thE moviE I saW 2016
***** = Must see.
**** = Really good.
*** = Worth seeing.
** = A waste of time, but one or two good moments.
* = Not worth your time.
-0 = Less Than Zero.
1. Live and Let Die (1973)-0 Wow. So much racism. So much boat chase. So much Southern hick. So much waste of two hours of my life. This set a new all-time low for Bond films, I'd say.
2. The Man With the Golden Gun (1974)** Britt Ekland and Maud Adams. Otherwise, not too bad for about 40 minutes, then the usual.
3. Iron Man 3 (2013)*** Actually quite good at times. The big finale didn't do anything for me, though.
4. Cartel Land (2015)***** An amazing show . . . mesmerizing and horrifying and shocking. When I watch something like this, I realize how tiny and safe my world is. I would like to know more about Dr. José Manuel Micelles Valverde and the Grupos de Autodefensa. I also noticed that Kathryn Bigelow was one of the executive producers. She has done some very interesting work, hasn't she? How do you get from Point Break (the original) to Zero Dark Thirty?
5. Ziggy Stardust: The Motion Picture (1983)**** Made me cry a bit. 26 year old David Bowie . . . just beginning his rise.
6. Just a Gigolo (1978)**** Actually quite an enjoyable movie, and not just because of Bowie's presence. Although of course that didn't hurt. Genuinely funny at times. Plus it was Marlene Dietrich's last movie.
7. Les Pêcheurs de Perles (2016)***** First Met performance of this opera in 100 years. Holy shit. Some truly transcendent moments here. Saw this with Jimmy, which made it even better.
8. 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi (2016)*** Very intense, with some truly disgusting bloody violence. Some touching moments, too, though. And it was very good to see James Badge Dale (from Rubicon) again. So. Yeah.
9. Arthur and the Invisibles (2006)* Just awful.
10. The Man Who Bought Mustique (2000) Watched this because Amazon and IMDb told me that Bowie was in it. I'll admit that I didn't give 100% of my attention to it . . . but I never caught a glimpse nor a mention of Bowie. So I'm sending it through again. I think I might have seen a picture of Bowie being handled by the old Lord Glenconner . . . but I can't even be certain of that.
11. Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016)** A real yawner, actually. There was a scene or two that caught my eye . . . mostly involving fog . . . but for the most part I could only imagine that the writers came up with a dozen "funny" scenes and then wrote a connect the dots movie. It also did that thing where everything you see in the first part of the movie comes back in the second part of the movie. It all snaps together like a cheap plastic lock. Feh. Even worse, it cost more than $10 a ticket because both Joe and Jacqueline wanted to see it, and this was the only time we had to go. Adding injury to insult.
12. Anomalisa (2016), on the other hand, was just what I needed at the moment. So ***** In fact, this movie actually gave me a way of looking at the end of my most important romantic relationship in a way that made some sense of it . . . and didn't leave me feeling like a piece of shit. There's something that I haven't been able to do on my own. Thanks, Charlie Kaufman.
13. Corner Gas: Season One (2004) Oh, man, what a funny show. Stumbled upon it completely by accident, am now eating it up. But shit, man . . . only five more seasons. And a movie. Hopefully they'll gradually lower the quality so the separation at the end won't be painful.
14. SpongeBob Atlantis SquarePantis (2007)--aka Season 5, Episode 12***** Some parts of this show were just unbearable: the "live action" framing bits. But the show itself had some very clever and fun stuff . . . like "Art Song," which was quite quite nice. But the biggest reason that this is a must see / hear is that there is a character who is voiced by none other than David Bowie (which, of course, is the reason I bought this disc . . . which doesn't appear to be available online). And Bowie does a fabulous job with the voice actor thing. In fact, I didn't even realize it was him until about ten minutes had passed, and even then it was only because I started thinking, "Where the hell is Bowie?" and then remembered the name of the character he was playing, and then realized that I'd been watching that character for awhile. So yeah, it's a fiver. Go for it.
15. The Linguini Incident (1991)**** Some most excellent moments herein. And the David Bowie. (Iman, too!)
16. Christiane F (1981)** A horrid, horrifying, brutal, pointless movie. There are only two reasons to watch this thing: (1) the David Bowie performance of "Stationtostation," which is five minutes long, and (2) if you aren't feeling that you have enough depression in your life.
17. Il Mio West / Gunslinger's Revenge (1998)*** for the movie, but Bowie gets ***** for his performance.
18. Bandslam (2009)*** And two really hot girls, and a couple of brief scenes with David Bowie, so maybe **** for those bits.
19. Corner Gas: Season Two (2004 / 2005)**** It's still working for me. In fact, so far my favorite show was season two's "Smell of Freedom."
20. Baal (1982)**** Maybe +*, too. I'm not a big Bertolt Brecht fan, but Bowie really kicks ass here. Hard to believe that I've never watched it before.
21. Labyrinth (1986)*** But, again, Bowie should get one more *.
22. The Expanse: Season One (2016)**** Super ass kicking show. I still can hardly believe that Syfy put this one through itself. Just brilliant fucking stuff. I am pretty pissed off that I have to wait a year or so for the next season, though. Come on, guys, work harder! Feed me, Seymour!
23. Serious Moonlight (1984)*** Not my favorite Bowie era, and not even close to my favorite Bowie live performances, but still . . . it had its moments. Shit, this was done before Bowie played in Labyrinth? That's kind of disorienting.
24. The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)***** Funny how (for me, anyway) some things are "must see" even though they're not what I'd call great. I wouldn't call this a great movie, but the questions it addresses and evokes are important enough to make it a must-see for me.
25. Jazzin' for Blue Jean (1984)*** A little tiny movie, but fun.
26. Bowie – The Video Collection (1993)***** Some truly great videos here.
27. VH1 Legends - David Bowie (1998)***** Worth the price of admission for the early stills of Bowie alone, but also a very nice overview of the first four decades of Bowie.
