Jo Nesbø's Macbeth

Hey, Jo, where you going with that Shakespeare of yours?

Hey, Jo, I said where you going with that Shakespeare in your hand?

I'm goin' to rewrite Macbeth and his old lady

You know I like messin' 'round with the classics, man

And ain't I too cool....

How do I love Jo Nesbø? Let me count the ways:

The Harry Hole Novels

 1 The Bat

2 Cockroaches

3 The Redbreast

 4 Nemesis

5 The Devil's Star

6 The Redeemer

7 The Snowman

8 The Leopard

9 Phantom

10 Police

11 The Thirst

The Doctor Proctor Novels

12 Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder

Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder: Bubble in the Bathtub

Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder: Who Cut the Cheese?

 Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder: The Great Gold Robbery

Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder: Can Doctor Proctor Save Christmas?

The Olav Johansen Novels

13 Blood on Snow

14 Midnight Sun

Stand-Alone Works

Karusellmusikk 

Det hvite hotellet

Headhunters

The Son

Macbeth

Non-Fiction

Stemmer fra Balkan 

So...not a Complete Oeuvre Guy...but (1) 14 out of 24 ain't a bad batting average, (2) three of the 23 haven't been translated into English, (3) I actually read a Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder book...and it was not, despite the stated claims, laugh out loud funny...and (4) I am currently attempting to read Macbeth, which just came out a few minutes ago.

I first became aware of Jo when a woman I was working up to asking out on a date (I gave up when I found out that she had been stealing money from a student fundraiser for cancer...yep) and I were talking about books we liked and she mentioned this Norwegian fellow. I read my first Harry Hole novel venissoon thereafter, and I was soon off and running, and then impatiently waiting for new installments to come out. I loved the character of Harry Hole. And I loved most of those novels. (The last one or so had slightly weak left lungs.) And I look forward to reading the next one, which is due out next year. And my love for Jo and Harry was so great that I even read the first Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder book. It was as bad as you would probably think it would be, so I didn't go on with that series, despite my serious problems with OCDing writers. And I read those two awful (but blissfully short) Olav Johansen books. I saw the movie Headhunters, which dissuaded me from reading that book, but I did buy The Son and I really meant to read it.... And I even saw the movie version of The Snowman, despite horrific reviews (and despite an interview with the director who claimed that they had run out of money and were unable to finish filming all of the scenes for the movie--which, by the way, I thought was actually pretty good, so there goes my fuckin' credibility. Again.).

Which brings us to Macbeth. I almost bought it when I saw it on the stands, but with a list price of $27, it was out of my league. Went home to see what Amazon could do for me. And it was pretty good: $14.76 hardback. But I was online already, which reminded me to take a look at LFPL...and there it was, with a fairly short wait list. So I got it. As per usual, it sat around collecting dust for a week or so, then I realized that the due date was looming close and that I would not be able to renew it, so I cracked it open.

After just a page or two I had to stop. It was just. Too. Fucking. Corny. It reminded me of the shit that high school students write for goofy ass English assignments.

Write a modern day version of Macbeth.

Hey, I got it. What if Macbeth was a cop...and...and Banquo, he's a cop, too. And McDuff, too. But we'll just call him Duff, because...because. And, and....

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

But I do love Jo Nesbø. So I pulled myself back to it last night. It was still pretty bad, but I started to think I could stand it enough to push myself through. It would definitely be more on the constipation side of the reading spectrum. (I have had some quite lovely diarrhea moments with Edgar Rice Burroughs; even when he's not at his best, the man knows how to tell a story.) But this morning. 

Oh.

Check this out this tender moment between Macbeth and his Lady:

"He turned onto his back. Her hand stroked his stomach, stopped and waited. She was the queen. And her vassal obediently stood up under the silk material."

There are few things that annoy me as much as cutesie-pie references to sex. And besides that, vassals don't stand up to their queen, do they? If you're going to be stupid, you could at least take the trouble to be internally consistent. 

I tried to hang tough and staggered on through a few more pages, but just had to stop at 52 to get this off of my chest. There are almost 400 pages left in this novel. I am pretty sure that I'm not going to make it.

And it's not just the stupid He Had a Hard On thing. This is just a very bad novel. Bad story. Not well-written. 

And that's a shame. Because Jo Nesbø is a really good writer. I hate to think that someone would pick up this novel, be put off by it, and never read another Nesbø after that.

So Public Service Announcement: Do not read this book. Read a Harry Hole instead. Start with the first one...which I couldn't do, as they were published a bit out of order in the USofA...and you will be rewarded with a very rich reading experience. Not only will you get great characters, but you'll get some pretty slam bang detective stories, and you will probably find yourself (as I did at one time) planning a trip to Oslo.