⚾&🎵

Public Domain

Public Domain

Stoned thought of the day: when the ball is hit in baseball, every player has to know where to go. It's like football in that there are distinct plays. But at the same time, there has to be an improvisational part to the baseball play--like Jazz.

Also, the shape of the baseball game is not determined by time, as all other sports are; baseball is contingent upon the performance of players. This openness also reminds me of Jazz.

And because there is nothing new    🌞

                                                                 ⬆, when I Googled Baseball and Jazz, looking for a public domain picture I could put to use, I found a little essay on the similarities between baseball and jazz. It's https://johnedwardhasse.com/speaker/jazz-and-baseball/ if you'd like to have a little look.

The Band of the Crow

 I love Arvid Nelson. Not only is he a wonderful writer (I'm particularly fond of Rex Mundi, which I think is one of the greatest comic books ever*), but he's also a really nice guy. And he has just recently started a new comic book project, The Band of the Crow, on Kickstarter. Go HERE and check out the video that's posted. Is that some beautiful artwork or what? 

And I can guarandamn-t you that the story will be enthralling, having read literally (and I mean that literally) hundreds of pages of Arvid's writing. (In addition to Rex Mundi, he's written, among other things, Kull, Thulsa Doom, Red Sonja, & Warlord of Mars.) 

You can get a digital copy of this comic book for a mere $2, or you can shoot the moon and get a real comic book for $8 ($5 of that's for shipping). I know that $8 is a lot for a comic book, but (1) you can select the Kickstarter Only cover 

and have a nice little collector's item that you won't find elsewhere, (2) did I mention that Arvid is a nice guy? and (3) this is not a corporate produced and financed book. Wouldn't you like to support the little guy? Of course you would.

Don't wait too long, as this project (which is already well over fully funded) ends Sunday, November 24 2024 8:10 PM EST.

* You can get the entire Rex Mundi series in six volumes or in two omnibus volumes--almost 1,200 pages total.

BREAKING NEWS: I just found out that there's aNOTHer The Band of the Crow edition on something called Indiegogo (HERE). 

DDR2: My Struggle Book Two: A Man in Love by Karl Ove Knausgård

 

573 pages. 

Day 1 (DDRD 2,556) October 30, 2024 

Read to page 50.

Big leap from Book One, which was a little disorienting ar first, but by the time I hit page 50 I was cruising along, and only Game 4 of the World Series could keep me from reading more.

Day 2 (DDRD 2,557) 🎃 October 31, 2024 🎃 

Read to page 75. Busy day.

"...the life I led was not my own. I tried to make it mine, this was my struggle, because, of course, I wanted it, but I failed, the longing for something else undermined all my efforts." (69)

"...[P]erhaps it was the prefabricated nature of the days in this world I was reacting to, the rails of routine we followed, which made everything so predictable that we had to invest in entertainment to feel any hint of intensity." (Still 69) 

Now that (⬆️) is some IFS*. 

And on page 74:

Of COURSE he's reading Demons at the same time (so to speak) that I am. I'm not even surprised. 

* Intense Fucking Shit

Day 3 (DDRD 2,558)  November 1, 2024 

Read to page 110. Another busy day. About half of this reading g was done in church (before the service

On the difficulty of reading Distoyevsky: "I was uncomfortable in Dostoyevsky's world." (96)

Just a few lines earlier, KOK said, "The threshold for reading [Dostoyevsky] became higher the less I read...." I'm not sure what he means by that, but it's clear that (1) he loves Dostoyevsky and (2) he finds Dostoyevsky difficult to read.

Also clear: KOK has antiquated views of men and women which border on misogyny and (2) he wants to fuck every pretty woman he sees, even though he has a wife and a young child at home.

Day 4 (DDRD 2,559)  November 2, 2024 

Read to page 150.

Referring to the boxing ring, KOK says, "There the values that the welfare state had otherwise subverted, such as masculinity, honor, violence and pain, were upheld...." (126)

What the fucking fuckety fuck????

Also...KOK mentions that a fellow writer / friend, Geir Angell Øygarden, had written a book entitled The Aesthetics of a Broken Nose. I thought that sounded interesting, so I went to have a look for books by thus Grid fellow. Amazon? Nope. Better World Books? Nope. Thrift Books? Nope. LFPL? Nope. Ebay? Nope. AbeBooks? 2! Neither in English. Neither 👃. Internet Archive? Nope. 

