. 


Week 29: Saturday, August 26, 2017


Breakfast: bread 160, egg 90c, ham 37c, coffee 20c, 16 oz water =
307c, 16 oz water

And then things just go too busy. All morning and part of the afternoon at the baseball field as Joe had two games (with an hour in-between). Then home and straight up onto the exercise bike, finished about a minute before X1:TNO arrived to get the kids, straight into the car and off to The Home Depot to look for an electric lawn mower, only to discover that they had NO corded models. She-it. So I had to take the edge off of Post No-Corded Depression by stopping in at Half-Price Books. Home and straight to cutting the grass with my no cord and no power push mower, which still works but not all that well. Funny, though, as doing that made me realize that I don't really mind the Man Power Mower at all, it's just that it doesn't do a really good job . . . and that I could probably cure that by sharpening the blades. So ahmo try to do that today and maybe just go back to using that and not buy a new mower.

ANYway, I just didn't keep track of the input and output calories. Maybe mañana. 



Week 29: Sunday, August 27, 2017



Breakfast: coffee 20c, sunflower seeds 200c, 16 oz water
220c, 16 oz water

Exercise: Did a little bike ride just for the taste of it--about 2 miles by my eye, about 8:51 to 9:06 (15 minutes), 2042 - 566 (1476 steps),  .58 - .16  (.42 miles? what is up with THAT bullshit?), and   120.7 -33.4 (87.3 calories 1) according to my pedometer. 

1  Which seemed low to me, but I checked an online calculator (at http://www.mapmyride.com/improve/calorie_calculator/ ) and it said I would have burned 111, so not even difference there to quibble about, I suppose. But if that is accurate . . . or accurate-ish  . . . then why oh why is the mileage always so far off? I've fiddled with the length of stride everywhichway to no avail. And it really doesn't matter, since all I care about are the steps (so that I can get points when I upload them to GO365 and then cash in the points for Amazon Gift Certificates), but it still irritates me for some odd reason. 

2  Which I've "hand checked" both walking and riding, and it comes out right on the money.



Exercise: The Schwinn: 1:31 start to finish (stretching, push-ups, fucking around, riding)--62:05 actual riding time, 7,886 steps according to pedometer (AtP), 2.23 miles (AtP . . . and no, not true; btw, Schqinn says 20.17 miles travelled at an average speed of 19.5 mph / 65 rpm), 465.1 calories burned (AtP; Schwinn says 1,349; calories burned; the MapMyRide calculator says I would have burned 916, but that totally disregards the arm movements, so I'm starting to think I can rely on the Schwinn's counter to tell me the true truth on this).

Post exercise weight: 191.4 pounds.

Lunch: merengue cookies 90c, 16 oz water

310c, 32 oz water 

Exercise: EDW and EODW, and I weighted myself after that and my scale said 191 pounds. Is that tuff enough? I think so.

Dinner: coffee 0c, sweet potato 285c, vegetable mix 100c, artichoke hearts 20c, beef 170c, bread 80c, 16 oz water 
= 655c, 16 oz water

965c, 48 oz water

a little more beef 85c, crackers 24c = 1074c
pretzels 110c, fffudge bar 80c, cat cookies 110c = 1374c



Week 29: Monday, August 28, 2017

Wake up weight: shit, I forgot to write it down and then I forgot what it was. But I do remember being happy about it.


Breakfast: coffee 20c, strawberries 47c, ham 44c, bread 160c, egg 90c, 16 oz water = 361c, 16 oz water

Lunch: sunflower seeds 150c, bread 160c, ham 123c, 16 oz water

Exercise: 62 Schwinn moments, push-ups, EDWs--now with 12 military press at the end

Post exercise weight:

A droll roll, if you please.



Yes, that was indeed



Ahhh. That took some effort.

So I had a Tiger's Milk Bar (140c) and 16 oz of water to celebrate. Had to party like it was 189.