28. Hasten Slowly: The Journey of Sir Laurens van der Post (1997)**** This was included in disc 2 of the Criterion version of Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence. It was a full out documentary, though, so I'm putting it up as a watch. I didn't count all of the little featurettes, but they were all worth watching. Especially The Ôshima Gang, which has some great Bowie interview footage.
29. Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence (1983)**** My favorite line: "I presume you've come for your carpet." Or maybe, "That's a good one." A line which occurs to me quite regularly . . . like several times a week at minimum.
30. B.U.S.T.E.D. (1999)** Most of the good moments involve Bowie, though. It's not that it's a bad movie, it's just that you've seen it all before. As have I.
31. Absolute Beginners (1986)** Bowie was good, and his musical number ("That's Motivation") was most excellent, but the movie itself was kind of shit, wasn't it?
32. Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)-0 Even Bowie's presence in this one couldn't make it worthwhile. And he's only in it for about a minute. Literally. So do your brain a favor and pass this one by.
33. The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976)**** Very powerful movie. This was at least my fourth time seeing it--probably more, by I can only distinctly remember three previous, which may speak more to my serious drug use back in those days than to anything else--and I could still watch it again. Maybe a few agains. Candy Clark is superb, and Bowie is quintessentially Bowie. And it's a pretty brave film, too: interracial love, homosexual love, male nudity (3 different penises are seen!) . . . face it, pilgrims, this one has it all.
34. Mayor of Sunset Strip (2003)*** The Bowie bits were excellent, and the rest was at least interesting. Oh, and I loved Cher and Nancy Sinatra.
35. Deadpool (2016)*****This was definitely not for the faint of heart. Some gruesome violence. Some highly inappropriate humor. And it was just a fucking party, brahs and tahs. I don't think I stopped laughing for more than two minutes the whole time. And on top of that . . . Moreno Baccarat was in it. Y'know, from Firefly? And . . . well, Gotham, sure. Wait, she was in the new V., too.
Yeah, that Morena Baccarat. Most beautiful woman in the world, man. So Deadpool really ought to get another * just for her. Maybe **. Ahem. So . . . I thought this movie was fucking great. I was a little worried going in because I had a 4:30 wake up call from the kid (he was anxious to watch our dvr-ed Legends of Tomorrow . . . sigh. I've officially checked out on that one. It is beyond terrible.), so I was feeling a little woozy. Even nodded off during some of the trailer stuff. But once Deadpool started to roll, I was in it. Never a weary moment, never even thought about checking the time. Just on the Deadpool train. I am going to predict that this movie is going to take the Top Box Office R-Rated Movie Crown away from The Passion of the Christ. (That's not a joke, by the way. Passion earned $370,782,930 . . . and is the top R-rated movie to date. But to back up my claim, Deadpool only opened last night, and it earned $12.7 million bucks . . . which already makes it (1) the biggest preview ever for an R-rated film and (2) biggest February opening EVuh. Hells yeah!
36. Into the Night (1985) With Michelle Pfeiffer, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Farnsworth, Irene Papas, Kathryn Harrold, Paul Mazursky, Vera Miles, Roger Vadim, Clu Gulager, David Bowie, and Dan Ackroyd. That's a pretty heavy cast. I think. I purpled the names I didn't really know. Still. Of course it would have been a better movie if Moreno Baccarat was in it, but that's always true.
37. The Prestige (2006)***** I still remember watching this in the theater with Clare, and just as I would be thinking, "Now wait a minute, how the hell--" the movie would answer my objection. Over and over. So many twists and turns, such a clever script, such great performances from Hugh Jackman and Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale and Christian Bale, and also by Scarlett Johansson--who never looked more dazzlingly beautiful--and Michael Caine and Piper Perabo and, of course, David Bowie, who did an excellent Tesla. Oh, yeah, great movie. Funny, I looked through every dvd and vhs tape in the house three times (literally) before I finally thought, "Did Jimmy borrow this movie?" And of course he did, so I just got it back from him today. Also super cool: Joe sat down and watched it with me. It always comes out better on a stolen guitar, man.
38. The Hunger (1983)** Y'know. It's just vampires. And not nearly enough Bowie. But if you like topless lesbian scenes, there's a bit of that. Come to think of it, even though it's just a stupid movie, it was still kind of painful to watch Bowie turn into a pruney old man. (And we're talking really pruney. Like Dick Tracy pruney. It is fierce harsh.
Oh, one more thing. The sound on this movie was just terrible. Lots of echo-y bullshit for no discernible reason, lots of shaking a sheet of aluminum sounds, that kind of shit. And why there was that "shwarrrr!" sound every time somebody pulled out their mini-dagger . . . I don't know, but it shoah was irritating.
39. August (2008)* Stop me if you've heard this one before: the story of a self-absorbed asshole who manages to maneuver himself to the top of the success ladder and then suddenly everything explodes and he can't deal with it.
On the other hand, Bowie was in it for a minute or two. As Cyrus Ogilvie. And looking quite dapper.
He so pretty. Enters the movie at 1:13:13 . . . though he doesn't say anything and is actually kind of hard to even see for two full minutes . . . and at1:19:03 he's outta there. So you can see his whole part in a clip on the You Tub if you want to forgo the movie experience.
40. The Rocketeer (1991)**** Jacqueline found out that Jennifer Connelly was in this movie and asked if I would get it. Not that I needed an excuse. In fact, I can't imagine why I didn't buy this movie long ago. Or maybe I did and don't know where it is. At any rate, found a good used copy on Amazon and it got here rickety split, and Q and I have been watching it together. And (1) it is really quite a good movie, funny and smart and sexy (thanks to Jennifer) and (2) um . . . did I mention Jennifer Connelly? You don't HAVE to see it, but you really should.