Guess I won't be reading that book.

Another reason to learn Norwegian.

Day 5 (DDRD 2,560)  November 3, 2024 

Read to page 200.

Mention is made of the great(-est?) Norwegian writer, Tor Ulven. I searched high and low: one slim book of poetry on Amazon. Nothing else.

I'm 67 years old. It's too late to become a translator of Norwegian literature. 

Isn't it?

I sure hope that "fucking a 13 year old girl" wasn't a real thing, as KOK says. That would definitely be the end of our reading relationship. 

Day 6 (DDRD 2,561)  November 4, 2024 

Read to page 244.

Just took a peak to see how long A Raw Youth is, and happened upon this statement:

"One must be too disgustingly in love with self to be able without shame to write about oneself." Dostoyevsky, A Raw Youth. 

Hmmm.....that's a bit in the nose, isn't it?

My book's been making some weird creaking noises as I read. Check out this bookbinding disaster waiting to happen:

What kind of idiot binds a book this way? The idiots at archipelago Books, that's who.

Day 7 (DDRD 2,562)  November 5, 2024 

Read to page 249. Yeah, only 5 pages. Busy day + election returns 😔. 

Day 8 (DDRD 2,563)  November 6, 2024 

Read to page 282.

Hmmm. Is it just me, or is KOK an asshole? When his pregnant girlfriend starts bleeding, he tells her everything is fine and doesn't take her to see a doctor...because they're on vacation, visiting his mother. He throws a glass across the room during an argument. Etcetera. And you might think it's brave of him to write about himself in this way...but I don't get the feeling that he knows he is an asshole, which makes him an even bigger asshole. We've also never come back to the did you have sex with a 13 year old girl thing. I'm starting to wonder if it's time to get off this train.

Day 9 (DDRD 2,564)  November 7, 2024 

Read to page 323.

Speaking of his Russian neighbor, KOK says, "She's like any woman. Just very unhappy, an alcoholic and Russian. With an impulse control disorder (311)

Hmm. Sure sounds like a misogynist to me. And still no denial of the having sex with a 13 year old girl...even though there was another reference to that. Not good.

Today in The Possessed there was a Giving Birth scene which was quite riveting (and mercifully brief). Today in My Struggle there was a birth scene which was quite riveting and so extensive that I had to quit for the night only halfway through it.

Day 10 (DDRD 2,565)  November 8, 2024 

Read to page 360.

And today, as the Giving Birth scene continued, I felt myself remembering (in detail) Jimmy's Birth. Vividly. It was very scary, and concluded with an emergency C-section. Oh, those days.

Day 11 (DDRD 2,566)  November 11, 2024 

Hmmm. I missed reading yesterday, but somehow I've managed to mess up my date count, so it looks like I missed two days. There was a time when I would've spent many minutes (or more) tracking down the error, but that time is gone. 

Read to page 390. I was so into Herscht 07769 that I almost passed on My Struggle 2 for a second day, but I managed to pull myself out and enjoyed 30 pages of KOK. Even though he again proves himself to be an asshole several times. He's incredibly selfish, for one thing. Maybe you have to be to be a writer...but I don't think so. Then afain, I can't exactly call myself a writer, can I? So what the fuck do I know.

Day 12 (DDRD 2,567)  November 12, 2024 

Read to page 410. Hospital volunteering, pottery class, dinner with son, daughter-in-law,  granddaughter. Oh, plus gettin' stoned. Full day, so 20 pages on DDR2 = Not Bad.

Day 13 (DDRD 2,568)  November 13, 2024 

Read to page 440, so a mere 133 pages to go. The stop point for today's reading was quite moving: KOK reclaiming how he wanted to be whole, how he wanted to be good. And the image if him kneeling to receive communion is quite powerful...especially so given that he is not "a believer." But I still can't shake that story about having sex with a 13 year old girl. Was it just a scene in his novel, or did it really happens his friend said? It's a big deal, and I can't believe that KOK hasn't come back to it. If he did, I don't think I can continue to read his books. If he didnt, he needs to say so. Clearly. Loudly.

One funny thing. When I hit the end of a sentence on page 440, I had a passing thought: "Oh, a period!" 

I've been Krasznahorkai-ized.

Day 14 (DDRD 2,569)  November 14, 2024 

Read to page 470.