573c, 32 oz water

934c, 48 oz water

granola bar 170c, cauliflower 51c, tomatoes 17c, lettuce 15c, dressing 20c, croutons 30c, bits 30c, artichoke hearts 20c, roast beef 227c, crackers 120c, 16 oz water = 700c, 16 oz water

1634c, 64 oz water

pretzels 110c, veggie stir 140c, 16 oz water, cauliflower 50c, dressing 20c, fffudge bar 80c = 

2034c. 80 oz water So yeah, on the one hand over almost 300 calories there . . . though an impressive water intake day. Thing is, that I'm STILL kind of hungry. And I'm wondering if the whole Burning a Shitload of Calories in Exercise and Not Imbibing Sufficient Calories to Replace Them is kind of undermining me here. I mean, sure I still want to lose a few pounds . . . 180 is still my ultimate goal . . . but I think there is quite a difference between wanting to eat and being hungry, and I feel that I can tell one from the other, and I feel that I am HUNGry. 

Just sayin', sir.




Week 30: Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Wake up weight: 191.6.

Breakfast: bread 80c, egg 90c, ham 22c, coffee 20c, 16 oz water

Exercise: short walk in the park with Pat--probably not 4 miles, but not less than 3 1/2.

Lunch: granola bar 170c, pretzels 110c, 16 oz water

492c, 32 oz water

Exercise: Schwinn 62 minutes, -1309 calories. EDW and EODW, which made me sweat some more. 

Post Exercise Weight . . . check THIS shit out:

I don't think I've seen a number like that in forfuckinever. Pretty sure I didn't get down to that even at the height (or depth, as the case may be) of Post Divorce I Want to Die Depression. And sheesh, man, that is less than 8 pounds from my ULTimate weight goal. I think I can, I think I can!

Dinner: cauliflower 53c, veggie stir 140c 1 , 16 oz water, coffee 10c, vegetable mix 100c, ham 123c, bread 134c, crackers 60c, beef 487c, milk 80c, 16 oz water = 1187c, 32 oz water

1679c, 64 oz water

fffudge bar 80c, lemon brownie 90c = 1849c, 64 oz water 76 calories over my goal, but I'm okay with that, y'know?

1  I haven't been much of a Veggie Stix Man previously, but this package of em has made me a believer. They taste just like potato chips, and 28 grams of them ( = 1 serving, which = 140 calories) actually feels like enough . . . unlike 28 grams of potato chips or pretzels or other chips, wherein 28 grams feels like a start. Hats off to Veggie Stix, man!




Week 30: Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Wake up weight: 190. Well, I would have liked to have woken up to this on my birthday (eleven days ago), but I'll take it. 

Breakfast: coffee 20c, bread 40c, sbegg 76c, 16 oz water
136c, 16 oz water

Before Exercise Weight: 190.2 pounds.

Exercise: 62 minutes, 1132 calories, 18.62 miles, 18.0 mph 60 rpmI consciously let myself do a lower level of exertion this time around, just to see how it would feel. I've got to admit that it feel pretty great. The time passed more quickly, too, probably due in part to the fact that I was able to give more (just about all) of my attention to what I was watching (Railroad Alaska and the first episode of Mr. Mercedes, btw) because I wasn't busy dying a slow death. Checking the Sports Science figures, it's obvious that I burned fewer calories and had lower figures in all of the other categories . . . but only about 200 fewer calories, and not all that big of a difference in the other figures, either. So I'm now wondering if I was knocking myself out for no really good reason. Must scan this thought. But before I do, my post Schwinn weight today was 188.2 pounds. Yowza. Methinks I have had a breakthrough.

Exercise: cut sister's lawn. And I fought the wasps, and for once I did not get stung. Post Lawn Mowing Weight: 187.2 pounds. Really wanted to go ahead and do my EODW and get that down into the 185s, but I am too hungry, man.

Lunch: 16 oz water, Tiger's Milk Bar 140c, ham 123c, cheese crackers 200c, 16 oz water, Veggie Stix 140c, pretzels 110c, 16 oz water
713c, 32 oz water

849c, 48 oz water


lemon brownie 90 90 pretzels 110c sushi 225c . . . 



