He could not make things possible, but she could make them holy . . . holy . . . .

6 to 7 a.m. is a pretty busy time around This Old Manse. I've usually been up for at least a couple of hours by then (sometimes more), but it's around the the time that The Kids are about to get up or are getting up, so it's time to make The Breakfasts, so it's also time to make The Lunches and, sometimes, to do The Dishes as well. (The latter of which is in part pure laziness on my part, I'll confess, but is also at least in part an attempt to consolidate water usage, so that I can do last night's load along with this morning's on one dishpan full of water. My 60th Year: Where Pragmatism Meets Indolence.) 

And there are times when I'm making pancakes or eggs or packing lunches and thinking, "Man, this is such a drag. I just want to read and drink more coffee!" Or watch CNN or whatever. But those times are actually few and far between.

Most of the time I'm thinking, "I'm really happy right now." I'm making meals which are reasonably nutritious for my two youngest children, and they're going to enjoy eating them.

The only thing that could make it better would be if I was making breakfast and / or lunch for Jimmy as well.

And that's a funny thing, in a way. When I was young, I don't think I would have ever imagined that one of the happiest parts of my day would be making meals for somebody else. 

Which is why I've come to think that at least so far as I am (or was) concerned, it's not so much that youth was wasted on the young me as that life was wasted on me. I was so busy searching for The Big Deal that I missed out on The Real Deal, the helix of semi-precious moments which is where happiness lies waiting. Beckoning. Lips picked up and EVERYthing.

So the thoughts (which have preoccupied me of late) that I could Go Back and Do a Better Job The Second Time are probably complete bullshit. I'm doing the best job that I can do now, and have, like everyone else, done the best job I could do from the start. 

There's something happy and there's something sad about that, of course.

But I did enjoy making those eggs and pancakes and packing those lunches this morning.

You Can't Say Fuck You to Me!

I am seeing more and more evidence that the world is in dire need of proofreaders--from the two dozen typographical errors I've noticed in the last two books I've read (The Lost Fleet: Dauntless and Fearless) to the errors in the program for Louisville Opera's Dead Man Walking which I saw (and loved) yesterday to the TARC buses which have been taunting me on the streets of River City. 

Just so you know: I'm available, and I work cheap.

What's Wrong With Wonder Woman is What's Wrong With You

Well, possibly not--PRObably not--actually. I just thought it was a good title. An allusion to the great song "Vietnamese Baby" by The New York Dolls. *

But possibly so, too. We'll get to that bye and bye.

But I've been thinking about this so-called Wonder Woman. And even though I'd seen it in the theater and been underwhelmed by it, I'd heard so many people singing its praises that I thought maybe I'd missed something for one reason or another. I mean, IMDb gave it a 7.6/10 rating, Rotten Tomatoes a 92%, and apparently 90% Google Users really want to fuck Gal Gadot. Oopsie, wrong statistic. 90% of Google Users liked this movie. 98% of them want to fuck Gal Gadot. 

And beyond that, the movie--which is still in some theaters--is 64 on the All Time Box Office list and #2 for 2017 . . . so it could possibly even push Beauty and the Beast off of the top spot there, I suppose (with a mere $92 million to go to accomplish that).

So I had another look at it. And somewhere around the one hour mark I was thinking, "There are definitely some problems here, but I have to say that I was wrong. This movie kicks some ass."

And then things went to shit in a toilet paper basket. I don't even want to get into that beyond saying I'm tired of Playstation2-y looking action sequences, tired of young heroes fighting old men, and tired of . . . well, pretty much all of the cliched bullshit things that happened in the second half of this movie. It was just awful.

But as for the "some problems" in that first hour. Here's what I see.
First, Gal Gadot is totally unsuitable for this role. And I say that as a man who would cheerfully watch a movie  of Gal Gadot standing at a bus stop for several hours, even if there wasn't a soundtrack. She is superdedooper hot. But Wonder Woman? Seriously? Gal is 5'10" and weighs 130 pounds. Ronda Rousey--who would have played a good Wonder Woman--is three inches shorter and five pounds heavier.  Gabi Garcia, who doesn't play but who is Wonder Woman, is 6′ 2″and weights 209 lbs. Choosing a tiny pretty girl to play Wonder Woman is just capitulating to the male perspective that has caused so much harm and pain in Hollywoodland. 

And you could argue that Wonder Woman goes beyond that, shows that a woman can be Beautiful AND Strong, but that's not the point. And the point is further sharpened by the costume that Gal wears in the movie. Yes, they do have a fun time making light of the clothing women of this era wore, and that's all well and good. But Wonder Woman's costume isn't exactly what you'd call a warrior's garb, is it? Or let's just put it this way: you won't see Batman or Superman wearing that kind of outfit. Nor even Aquaman, for whom it would actually make some sense. It's sexual exploitation, plain and simple. And it's done for one reason only: to pump up those box office figures by making you want to pump Wonder Woman. And of course it works, because . . . well, that's what YOU want, isn't it? Or if not YOU, the person standing next to you, at least.