41. The Love You Make (2011)*** Interesting film which spends a fair amount of time following Paul McCartney as he walks or is driven around New York City. He gies people a lot of his time . . . but he also isn't shy about saying "That's enough now." Shows you how awful it would be to be that famous . . . how you no longer have a private life unless you wall yourself away . . . or at least stay nestled within a flying phalanx. Which is ironic. Famous people spend so much of their lives fighting to be recognized, but then if they really make it the adoration becomes toxic and as constant as the drops that fall during water torture. I guess kinda famous is the sweet spot. I did like that much of this film was shot in black and white. Black and white seems more real to me. Maybe just because it's one less distraction, ya know? So's I can concentrate.
42. Fant4stic (2015)*** Y'know, I don't think this movie is nearly as terrible as everybody else seems to think it is. I mean, come on: IMDb's got Ratings: 4.3/10 from 92,467 users and Metascore: 27/100, Rotten Tomatoes TOMATOMETER puts it at 9% with an
Average Rating: 3.4/10--Reviews Counted: 206, Fresh: 19 and Rotten: 187, Critics Consensus: Dull and downbeat, this Fantastic Four proves a woefully misguided attempt to translate a classic comic series without the humor, joy, or colorful thrills that made it great. Also, AUDIENCE SCORE 19% liked it, Average Rating: 2.1/5 (User Ratings: 135,705). Really? I thought it had some moments. Saw it in the theater with Joe and Jacqueline, watched it with Joe last night courtesy of Netflix. I could watch it again, no problem.
43. Showboat (1951)**** It was better watching it live on stage, but the movie version is crackin' good.
44. Deadpool (2016) Yep, again. Wanted to see it with Jimmy and Jessica. And I still enjoyed it . . . still laughed . . . but it was definitely too soon. Or maybe it's just not a see it twice kind of movie. Our maybe later when it comes out on dvd. Or Netflix. Y'know.
45. 45 Years (2016)**** Odd coincidence there, eh? My 45th movie this year is entitled 45. Strange and dissembling movie. I liked it. Pat's choice, so hats off to her.
46. Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971)**** Wow, this movie is 45 years old (again with the 45--WTF?), and Angela Lansberry was . . . let's see, film released on October 7, 1971, Angela born 16 October 1925 . . . Holy Shit!!! What is going on here?????
47. Risen (2016)**** Most excellent. Poignant, too. I teared up a couple of times. But why the hell do they perpetuate the Mary Magdalene Was a Whore error? Sheesh.
48. Ant-Man (2015)*** A little tiresome the second time around.
49. Ellis (2015)***** An amazing short film with Robert De Niro providing narration and onscreen presence as well.
50. The Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert for AIDS Awareness (1992)*** But it does have some moments.
51. Miracles From Heaven (2016)***** Not a great movie. Not even a good movie at times. But when it does work . . . and there are about a dozen moments when it does . . . it really pierces your heart. And also gives you some food for thought. Little Kylie Rogers is superb, and Jennifer Garner is mostly excellent. (She's a lot better at grief than the un-grief scenes, though.)
52. Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)** Tried to wait to see it with Joe. Couldn't do it. So I shot the moon and saw it in 3D (which he never wants to do). Here's the good news: Batman's Big Suit looked really bad ass; Ben Affleck 1 did a good job as Bruce Wayne and as Batman; Gal Gadot is super hot. The bad news: this movie was almost non-stop suck. The even worse news: I've got to go see it again with Joe. No way out of that one. Sigh.
1 How is it that Aflac Insurance has not used Ben yet? Sheesh, you gotta do everything for some people.
53. Daredevil Season 2 (2016)**** A veritable festival of ass kicking. There was some torture stuff that I could have lived without, and I really wish that you-know-who hadn't spray-painted you-know-what on his you-know-what at the end, but that wasn't enough to damage my calm even a mite. And I'm kind of getting used to that corny red suit now. Also love some of the nice touches, like the gladiator poster you see in the background in Melvin Potts's shop. Nice touch. Well played, Marvel, well played. Ummm . . . could we go ahead and do season three next week, please?
54. Mystery, Alaska (1999)**** Rotten Tomatoes gives this movie a TOMATOMETER rating of 38%. Which just goes to show that you can't always trust the TOMATOMETER. This is a really good movie. There are excellent performances by Russell Crowe, Hank Azaria, Burt Reynolds, Colm Meaney, Kevin Durand, and some other folks I didn't recognize. There were some laugh out loud moments, and there were some tearing up and going to cry moments. There were no moments when I thought, "Shit, why'd you have to do that?" And that happens I almost every tv show and movie I've ever seen at least once. Even in movies that I love. So fuck Rotten Tomatoes, man. Check this one out.
55. Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)** It mos def was not any better the second time around. In fact, there were some "dramatic" scenes which actually made me laugh this time around. This is just a bad movie. Joe and Jacqueline enjoyed it though, so good enough for me.
56. Star Wars: Episode II - Attacks of the Clones (2002)** Natalie Portman sure does have nice abs in this one.
57. Exposed (2016)**** Rotten Tomatoes have this movie a terrible review. And it was a complete disaster at the box office. Apparently it only earned $125 in its U.K. opening weekend. Which actually makes me angry. Not because people don't appreciate a movie that I thought highly of (it's not the kind of thing you can say that you liked), but because it is so maligned while utter shit like Batman v. Superman hauls in bucketloads of money . . . and fares much better on Rotten Tomatoes. Fuuuuuuuck.
58. The Walking Dead: Season 6 (2016)**** I guess. That ending was just a cheap shot, thought.
59. 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)*** Some gripping moments. And some really strained and stupid moments as well. But I do love John Goodman.
60. Purple Rain (1984)** It's a bad movie. Bad acting, stupid plot, and the woman are treated like shit by every male. But it was Prince's big breakthrough. So I needed to watch it, of course.
61. Lucy (2014)** Actually this was an abominably stupid movie, but Scarlett looked good, so there's that. Turn the sound off, put on a cd, and enjoy the view.