So...KOK has been nominated for an award and has to give a speech. He fantasizes about what he will say: "Ladies and gentlemen. I don't give a shit about you, I don't give a shit about the book I've written, I don't give a shit if it wins a prize or not, all I want to do is write more." (444)

Then he fantasizes about spreading newspapers in front of the podium and shitting in front of the audience.

What a great guy. 

Not to mention the Return of the 13 Year-Old Girl:

Maybe it's me, but I see (1) no indication that the rape of a 13 year old girl by her teacher (KOK) did not actually happen and (2) not the slightest shred of remorse. And when KOK's friend says, "...OK. She had to be screwed then." there is no push back from KOK.

So imaginary or not, to me this is still evidence of a truly depraved individual. Or two.

And I'm getting a bit tired of his nasty ass.

I'm going to finish this book, but this might be it for me and the rest of KOK's Struggle.

Deep breath.

In other news:

"What is the modern view of a prayer? There is only one kind of prayer for modern people and that is as an expression of desire. You don't pray unless there is something you want." (464)

So at least there's that.

ADDENDUM: It kept gnawing at my brain, so I Googled "Did Karl I've Knausgaard have sex with a 13 year old girl?"

SPOILER AHEAD

And at  https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/the-form-of-the-small-life-karl-ove-knausgaards-my-struggle-book-six/

I found this:

"In Book Four, Knausgaard describes his uneasy relations with the teenage students he taught for a year in Northern Norway. In Book Six, he confesses that he had a “strong and secret desire” to sleep with one of them, a girl of 13. He did nothing to put that desire into action...." 

So that's some relief. Why the duck KOK had to wait until Book Four to get around to that is more than a mystery, though. Surely I'm not the only one who was ready to bail on this book over this...right?

Right?

Day 15 (DDRD 2,570)  November 15, 2024 

Read to page 520. Was going to just go ahead and finish it off, but Mike Tyson vs. Jake Paul, so...🥊🥊

Of course, having secret desires for a 13 year old girl...even if you don't act on them...still seems pretty sick to me. However...which of us wouldn't look like a sick asshole if our every thought was made visible? 

Day 16 (DDRD 2,571)  November 16, 2024 

Read to page 573 (The End).

Checked out another review, this one from NPR, and thought this final sentence was poignant: "His work makes you realize that each and every one of our lives contains rich enough material for a long, daunting book called My Struggle."

https://www.npr.org/2015/04/29/403046849/3-600-page-autobiographical-novel-is-an-honest-and-masterful-selfie

"What is the work of art if not the gaze of another person? Not directed above us, nor beneath us, but at the same height as our own gaze. Art cannot be experienced collectively, nothing can, art is something you are alone with. You meet i's gaze alone." (545)

And now...I think I'm going to lay off the Knausgaard for a day or two and concentrate on finishing Herscht 07769. This Two DDRs A Day is fun, but also quite taxing. And it leaves my brain a little tingly. I can't even guess how many times I stopped reading a passage in this book and stared at a period, baffled. (Because as if page 258, there have been no periods in Herscht 07769.) 

But I think I'll be back for Book 3 venisoon. 

🤞 

The Umbrella Book

                            

  I finally have a title for it:

"Every man has a right to an umbrella."

Thanks, Fyodor.

From The Devils by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, "Night" Chapter 2. Translated by David Magarshack.

Constance Garnett translates this much less impressively as "Anyone is worthy of an umbrella."

My nephrologist called me noble today.

I try not to be confrontational. If you talk about how much you love a movie that I hated, you won't hear a negative peep out of me. Now, if you ask me for my opinion about it, I won't lie...but I'll soft-pedal it. Because (see above) I see no need to be confrontational, and I am not a proselytizer. 

Same goes for when well-intentioned people say things which I find insulting. If it's coming from a good heart, I will not balk. 

I am the father of three children, two of whom are autistic. They all (3, that is) are my number one priority in life. That has caused me a lot of trouble in my personal life, at minimum contributing to the upending of two marriages and several other long term relationships. Which hurts...a lot...but fuck it, man, the kids come first. They didn't ask for this life, and as 50% of the reason they were thrown into it, I am responsible for and to them. I retired from teaching four years too early, which chopped my pension down quite a bit...and left me without a job which I truly loved. But my kids needed me, and guess what? They come first. So I retired early.

Etcetera. Because I'm a father. And fathers take care of their kids. Well, GOOD fathers, anyway. And I strive to be a good father.