Week 30: Thursday, August 31, 2017

Wake up weight: 189.2. Which is doubly pleasing because (1) I'm in the 180s and (2) I did a spot of drinking last night and while I didn't go way out of control on eating (for a change), I did eat a few extra bites, and I didn't write them down and am not inclined to do anymore than ellipsis them right now. So there's that. And now . . . I really need coffee. Need.

Breakfast: coffee 20c, Tiger's Milk Bar 140c, 16 oz water

Exercise: 5 mile walk with Pat, then home to cut my grass . . . with a reel push mower, mmm-hmm. This was my first home cut with my new SCOTTS 20" REEL MOWER ($139 + tax), and it went quite well. It was harder than pushing an electric, but I knew the job was dangerous when I took it. And I'm not averse to real (or, in this case, "reel" ha ha) exercise. And it took just about exactly the same amount of time. So there you have it. I forgot to upload my steps yesterday (being drunk and all that), so my pedometer is now showing 30,564 steps. Pretty sweet. 30% of a 100 point bonus right there. Dunno if I'll make it this week, though, since my ass will be plastered into a car for fourteen hours as I drive to Vermont. Maybe if I jiggle my leg as I drive . . . . 

Lunch: pretzels 110c, 16 oz water

candy bar, 16 oz water

Yep, I did eat a candy bar. A Snickers, matter of fact. It was good. I don't know if it was 250 calories good, but maybe. 

And then it occurred to me . . . I'm going to be leaving for Vermont tomorrow, and I won't be in complete control of what I eat for a week (staying with son and daughter-in-law) unless I really snob out (and I'm not going to do that), and I decided to stop tracking for the nonce. I don't really intend to go off the rez per se . . . and I haven't lost sight of the teepees today, for sure . . . but I'm just going to take it as it goes. And if I gain a lot of weight, then I'll double down on it and get back. Cause I like this not being fat business. I feel better. And I feel better about myself. And I can do more stuff. I don't have that invulnerable feeling that I once had as a young man, but I also don't have that fragile and nigh helpless feeling that was a part of my mindscape in the not too distant past. Basically it comes down to this: if you can't walk a couple of miles, your survival capacity is immensely diminished. 

And I can walk a few miles these days.

Peace out.




Week 30: Friday, September 1, 2017

Schwinned: 35 + 27 minutes, 794 + 565 calories burned. And then I was off to Vermont, so . . . 


Week 30: Saturday, September 2, 2017

Vermont: Traveling--No Exercise Day.

Week 30: Sunday, September 3, 2017

Vermont: Went to The Gymnasium, signed up for a week's worth of membership, and did the elliptical for an hour.

Week 30: Monday, September 4, 2017

Vermont: Went to The Gymnasium, did the elliptical for an hour.

Week 31: Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Vermont: Went to The Gymnasium, did the elliptical for an hour.

Week 31: Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Vermont: Went to The Gymnasium, did the elliptical for an hour.

Week 31: Thursday, September 7, 2017

Vermont: Went to The Gymnasium, did the elliptical for an hour.

Week 31: Friday, September 8, 2017

Vermont: Went to The Gymnasium, did the elliptical for an hour.

Week 31: Saturday, September 9, 2017

Vermont: Traveling--No Exercise Day.

  On most of my The Gymnasium days I did weights and leg raises and shit, too, but I didn't keep track of the details. So there.  

Week 31: Sunday, September 10, 2017

Back home, did 45 minutes + 15 minutes on the Schwinn. It was harder than that elliptical machine, too. (But I stopped at 45 minutes because the kids came home, not because I pooped out. Let the record show . . . . )

Week 31: Monday, September 11, 2017


Schwinned:  62 minutes 1354 calories 20.23 miles 19.5 mph 65 rpm 



 
552 as of 8/29
557 as of 8/31
575 as of 9/11