62. Look Who's Back (2015)***** Wow. Like wow. Definitely a must see. Especially if you're thinking about throwing your vote at Mr. Trump.
63. Barbershop 2: Back in Business (2004)**** It's not as good as the first one, but once I started watching it I didn't want to stop, fo show.
64. Mr. Robot Season One (2015)***** Second time through. Liked it even more than I did the first time through. And . . . ahmo watch it all over again before season two breaks. Yes, I am.
65. Echoes of War (2015)*** Pretty predictable stuff. But I had been awakened 3 a.m.-ish by my bad, ugly cats, got on the internet and wrote an email to my BFF and mentioned Rubicon, then was going to go back to bed but made coffee instead, was going to sit down and work on a novel but decided to check out CNN while I drank coffee, turned on the tv and it was on a channel I don't usually watch (a Showtime channel), and the first face I saw was James Badge Dale, who, of course, was the star of Rubicon. So that was weird. So of course I watched it. Meh. Still. Helluva coincidence, right?
66. 21 Years: Richard Linklater (2014)**** Pretty sure I've seen this before, but it was worth watching again. Made me want to watch all of Linklater's films. In order. But I don't have all of them, they aren't available for free, and I don't want to pay for them. So I'll just see what I can do about having fun with no money.
67. Captain America: Civil War (2016)*** I'm sorry to say that this was just barely a 3 asterisk movie for me. In fact, the first hour and a little bit was really not a whole lot of fun at all. And then things picked up for a bit. I think when Ant Man stepped onto the scene, actually. He brought a lot of ha ha to the table. And a lot of realism. Which is where the good ha ha came from. And while I wasn't head over heels in love with the new Spider-Man, especially in his first scenes, in the end I found him at least a bit charming. And then the end of the movie just kind of went on a bit too long, really. I didn't feel that I had wasted my money, but it sure didn't come up to my expectations. Nor did it come up to the quality level of the second Captain America movie. Oh well. The kids liked it.
68. Russell Brand: A Second Coming (2015)***** No, really. ***** Just check it out and you'll see.
69. Supergirl: Season One (2015)**** Melissa Benoist is Super Cute. And she brings the same kind of innocence to this role that Grant Gustin brings to his role on The Flash. And it works so much better than that dark and gritty thing going on over on Arrow.
70. iZombie: Seson Two (2015)*** Too formulaic. And too absurd (a "psychic" tagging along to crime scenes). But it does have its moments.
71. War of the Worlds (1953)*** Well, it probably is a must see movie, actually. It's just not a very good must see movie. The Martian was hilarious, though.
72. Sugar Coated (2015)***** Jesus H. This made me want to shop at the No Sugar Store.
73. Paper Moon (1973)****
74. Inherent Vice (2014)*** Not what I'd call a good movie . . . but it did have its moments. And Joaquin Phoenix and Josh Brolin were both good. Heh heh. Especially Josh Brolin. What a hoot he was as Bigfoot. And watching it did make me long for some Pynchon, which got me to pick up V., which I read until Murakami's Kafka pulled me away.
75. The Thick-Walled Room (1953/1956)***** An amazing movie. The hallucinatory scenes were my favorites, of course, but there was plenty of real life action in there, too. A good example of how with a good writer, a story about anything can be a story about everything.
76. The Inheritance (1962)**** Interesting that this came after Kobayashi's "masterpiece," The Human Condition, in that while it was interesting and not without its profundity, it seems pretty puny in comparison to a 9 1/2 hour epic. And it was, in my mind, inferior to the much earlier The Thick-Walled Room. Still well worth seeing, though. Just sayin', sir.
77. War of the Worlds (2005)** Y'know, watching this (again) with Joe I couldn't help but wonder at how many great moments there were in this movie. Some of the visuals were pretty amazing. Spielberg spent $132 million--which, according to the website I checked with, would be $154 to $181 million in today's money--which is a pretty good chunk of change. And there are some great actors in the movie. So why, in the end, does it suck? I think it's the same old song: they spent tons of money on almost everything, but they didn't spend enough on the one things that, in the end, determines the quality of the film: the writing. This script has so many holes in it that the story energy leaks out faster than the action can generate it. I think Spielberg's biggest flaw as a filmmaker is that he'll include shit because it looks good, not because it has relevance to the story. Too bad he didn't ask me, huh?
78. Entourage (2015)** Didn't mean to see this--it was just on HBO and I thought I'd have a look. Didn't mean to keep watching, either, but there were so many cameos . . . and a laugh ever once in awhile . . . and I kept trying to figure out who Kevin Dillon was (at first I thought it was Ethan Hawke, then I thought, "No, it's Matt Dillon," and that's what I thought until I looked up the movie just now to check on the release date and saw it was Kevin Dillon. So there it is.
79. I'll Buy You / Anata kaimasu (1956)***
80. Black River / Kuroi kata (1957)***
These were the 3rd and 4th movies in the (Criterion Collection Masaki Kobayashi Against the System. And I think all four films were interesting and worth seeing, but it's kind of strange, because I think the quality of the films went down from the first, which I thought was great, to the last, which was most definitely not great. What seems strangest to me, though was that The Human Condition trilogy (Ningen no jōken), which is supposedly Kobayashi's highest achievement, was made from 1959 to 1961, which means that two of these films came immediately before and immediately after that trilogy . . . and neither of those films were what I would call great. Based upon my smidgeon of experience, I'd conclude that Kobayashi hit his peak in 1953 and it was downhill from there. Which means fuck all, of course, as I am hardly an expert on Japanese theater. Still, seems strange to me. Makes me wonder if I should go out of my way to see The Human Condition, which I was previously planning to do.