It seems pretty simple to me.

But people who know me have told me that they admire me, that what I'm doing is extraordinary... and several have told me that I was a 😇SAINT😇.

And today my nephrologist told me that I was noble. Because I take care of my kids to the best of my ability.

Well, all of that's nice, of course. And I know it comes from good hearts with good intentions.  But I think it's important to point out that it's total bullshit.

My kids aren't a burden. They're the center of my life, the heart of my joy, my raison d'être. Do you praise a man for eating or for breathing? Do you praise a man for not being an asshole? Then don't tell me I'm noble or a saint because I stand by my kids. To praise that makes it seem like something extraordinary, and it should be normal behavior.

It should be what's fucking exPECTed.

P.S. In case you're wondering, the kidneys are doing better, thank you.

DDR2: My Struggle Book One: A Death in the Family by Karl Ove Knausgård

 

It's not that I'm not enjoying my current DDR book, The Possessed by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It's just said that when I was pondering what to read after Anathem, I happened to think of Karl Ove Knausgård's magnum opus, and the bug that put up my butt has been flapping its wings ever since. So I thought, Maybe I'll just have a little taste of My Struggle Book One. Which I have...but which I couldn't find, of course. The LFPL has two copies...one real and one e-...but both of them are out at the moment. Hoopla came through for me, though, so....

Day 1 (DDRD 2,547) October 21, 2024 

Read to page 50 (of 456). 

"Understanding the world requires you to take a certain distance from it." 

Well...distance from the world I've got. In spades. So Understanding, here I come.

And btw, this 

             

              is the 1669 Rembrandt self portrait that KOK refers to on pages 29 to 30.*

Also, shortly after that (⬆), KOK refers to a band named Dungen, and you can check them out HERE. They have an interesting sound. I was bracing myself for heavy metal (just a Nordic stereotype at work, I suppose), but this is more like a combination of Yes and Alice in Chains' weird vocals than Megadeth. Try it, you'll like it.

No, no, no...thank YOU.

Oh...and there's lots of Dungen available on Bandcamp, where you can get several free listens before they cut you off.

The first 50 pages of this book were a breeze. KOK writes in a way that makes you feel like you're talking to your best friend of twenty or thirty years, and his honesty is like a blast of hot air that hits your face when you open the oven door for a peek at the lasagna. I doubt that I can maintain a regular pace anywhere close to this, but it sure made for a fun reading day today.

* It's hard to give page numbers that are helpful, as the page count increases or decreases with the font size. I tried to get my count to equal what Amazon quotes for the hardback version of the book, but I couldn't get it there (440), so everything is going to be a little off.

Day 2 (DDRD 2,548) October 22, 2024

Read to page 104. Oops, I did it again. I'm pretty sure that I wrote some notes on this 54 page stretch yesterday, but they've disappeared. Drugs were involved.




Day 3 (DDRD 2,549) October 23, 2024

Read to page 164. What??? And I think I'm going to read a bit more, to. Its just so easy to slip into this book. It makes you feel like you're re-living your own life. First times getting drunk. First kisses. First bare breasts. Lying to parents. Speaking out. Being in love. Hating school. Listening to Iggy Pop and David Bowie. Reading Jean Genet. Yep, I'm going to go read some more now.

ADDENDUM: read to page 176*. And...might read a little bit more when I get into bed.

ADDENDUM 2: to 182.

* Hmm. Halfway point is 228. Thinking I might could hit that tomorrow. (If not sooner 😘.)




Day 4 (DDRD 2,550) October 24, 2024

Read to page 208. A bit short today...just didn't have quite enough time.

"...true laughter and true desire are incompatible." (209)

Day 5 (DDRD 2,551) October 25, 2024

Read to page 246. Might read a few more after I check out the World Series Game 1 ⚾

The Constable painting KOK was so enamoured of...I think. Apparently, Constable painted two similar paintings on September 6, 1822, so it could be "the other one."

