Probably Not The Last Time I Quote From Kornel Esti by Deszö Kosztolányi

"He could sense the enigma of the kiss. When people are helpless with despair and desire, and speech is no longer of use, the only means of making contact is by the mingling of their breath. They try in this way to enter into one another, into the depths where perhaps they will find the meaning and the explanation of everything."

Kornel Esti 

by

Deszö Kosztolányi

Oh, man, is that some kind of beautiful or what? Of course I thought of some of my favorite kisses as I read this. 

That last "girlfriend" who was so anxious to get into bed very early on, and how that really put me off, since I like to actually know a person before I have sex with them. And I talked to her about that pretty openly and she accepted it, then asked if we could just kiss. And that was, of course, more than reasonable, though I really wasn't feeling the pull. But of course you can't go that far and expect things not to migrate south at several thousand miles per hour, so I leaned in and kissed her. And almost immediately I felt electrified. Such a flood of warmth and sweetness. Mmmmm. And thinking about that made me think of my first kiss at age 17. June and I had walked out onto the athletic field of our high school, and she took me by surprise when she turned towards me and kissed me. 1  The sun (it was, improbable though it might seem, the month of June) was shining down on us and her long blonde hair was billowing in the breeze and it was. Just. Magical. And then I thought of the other kisses . . . .  

Every one of them was at least good.

And then I couldn't help but think that it is quite possible that I have experienced my last kiss, since I am pretty sure that I have given up on the possibility of having a romantic relationship at this point in my life, and this made me mourn that fact. Made me think that maybe I . . . well, probably not. Enough is enough, y'know?

1  Hey, truth is truth: I have a long history of Not Making The First Move. It didn't prevent me from having my fair share of relationships, thank God. But it may have set me up for a pattern of relationships with aggressive 2 women who would tend to not be interested in sticking around for the long run. Not hatin', just relatin'. 

2   Or "aggressive," if you prefer. I don't mean this as a condemnation at all. It's quite possible that I'd never have lost my virginity if not for this type of "aggression."