81. Kon-Tiki (2012)***** Totally ass kicking movie here. Now I have to go back and watch the documentary from 1950 . . . if I can find it. Joe watched this with me and he was very into it, too. We even talked about reading the book together . . . once we finish all the other ones or our waiting list. BTW, there were two bonus features on the first disc of this set, "Kon-Tiki: The Incredible True Story" and "Visual Effects Featurette." Both were fantastic, must see items. The latter was the best "how we did the effects" thing I've ever seen. The way they would show you how they put in layers for the effects was really cool. And what's even more amazing is that when I was watching the movie it didn't even occur to me that there were special effects. I mean, I knew there had to be--you're not allowed to stab sharks in the brain just to make a movie, I'm guessing--but not a single time did I think, "That was a really good special effect." I was too busy thinking, "That fucking shark is going to bite you!" or "That wave is twenty fucking feet high!" Maybe the best special effects I've ever seen in a movie, come to think of it.
82. Eye in the Sky (2016)***** What an amazing movie. Pretty much non-stop tension, moral quandries upon quandries, and the verbal ejaculations it evoked from the audience were enough to convince me that we will be Hailing Chief Trump in just a few short months. It's also pretty much Alan Rickman's last movie--just voice action after this, one on a short and one on Alice Through the Looking Glass. All of the actors were great, but Aaron Paul was amazing . . . and the heart of this movie, really.
83. The Duff (2015)** I expected this movie to be stupid, mean-spirited, and cruel. Which is why I had no interest in seeing it. But there was HBO droning on and on in the background. And there were some hot girls. So I kind of started watching. It was amazingly predictable. But you know . . . despite the nastiness, it did actually come around to what I would call a moral point. And in this fucking world? That's good enough for me. In fact, maybe we should call it a ***.
84. X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)** There were a number of things to be disappointed about with respect to this movie. And not much to be excited about. (Two things only, I think: Wolverine and Quicksilver. No spoilers, though.) But I think the most disappointing thing for me was Olivia Munn. I previously thought of her as one of the most beautiful women I'd ever seen on television. As Psylocke, however, she just looked ridiculous. Speaking of which, Joe mispronounced the name of the character as "Piss Lock," and after laughing quite a bit I managed to correct him. But you know, I think he actually got it right. Save your money, kids. There's nothing to see her.
85. The Intern (2015)-0 Jive shit fake ass dress rehearsal bullshit movie. Robert, please stop making bad movies. You can do whatever the fuck you want to do. Try some Samuel Beckett for Chrissakes. No more of this shit, though.
86. Gods of Egypt (2016)-0 Holy shit, man. Is this really the best gig that Geoffrey Rush could pull down? The guy who starred in Shine? That's not just chicken shit. And now this? Why would he do that? According to Celebrity Net Worth, he's got $40 million in the tank. He can't possibly need the work if that's true.
87. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)-0 Oh, man, three in a row. There has got to be some permanent brain damage going on. I'll say one good thing about this movie, though: Megan Fox in a short, Catholic Girl skirt. Mmmmmm. And that's about it.
88. Warcraft (2016), on the other hand . . . was at least **** for me. That's right, at least. I know fuck all about World of Warcraft, but I thought this movie was quite good. A couple of things that none of the "this sucks" reviews pointed out: the grandeur of the scenes was way above anything I've seen before. Yep, anything. Even that. Yep. Or that. You betcha. And second, there was some actual humor in his movie. I wasn't expecting it at all, but I ended up really enjoying this thing. I may even see it again before it disappears.
89. Richard Pryor: Live and Smokin' (1971)** A real disappointment. At times this felt more like watching mental illness on display as Pryor rambled through character monologues, not saying anything even vaguely funny. Definitely one to miss if you love Richard Pryor.
90. Musashi Miyamoto (1954)***** I picked this up on vhs at Half-Price Books a month or so ago for a mere ten cents. There were times when it was just ridiculous, times when it was poignant, and the ending was just devastating. I am actually going to have to go back and watch it again since I don't feel that my mind was in the rate state to perceive all that was going on in the early parts of the film. The ending showed me that I needed to have my head in a different space for the beginning. And just because they love me, the LFPL has not only got this film on dvd, but also parts II and III of The Samurai Trilogy, so I just put in my requests and should soon be enjoying 5 hours of this thing. Woo hoo!
91. Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)* They spent $200 million, and all I got was this lousy movie? I can't even tell you how many times I thought, "There's no way that that could happen that way" during the course of this movie. What a load of horseshit.
92. Silicon Valley: Season One (2014)**** Oh man, you so funny.
93. Silicon Valley: Season Two (2015)**** So I watched another season. Should I admit that I watches all of the first two seasons in a day and a half? Probably not . . . that's pretty pathetic. But they so funny!
94. Silicon Valley: Season Three (2016)**** And caught up in time to watch the season three finale live. Or live-ish, anyway. Within twelve hours of its first airing. It's impressive the way that this show continues to move forward. By way of contrast, The Last Ship, which I really enjoyed for the first season, is completely dead in the water. It is so painfully haphazard and illogical that I can't even really watch it with Joe anymore. Though I do still sit next to him and pretend to watch.
95. Zootopia (2016)**** A fun little movie.
96. The Legend of Tarzan (2016)** I'm a big Tarzan fan, goes without saying (having read a number of Tarzan comic books, seen a number of Tarzan movies, and being on the 22nd Tarzan novel at the moment, having read the previous 21 out loud to Joe), so I was definitely disposed to like this movie. And I liked Alexander Skarsgård. And Margot Robbie shoe is purty. (Although I'm sorry to say that she showed no skin at all in the course of this movie, which I thought was a rip-off. I mean, Wolf of Wall Street, anyone?) But it just wasn't good. Partially because of the bad scripting, of course. But a lot of it was because of the computer animation. I'm really sick of computer animated people and animals. They always look stupid to me. I'd rather they used clay figures and stop motion. Or stuffed animals. At least then they're not pretending that it looks real. Sigh. Oh, did I mention Margot Robbie is in this movie?