Deep breath. Go:

"Art does not know a beyond, science does not know a beyond, religion does not know a beyond, not anymore. Our world is enclosed around itself, enclosed around us, and there is no way out of it. Those in this situation who call for more intellectual depth, more spirituality, have understood nothing, for the problem is that the intellect has taken over everything. Everything has become intellect, even our bodies, they aren't bodies anymore, but ideas of bodies, something that is situated in our own heaven of images and conceptions within us and above us, where an increasingly large part of our lives is lived. The limits of that which cannot speak to us -- the unfathomable -- no longer exist. We understand everything, and we do so because we have turned everything into ourselves. Nowadays, as one might expect, all those who have occupied themselves with the neutral, the negative, the nonhuman in art, have turned to language, that is where the incomprehensible and the otherness have been sought, as if they were to be found on the margins of human expression, on the fringes of what we understand, and of course, actually, that is logical: where else would it be found in a world that no longer acknowledges that there is a beyond?" (229)

Speaking of page 229...I just passed the halfway point. 🎉

KOK is talking about how he carries his heavy suitcase by the handle, even though it has wheels, then says, "I detested the tiny wheels, first of all, because they were feminine, thus not worthy of a man...." (239)

Well. THAT was unexpected. And to think that this guy is younger than me. 'Course he IS Nordic. That Viking Blood, y'know.

Day 6 (DDRD 2,552) October 26, 2024

Read to page 295.

Day 7 (DDRD 2,553) October 27, 2024

Read to page 336.

Day 8 (DDRD 2,554) October 28, 2024

Read to page 380.

Speaking of Adorno, of whom I've never heard, KOK says, "What enriched me while reading Adorno, for example, lay not in what I read, but in the perception of myself while I was reading. I was someone who read Adorno! And in this heavy, intricate, detailed, precise language whose aim was to elevate thought ever higher, and where every period was set like a mountaineer's cleat, there was something else, this particular approach to the mood of reality, the shadow of these sentences that could evoke in me a vague desire to use the language with this particular mood on something real, something living...for it was not the case that language cloaked reality in its moods, but vice versa, reality arose from them. (336)

First off, that's some heavy shit. Second off, what a beautiful piece of writing, especially the cleat bit. Sometimes I wonder about the person KOK...who can be cruel...but there's no doubt that he's a wonderful writer. 

KOK describes a crane as a "mechanical provisorium." I'd never seen one of those words before, so I Wikipediaed. 

Here's what I got:

Astralium provisorium is a species of sea snail, a marine gastropod mollusk in the family Turbinidae, the turban snails.

Which looks like this:

Public Domain 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astralium_provisorium

Doesn't look much like a crane to me, but hey, I'll give any man his argument.

Also, this: "I had just eaten one apple - seeds, stock, and all...." (370) Just like my Jacqueline ❤️. 

And now, the Bunny Nutshell Library Edition of My Life:

"...there had been days when I had cared, days when I had been on the outside and had suffered. Now I was only on the outside." (383)

Day 9 (DDRD 2,555) October 29, 2024

Read to page 448...The End.  So an average just shy of 50 pages per day. And this wasn't even my primary DDR. I think that speaks to the power of this book, of KOK's writing. Need I add that I'm planning on starting Book 2 tomorrow? And I actually have a book book version of that one, so thanks for Book One, hoopla, but I'm going full paper jacket in this one.

The final sentence of Book 1:

"...death, which I have always regarded as the greatest dimension of life...was no more than a pipe that springs a leak, a branch that cracks in the wind, a jacket that slips off a clothes hanger and falls to the floor." (448)

DDR: The Possessed by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

 

Or possibly The Devils...or even Demons. A 🌹by etcetera, right? At any rate, I'm really feeling a Neal Stephenson pull, specifically to The Baroque Cycle, but I'm also thinking #1☀ might want to read that one with me, so I'm going to leave that on the shelf (so to speak, as many of my bookshelf are not on shelves at the moment) and go for something else. But what? So many choices. I thought about doing The Great When, Alan Moore's new novel...but I took a peek at that and TBH, it didn't look like a 🍵 I wanted to quaff at the moment. So. Well, I don't hate to leave things unfinished, and I have three DDR projects hanging fire as of this writing: The Complete Kafka, The Complete Dostoyevsky, and The Collected Essays of T.H. Huxley. 

So I thought I'd have another go at Dostoyevsky.

And next up on the uncompleted list was Бесы...aka Demons,  The Possessed, or The Devils. Per the picture above, I have book book copies of the last two. The Constance Garnett one (Faces Hand version) purports to include "A HITHERTO SUPRESSED CHAPTER", so I'm thinking that is The One. Although I am kind of fond of the formality of the David Magarshack translation. Have a look:

DM says, "Before describing the extraordinary events which took place so recently in our town, hitherto not remarkable for anything in particular, I find it necessary, since I am not a skilled writer, to go back a little and begin with certain biographical details concerning our talented and greatly esteemed Stepan Trofimovich Verkhovensky. I hope these details will serve as an introduction to the social and political chronicle of our town, while the story I have in mind to relate will come later."

CG says, "In undertaking to describe the recent and strange incidents in our town, till lately wrapped in uneventful obscurity, I find myself forced in absence of literary skill to begin my story rather far back, that is to say, with certain biographical details concerning that talented and highly esteemed gentleman, Stepan Trofimovich Verkhovensky. I trust that these details may at least serve as an introduction, while my projected story itself will come later."

Well, 🍅 or 🍅, I suppose.

So it's 

The salient details:

(1) published in 1963
(2) xiv + 736 = 750 pages

(3) about 25 days' worth of reading

(4) my copy is an LFPL discard

Okie dokie.

Day 1 (DDRD 2,545) October 19, 2024 

Hey...48 years ago today I arrived at Ft. Dix, New Jersey for Basic Training. That was no easy day, man.

Read to page 20. It didn't pull me in, but it wasn't a slog, either. That's good enough for me. For now, anyone.

In the Forward,  Avrahm Yarmolinsky, who makes the seemingly required insulting comments on Dostoyevsky's work ("only partially successful," "exaggerated,  distorted, anachronistic"), also seems to call Dostoyevsky a Fascist: "In some respects Dostoyevsky's emotional nationalism and racialism anticipate the Fascist philosophy of our own day." (v)

WTF? Who hires these guys to write introductions like this? And who the hell is Avrahm Yarmolinsky, anyway?

Well, no way to answer the first question,  but as to the second, the (slim) Wikipedia entry on Avrahm includes the phrase, "and the husband of Babette Deutsch." (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avrahm_Yarmolinsky) Well, God bless her, but I think anytime the phrase, the husband of or the wife of or the whatever of appears in a bio, it probably means that the person who is the subject of the entry is not that famous. On top of that, I for one have never heard of Babette Deutsch, so the fact that she is invoked would seem to imply that our man Avrahm is pretty far down The List, ya feel me? Just sayin'.

P.S. I am waaaaaaaaaay overdue to read some Karl Ove Knausgård.

Day 2 (DDRD 2,546) October 20, 2024 

Read to page 50. Starting to slip into gear, so even though it hasn't caught me up yet, neither us it a chore. Got to admit that I'm still thinking hard about 

though.

Meanwhile:

"...Christianity has failed to understand women...." (35)

Day 3 (DDRD 2,547) October 21, 2024 

Read to page 80. Still neither chore nor delight.

"...set the most insignificant nonentity to sell miserable tickets at a railway station, and the nonentity will at once feel privileged to look down on you like a Jupiter.... (54)

"Do you go for a four-mile walk every day as the doctor told you to?" (55) Four miles being pretty close to 10,000 steps, so I guess THAT's been around for awhile.

Stepan Trofimovich Verkhovensky, 53, is supposed to marry 20 year old Darya Pavlovna Shatova (Dasha). Well...hard not to take THAT personally. One of the commentaries I read online suggested that Dash a was comparable to Sonya in Crime and Punishment. Hmpf. I'll have to jeep an eye on that.

Day 4 (DDRD 2,548) October 22, 2024 

Read to page 110.

Woke up this morning and my first thought upon awakening was, "I'm going to read some My Struggle. Sorry about that. Fyodor. (But I still read my thirty Possessed pages first.)

Day 5 (DDRD 2,549) October 23, 2024 

Read to page 140. With a little help from Jet.

"God is the pain of the fear of death." (114)

"God is a concept by which we measure our pain." John Lennon

https://www.google.com/search?q=God+is+a+concept+by+which+we+measure+our+pain&client=ms-android-verizon-us-rvc3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8&inm=vs#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:2621c3f5,vid:aCNkPpq1giU,st:0

Hmmm.

I started the day (4:30 am) with My Struggle.  Couldn't help myself. And most of the pages I read were about a New Year's Eve party, with (naturlich) a great deal of focus on 12:00. When my Kindke ran out of power is switched over to The Possessed, wherein a moment ago I read this:

It's a small world after all.

Day 6 (DDRD 2,550) October 24, 2024 

Read to page 170. Hmmm. Hate to say it, but...kind of boring.