97. Mr. Robot: Season One (2015)**** The enhanced version. Which wasn't all that enhanced. But I really enjoyed re-watching the series . . . and will not tell you how short a time it took me to watch it, but will admit that it was not long enough to be reasonable. I am starting to think that this show is more of a ***** thing, though.
98. London Has Fallen (2016)*** You know, for all its flaws . . . and there were plenty of them . . . I have to say that this movie keep you on point for the whole 99 minutes. There are worse ways to spend an hour and a half.
99. Hillary: The Movie (2008) . . . or maybe it's called Hillary Clinton Exposed, not sure. I just watched something with the latter title on The You Tub. And it seemed to have a vast quantity of bullshit in its ninety minutes, but it had a few things which seemed very troubling . . . in the sense that there was more going on here than just a smear job. Let's put it this way: I sure as hell do not want Trump to be our nest president, but I can't pull the lever for Hillary Clinton, either.
100. Star Trek Beyond (2016)** Alas, poor Roddenberry. I knew him.
101. Trumbo (2015)**** Wow. Bryan Cranston and Louis C.K. both knocked it out of the park here. And it shoe was great to see Alan Tudyk. And John Goodman. And Diane Lane. And Helen Mirren. Yeah. This was good shit, man.
102. Jason Bourne (2016)* I love the character Jason Bourne. And I have at least enjoyed the other four Bourne films . . . even the Bourneless one. And I loved the first one. But this one . . . to me, it was as old and tired asTommy Lee Jones's face. And the fact that Jason Bourne only has 45 lines (seriously). That was not a plus. And there was a serious shortage of pretty girls this time around, too. But hey, Joe liked it.
103. Scarecrow (1973)**** Just happened upon this accidentally--was flipping through the channels and saw Al Pacino. This was only his 4th movie, too. (Although, to be fair, his third movie was The Godfather, so that puts things into perspective.) And it was a really great piece of work. Sometimes I forget how good Pacino was back in the day. And maybe still is to some extent, I don't know. I haven't seen anything from him that really impressed me lately . . . but then again, it's been a long time since I saw him. But you know, after this . . . I think I want to see some more right soon.
104. The Perfect Storm (2000)**** I couldn't tell you why . . . it was just one of those things . . . but when I went into Half-Price Books I thought, "I want to see The Perfect Storm on vhs." Mostly because I was thinking about Linda Greenlaw and missing her, and I was under the impression (mistaken as it turns out) that she was in the movie. (Well, kind of mistaken. There is an actress--Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio--who plays Linda Greenlaw.) Well, the vhs tapes are pretty much throwaway items these days, so they're not arranged in any kind of order. But I looked through them, sure that I would find The Perfect Storm (because I have special bookstore powers) . . . and came up with nothing. So I went over and looked through the dvds . . . which are in order . . . and found nothing. So I looked through the bargain dvds . . . which are not in any kind of order . . . and found nothing. I was about to leave, but then I decided to go back and look through the vhs tapes again. And guess what?
But of course! Powers.
Oh, and the movie? Quite gripping. I definitely got my ten cents's worth.
105. Spartacus (1960)**** A few dated moments (and some horrible music), but this movie really kicked ass. Go, Trumbo!
106. Suicide Squad (2016)**** Yep, liked it. HERE's why.
107. À bout de souffle / Breathless (1960)** Another "classics" French movie that didn't do much for me. The jump cut innovation was cool, and Jean Seberg was lovely, but it was an ugly story about ugly people and the ending was just ludicrous.
108. Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)** Thought I should give it another try. But it was just as bad as it was the first time around. It looks great, for the most part, but the writing is just so fucking bad. The whole story depends upon a storm trooper turning away from his indoctrination, yet we are given no insight into how this could have happened. And for a lowly storm trooper, he has some pretty amazing knowledge . . . of matters which would surely be classified as Top Secret Eat a Really Big One . . . as well as some very specialized skills . . . Ball Turret Gunner, for instance . . . for a guy who worked at a sanitation facility. Clearly no one thought about this and it's just bullshit, and it ruins the story. And I don't even want to get started on Rey. Maybe one day I'll sit down and write out a list of all the bullshit I see in this movie. In fact, that might actually add up to an interesting little book. Hmmmm.
109. Pete's Dragon (1977)** Okay, it wasn't what I'd call good. But (1) three of us watched it for 25 cents (vhs from half-Price), (2) it's got Mickey Rooney and Helen Reddy, and (3) it doesn't start with a fatal car crash. (Shit, Disney, what the fuck is up with that?)
110. Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015)**** Y'know, this was a good movie. The right mix of thrills and laughs, and not too much sadomasochism. Plus a pretty girl. Dunno why I wanted to see this again, but it was free on Amazon Prime, and I'm glad that I did.
111. Indignation (2016)**** This was a very odd movie, but not in any obvious way. Just in the way that characters talked to each other, the way the conversations continued for longer than was comfortable, that kind of thing. The ending was quite a gut punch. Completely unexpected, but at the same time not a cheat.
112. Ben-Hur (2016)*** It wasn't what I'd call good, but (1) it was quite absorbing at times, and did not feel like a 2 1/2 hour movie, and (2) it was not nearly as bad as the reviews led me to believe it would be.
113. Money Monster (2016)* Note to the people responsible for writing and directing this movie: this is not the way that the world works. You should get out more often.
114. Genius (2016)***** Super kick ass movie. Made me want to read some Thomas Wolfe. Hell, made me want to read all of Thomas Wolfe.
115. The Killing (1956)*** Kind of interesting, but mostly in terms of the structure. Watched it because of the Jim Thompson connection. More interesting that the movie itself were the background interviews.
116. Killer's Kiss (1955)** Kubrick's second feature length movie as director. It used the same kind of out of time sequence approach to the story that was used in The Killing.
117. Cockfighter (1974)*** Not exactly my kind of movie, as there is way too much cruelty--in what seems to be real chicken fights. But as revolting as I found that, there was something interesting about the story. Warren Oates did a very good job playing the lead role of Frank Mansfield, and it was great to see Harry Dean Stanton, of course. The real delight, however, was seeing a 25-year old Ed Begley, Jr. playing a crazed backwoods hick. Mucho gusto.
118. Luke Cage (2016)** Man, what a disappointment.
119. State and Main (2000)** Didn't really mean to watch this. Wasn't all that good, but . . . Julia Stiles was really cute.
120. Miami Blues (1990)*** In my quest for all things Willeford, I happened upon this movie on YouTube for free--my favorite price. Not a bad little movie, either.
121. ARQ (2016)**** A Netflix original--and good job on that, Netflix. I am particularly fond of the very fucked up ending, but it was pretty much non-stop riveting from the get-go to the got-went.
122. The Equalizer (2014)*** A bit much, but enjoyable enough--and I watched it with Joe, which is always a plus.
123. Dark Matter Season 1 (2015)***
124. Child 44 (2015)**** I was really blown away by Tom Hardy's performance in this movie . . . especially as I had been the opposite of blown away by his portrayals of Bane and Mad Max. And the movie itself was quite riveting. I don't understand the reviews which said that it wasn't "thrilling" enough. It was allathat and some more. Also good to see Noomi Rapace and Gary Oldman.
125. Free State of Jones (2016)***** And not because Matthew McConaughey is in it.
126. Dark Matter Season 2 (2016)**** I am ready for season 3, please.
127. The IT Crowd Manual (2014)**** Reminded me of how much I loved this show. Also revealed to me that there was a "last episode" that I hadn't yet seen, so I watched that immediately afterwards. Two snaps up on that as well.
128. Stalingrad (1993)**** Pretty intense movie. It looks like they spent a lot of money on it, too. Let's see . . . about $11 million, looks like. But that was in 1993. I would have liked this movie a hell of a lot more if it hadn't been almost completely oblivious to the suffering of the Russian soldiers and people. Sorry, but I can only have so much sympathy for the Germans. Interesting to note that the star of the movie, Thomas Kretschmann (from whom I have only one degree of separation), made another Stalingrad movie twenty years later (in 2013). I would like to see that one, too, but I haven't been able to locate a rentable copy yet.
129. Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)* I like Tom Cruise. But this was one of those movies that just didn't make much sense. People did things without reason, and things happened in ways that they just don't happen in real life. It also had one of those things that snap together like a cheap plastic lock at the end. So bleh. Save your money.
130. Warcraft (2016) Still ****. And yes, now that you mention it, I am ready for a sequel.
131. Decisive Battles of Hitler's War: Stalingrad (2014)*** Very interesting. Completely composed of movie and still photos from the time and place. But one thing puzzles me immensely: why is this so sympathetic to the Nazi point of view? The narration often makes it sound as if the Nazis were the underdogs in this battle. Either I have a serious misunderstanding of this historical event or the makers of this documentary really hate the Russians.
132, Dr. Strange (2016)*** Mos def had some moments . . . and some nice touches of humor . . . and Benedict Cumberbatch was pretty awesome . . . and there were some super cool special effects. But something was off, too. Not all the time. But relentlessly. A shame.
133. The 5th Wave (2016)*** Terrible reviews, but I thought it was pretty okay. And not just because Chloe Grace Moritz is super cute.
134. Edge of Tomorrow (2014)**** Was flipping through the channels and this was about to start. So I thought I'd watch a little bit of it. Two hours later . . . . I like this movie. One of the few successful time travel stories I've ever encountered. And some nice touches of humor. And Emily Blunt . . . well, you know.
135. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (2016)*** Dan Fogler (as Jacob Kowalski) and Alison Sudol (as Queen Goldstein) were both really good. Too bad they were the B-Team for the movie, as their story was much more interesting than the main one. But lots of shit blew up and many magical beasts unleashed, so I guess it delivered what it promised.
136. Hudson Hawk (1991) -0 It's really hard to believe that Bruce Willis made this movie after Die Hard. It is so bad that it wasn't even funny bad. Example: there are several scenes when Andie MacDowell makes dolphin chittering sounds. Another? There are two scenes when Bruce Willis and Danny Aiello sing duets while they are committing crimes. I could go on, but I really can't.
136. Where to Invade Next (2016)***** A truly amazing documentary. And also one which not only exposes the negative, but also points toward . . . hell, yearns for . . . the good. This is vital viewing as we prepare for the Age of Trump.
137. And 138. Arrival (2016)***** Saw it, loved it. Walked out of the theater and saw that I had just missed a call from Jimmy. Called him back. He asked if I wanted to go see Arrival together. I went out for lunch then came back to watch it again. Enjoyed it at least as much as the first time. Maybe even more as the first time you watch it you don't know what you are seeing in about a dozen scenes. Kind of like The Prestige in that. Anyway. It was a really great, moving story. Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner were superb. Go see it while it's still in the theater. You need the big screen and the big sound to fully appreciate this one.
139. The Sea of Trees (2015)*** This movie was pretty much universally reviled by the critics. And according to Wikipedia, it had a budget of $25 million and a box office of $825,577, which doesn't exactly spell success. But y'know . . . I thought it was worth doing, and even though there were a few times when it crossed over into Movie Bullshit Land--such as when Matthew McConaughey's character starts a fire in the woods moments after a torrential rain--but that's pretty much every movie ever made, ennit? This movie certainly had more to offer than Captain America: Civil War, for instance. Worth doing.
140. Black Mirror Season One (2011)**** A friend recommended that I see this. The first season blew me away. Thoughtful, intelligent, and startling stories. Hence . . .
141. Black Mirror Season Two (2013)**** Even better than the first season. "The Waldo Moment" was a perfect companion piece to Trump's presidential campaign. And "White Christmas," with Jon Hamm and Oona Chaplin (yes, Charlie's granddaughter) was a truly disturbing piece. Hence . . .