Day 7 (DDRD 2,551) October 25, 2024 

Read to page 200. And another boring thirty pages. Come on, FD, you can do better than this. I might try switching to the other translation for a session, just to see if that helps.

Day 8 (DDRD 2,552) October 26, 2024 

Read to page 230...which is page 234 in the DM version.

I'm not sure how much difference switching translations made...so i think I'll give it another go tomorrow. 

I picked up my other version of this book--The Devils, translated by David Magarshack--to see if Constance Garnett's rendition could be causing my apathy for this novel. After a few pages, I read this:

"...genuine grief sometimes turns even fools into wise men...for a time, of course...." (209)

And then I went back to see how Constance did it:

"...even fools are by genuine sorrow turned into wise men... only for a short time. Of course...." (203)

Well. That's a little awkward, CG. Think I'll stick with DM for a bit and see how it goes.

Day 9 (DDRD 2,553) October 27, 2024 

Read to page 265. (still DM version). Reading seemed to go a bit better today...a little theological argument formed much of it, and I'm always down for that. 

Also, the conversation/argument between Shatov and Stavrogin reminded me a lot of Raskolnikov and Svidrigailov, which is a good thing.

"Man's unhappy because he doesn't know that he's happy. Only because of that. That's all--that's all! He who finds out will become happy at once--that very minute." (243)

Here's a big thought:

"The purpose of the whole evolution of a nation, in every people and at every period of its existence, is solely the pursuit of God, their God, their very own God, and faith in Him as in the only true one. God is the synthetic personality of the whole people, taken from its beginning to its end." (256)

This more or less becomes an argument for every nation having its own unique God...though it seems to me that you could argue that these aren't different Gods, but differing views of the one God.

"...atheism is still healthier than Roman Catholicism." (258) Yowza! 

Day 10 (DDRD 2,554) October 28, 2024 

Read to page 298 (DM version). The duel was actually pretty exciting. And f course I'm always down for a crazy person. So today's reading was a notch above okay.

Day 11 (DDRD 2,555) October 29, 2024 

Read to page 331 (DM version).

"...religion is necessary in order to brutalize the people." (318)

Constance?

"...you know perfectly well that you need religion to brutalise the people." (320)

Hmm. Not much difference,  but I'm giving the edge to DM again.

The last bit of this section,  in which a group of louts crashes a crime scene and mocks a young suicide, was really disturbing. Sometimes it's hard not to hate human beings, and wonder at God's choice to spare Niah and Company from the flood (so to speak--I don't take this story as history...or even true).

Day 12 (DDRD 2,556) October 30, 2024 

Read to page 362 (DM).

Semyon Yakovlevich, a "holy fool," says "Kick her in the ____, in the ____!"... and the narrator notes that he " addresses himself to her with an extremely indecent word." (338)  I wanted to see how Constance had handled that, so I switched over to her translation, and found, "Out with the ____, out with the ____...." (341) Neither of which seems very appropriate for a monk, but those are quite different takes, aren't they? I think somebody took some license here.

Day 13 (DDRD 2,557) 🎃 October 31, 2024 🎃 

Hmmm. Day 13...and on the 31st? There's something happening here, and what it is ain't exac-a-ly clear.

Read to page 394. You know, the reading is going along okay, and there are some entrancing moments here and there, but I really have a very clear idea of what is going on in this story...other than people sniping at each other. That seems like a bad sign.

"...the easiest way in which a Russian could be won over is by telling him frankly that he has a right to be dishonorable." (389)

Well...it's not just Russians, is it?

Day 14 (DDRD 2,558) November 1, 2024

Read to page 450. Hmm. Didn't actually mean to read that far. Wish I could say it was absorption that accounted for the extra pages, but actually up it was because I marked the wrong endpoint for my thirty. Somedays it just be like that.

Day 15 (DDRD 2,559) November 2, 2024

Read to page 450.

Why oh why do these motherfuckers insist on not translating the French phrases that erupt throughout this novel? If it's meant to accentuate verisimilitude, fine, but would it kill them to throw in a fucking footnote? Very irritating,  and my life is too short to Google translate...there are a hell of a lot of French phrases here. 😕 

Day 16 (DDRD 2,560) November 3, 2024

Read to page 480.

"Of course, no one has a right to expect from me, as the narrator, too exact an account concerning one point: for we are dealing with a mystery here, we are dealing with a woman." (467)

I find myself preoccupied with wondering, "How mdany pages to go? (Less than 200, btw).