142. Black Mirror, Season Three (2015)***** And with "Nosedive," the very first show of the third season, we enter the must see rating strata . . . and we get to see the lovely and talented Bryce Dallas Howard and Alice Eve in the leading roles. And it just keeps hitting it from there. And the nice surprises continue as well. Hannah John-Kamen (Dutch from Killjoys) shows up for "Playtest." And Mackenzie Davis in "San Junipero." This is some primo shit, brahs and tahs.
And the final episode of the season (and final episode of the series so far), "Hated in the Nation," clocks in at 89 minutes, so I feel justified in claiming that this was not only an excellent and must see television show, but also one of the best science fiction movies I saw in 2016 . . . and there were some goooood science fiction movies this year.
143. Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life (2016)*** The third episode was the best, I thought, but the rest of it was at least okay and sometimes good. And Carole King was in it for a second, which was super cool. I guess I missed the episodes of the original run that she was in.
144. Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984)***** Hayao Miyazaki is always great, but this may be his greatest movie. And I say that as someone who loves Kiki's Delivery Service and has seen it at least a half-dozen times (and says, "Pardon me, snooty cat" at least once a week). Nausicaä is just such an awesome character. And kinda sexy, too. And the message of the movie is straightforward: the world is harsh, and humans are often cruel, so you have to be strong, honest, and willing to trust, love, and protect the world of animals and nature. Yep.
145. I Saw the Light (2015)*** Well, it wasn't a great movie, but it was Hank Williams. And Tom Hiddleston was pretty damned impressive. But why in hell didn't they get Hank III to do this????
145. The Wind Rises (2014)***** Speaking of 宮崎 駿 (Hayao Miyazaki), I've been wanting to see this one since I first saw the trailer a couple of years ago, but for some reason (like maybe that we have shitty movie distribution in Louisville?) I never made it to see it in the theater. But re-watching Nausicaä got me going, and the Louisville Free Public Library kept me going. Beautiful film. I'm going to watch it again. Going to try to get Jacqueline and Joe to watch it with me. They're both big Kiki fans, so it might work.
146. Death in Venice (1971)* A shame. I don't think it would be that hard to make a great movie based on Thomas Mann's novella. Somebody give me two million dollars and I'll show you how it's done. If you want to see how it's not done, watch this movie.
147. Glenn Gould - On and Off the Record (1959)**** Pretty fascinating stuff . . . and some nice pianner playin', too.
148. Kickboxer: Vengeance (2016)* Well of course it was terrible. But hey, Bautista AND Jean-Claude Van Damme. What more could you possibly want?
149. Das Rheingold (2002)*** Hard not to think that Tolkien stole most of Lord of the Rings from Wagner when you watch this.
150. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)**** I think this was the best Star Wars movie ever.
151. Mars (2016)**** 6 part series from National Geographic, and it was quite good. Mixture of fiction and documentary, which was a little disorienting at times, but not confusing. Here's hoping for a second season.
152. Life on Mars: Season One (2006)**** This is the BBC version. It's been awhile since I watched the American version, and I only remember that I liked it a lot up until the big reveal at the end, which I thought was a total rip-off. I'd meant to watch the British version right after I finished the American one, but didn't get around to it until a few days ago. And the British version? Well, first off, all of the main actors were really great . . . with my favorites being Marshall Lancaster as Chris Skelton and Liz White as Annie Cartwright. Speaking of the latter, Liz is super cute and sexy but not in that fake ass plastic Hollywood looks-like-a-fish way. More like the stunning gal you see walk past you in the shopping mall.
The writing on the show doesn't always come up to snuff, alas, but the characters are strong enough to push the show along even when it stubs its toes. I'm anxious to see Season Two.
153. Life on Mars: Season Two (2007)**** Better ending than the American version, for sure. At least it made sense. Kind of. Anyway . . . I'm glad that I finally got to see this version of the show.
154. The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1988)***** Probably my favorite movie of all time, and I try to see it once every year . . . so why did I wait so long this year? (It's Christmas Day.) Dunno. But as I was lying about waiting for the kids to arrive I couldn't find anything on tv that I wanted to see, went through Netflix and Amazon Prime and saw some things I wanted to see but not just then, and for some reason I did a search for The Unbearable Lightness of Being, maybe hoping that it had made it to the free side of the tracks, and lo and behold, it was there on SD to rent for a mere $2.99, but even better, you could buy the SD version for $5.99. Yes indeed. So I went for it, and am going to watch it until the Christmas party arrives. It is such a great movie.
155. Assassin's Creed (2016) * I'll say this for Assasin's Creed: it may not have made a damn bit of sense most of the time, but Michael Fassbender sure looks good without a shirt. Other than that, I would swear that the makers of this movie wanted to do everything they could think of to make me not care about anything that happened or any of the characters in this movie. There's zero character development, there's a completely unnecessary device which sends the character back into the life of one of his ancestors --why the hell didn't we just have that story?--which also means that while from his perspective he's fighting real people, we see that he's just punching the air. Hard to be really moved by that, ennit? Anyway . . . somebody wasted $125 million on this thing . . . and it looks like they're going to lose their shirts, as to date its grossed less than $43 million.
156. Captain America: Civil War (2016)*** Hey, guess what just showed up on Netflix. And while I wasn't enchanted with this movie the first time around, I was still planning on seeing it again, so I just saved $1.59 on that deal. And you know, it's funny, because I looked back at my previous comments about this and I didn't think much of the movie until Ant-Man arrived, but this time around I thought the first hour of the movie was pretty happening. And I still enjoyed Ant-Man. What I didn't enjoy was the long, play-stationed fights, though. Overall, though, I'd have to say that seeing this for a second time took the stink off of it for me. It wasn't the best super-hero movie, but it was okay, and it had some great moments.
2015