Day 17 (DDRD 2,561) November 4, 2024

Read to page 510. And the beat goes on. Not awful, not boring, but not substantial, either. Fortunately, another five days ought to do it.

"...stupidity, like the greatest genius, is equally useful in shaping human destiny." (482)

Yep. Happy Election Day!

"...mankind can get along...without science, without bread, but without beauty it cannot carry on, for then there will be nothing more to do in the world.!" (483)

Day 18 (DDRD 2,562) November 5, 2024

Read to page 540. Four days to go.

Last night Jet jumped onto the footstool where I'd left my book and

That darned cat.

As I was examining the book to take stock of the damage--unbelievably  the front and back covers are still attached. Barely--I noticed the cover illustration for the first time:

As my beloved Father Zoeller once said in a theology class, it's the pigs "doing a half gainer" into the lake. (Matthew 8:28-34,Luke 8:26-37) 

Kinda strange.

I like that in a book.

Day 19 (DDRD 2,563) November 6, 2024

Read to page 560, then decided to switch back to the CG version, as (1) this book is now coming apart at the seams

and (2) I'm not THAT far from the end now (he said 😑), and the CG version has that "suppressed chapter" that this DM version doesn't have. And maybe also (3) I don't know that this translation is any better than CG's at this point. It's not as bad as The Idiot, but this book is definitely skippable, and no translation can turn it into a silk purse.

So from page 561 (DM) we go to page 575...and the chapter title of III 5 goes from "The Globe Trotter" to "A Wanderer."

And read from 575 to 585, which leaves 151 pages, so it's going to take an extra couple of days to finish now. Unless I start reading more pages per day...which doesn't seem likely. 

"There was a thrill of extraordinary and unexpected feeling in his soul. Three years of separation, three years of the broken marriage had effaced nothing from his heart. And perhaps every day during those three years he had dreamed of her, of that beloved being who had once said to him, 'I love you.'" (579)

Ouch.

Day 20 (DDRD 2,564) November 7, 2024

Read to page 625. Actually got a bit interesting here, what with an unexpected murder and cover-up. Also a birthing scene which was pretty intense. 111 pages to go. I kind of feel like pounding those pages down so I can start on my Krasznahorkai book. 🤔

"...life is a neatly thing for a decent man..." (625)

Day 21 (DDRD 2,565) November 8, 2024

Read to page 665. I'm thinking 2 more days with some extra push will do it. And then...The Krasznahorkai Cometh.

Day 22 (DDRD 2,566) November 9, 2024

Read to page 688...which us actually The End...but now cometh 48 pages of DVD extras. Some of which I'll attempt to read today. 

"...the mountains restrict both vision and thought." (684) *

When I read this line, I immediately thought, "I can use that for my ...Then There is no Mountain  novel...which I stopped working on some time ago. I guess it's still twitchin' a mite. I doubt that anything will come if it, but hey, 67 isn't as old as it used to be, right?

Here's a puzzler: "...outright atheism is more to be respected than worldly indifference.... Say what you may, but the complete atheist stands on the penultimate step to most perfect faith (he may not take a further step), but the indifferent person has no faith whatever except a bad fear, and that but rarely, and only if he is sensitive." (698) 

Say what???

On the next page, this is linked to the "lukewarm = spit the out," which helps to make sense of it...but how atheism is a step away from perfect faith eludes me. Insert your comments here, please.

ADDENDUM: had some wait time, read to 712.

* And C? "...the mountains restrict both vision and thought." Looks like somebody cooked somebody else's homework.

Day 23 (DDRD 2,567) November 10, 2024

Read to page 736...The End.  The last 50 pages or so of this book the extra ge much better than the first 680 pages. I wouldn't recommend reading it unless you're as OCS / anal retentive as I am, but at least it wasn't painful to read...like The Idiot. Speaking of, that book really bothers me in retrospect. I keep thinking about how Dostoyevsky Saud that was his favorite of his books, and it makes me want to give it another go. Then I think about how I had to pull myself hand over hand through every page of that thing, and I know it'd be crazy to out myself through that.

Which probably means that I'll do it at some point. But not niw, that's for sure. Now it's Krasznahorkai time!

It's hard not to think of Svidrigailov while reading the letter left by Stavrogin. In fact, much if his story here seems to fit in with things Svidrigailov referred to...and the character of Stavrogin seems identical to Svid's.