And furthermore . . . no, that's enough. I understand why people are hailing this movie as a triumph. It's a super hero movie that features a strong female lead, it was directed by a woman . . . it's important for those reasons. But in the larger context, it seems to me that it's more like the success of Lincoln Theodore Monroe Andrew Perry's success as Stepin Fetchit. Yes, it did allow a black man to break into the big time of show business. Yes, it undoubtedly did lead to other black actors getting into the game. But the character he portrayed did incredible harm to black men and women, and that harm is still pulsing through our sit-coms and movies to this day. It would be like having Jackie Robinson break into major league baseball by allowing him to be a team mascot who got kicked in the ass by the players as they took the field.

So I stand by my original assessment of Wonder Woman. Bad movie, a capitulation to misogyny and caricature. It doesn't deserve the acclaim it has garnered.

* The actual line is: "What's wrong today is what's wrong with you / You're so sorry, so damn sorry, that's all you'll do / With a Vietnamese baby on your mind / Your pretty little mind." If you don't know this song, it's definitely worth your time to seek it out. The Dolls were awesome, and this is one of their best songs. Possibly even their best.

Detective Comics #967

I picked up a shitload of comics this week . . . $40 worth, which is pretty ginormous for me these days . . . but guess which one I had to read first?

Yup. 

And it looks like I'm not the only one who's burning (who's burning who's burning who's burning) for good old DC. For one thing, there were no issues of it on the stands at The Great Escape   . . . and it just came out two days ago. I've never seen that happen with Detective Comics there before. (And I've been going to The Great Escape for 37 years now.) * So I had to stop in at my Back Up Comic Book Store, The Destination.** Which I have done a few times in the past, only to find that they are sold out of what I'm looking for, too. But I was in luck this time, and they not only had Detective Comics #967, I even had my choice of covers--the shitty Robin Getting Strangled one or the superdedooper cool you see DeepArted above. And for another thing, according to the Bestsellers List in Previews, Detective Comics is doing okay sales-wise: #21 for September. And for aNOTHer thing, Comichron also puts it at #21 for September, with the additional information that it sold 57,102 issues that month. ***

And I just finished reading it.

And?

Oh, yeah. 

Mmm-hmm. 

Right THERE, baby.

I don't want to get anywhere close to spoiler-ish territory, but let me just say this: I think am sure absolutely certain that Jack Kirby would approve of this use of this aspect of his Earth After Disaster world. 

That's what AHM talkin' 'bout, foe show.

Here's looking at you, kid.

* HOLY SHIT! I've been going to The Great Escape for 37 years!)

** Which is also a very nice comic book shop, by the way. In fact, I would make this my regular comic shop because (1) the guys who run the shop are so nice and (2) it's a lot closer to me than The Great Escape, but (1) Sonia and Crystal at The Great Escape are so nice . . . and so sweet to Joe and Jacqueline, and (2) they give holds customers 15% off their purchases, and all of their "graphic novels" are discounted, and (3) I've been shopping there for 37 years now *.

*** Which sounds pretty shitty to me, too, but let us not forget that we're living in this Post Apocalypse Literacy State in which there were only four comic books that sold more than 100,000 copies that month. And there were 377 comic books that sold fewer comics than Detective Comics that month. I guess everything really is fuckin' relative these days, ennit?

Again, The Manhattan Project

I'm knee deep in The Lost Fleet series, but The Manhattan Project, which LFPL purchased at my request, and for which I was given First Reader honors, is due today, so I decided to have another run through it this morning.

It's a lovely little book. Reading it makes me want to reread all of Krasznahorkai's other books again . . . which I intend to do in the near near ANYway . . . and also makes me want to reread Malcolm Lowry's Under the Volcano . . . AND reread Moby Dick . . . AND read all the rest of Melville. Preferably in chronological order. And st least one biography of Melville. 

Mmm-hmm.

That's the way this shit always goes. It's like nuclear fission. One thing leads to another, Y'know what I'm sayin'.

I'm pretty sure that if there is a heaven, a sizeable portion of the real estate will be devoted to The Library. I'm looking forward to reading the complete works of J.D. Salinger when I get there. That sequel to The Catcher in the Rye is really going to kick ass.

More Songs About The Lost Fleet

Whale . . . 

I did have a request for The Lost Fleet: Fearless (Book Two of the series) in at the Louisville Free Public Library . . . and I do have quite a few books lying about here that I really want to read . . . and it wouldn't KILL me to wait a little while . . . .

But the book was checked out to somebody else, so it could be as long as what, three weeks before it was returned? And then another few days, maybe even another WEEK before it got to me. And that's assuming that everything went according to plan. Cause it's also possible that the person WOULDn't return it on time, or that something else would delay it's getting to me asap. 

And as I noted previously, I did see it at Half-Price Books for a mere $2.99. 

And when I went to check to see if the library had the other five books in the series, they actually were missing Book 5 (The Lost Fleet: Relentless), and assuming I didn't poop out on the series, that was going to be a problem in the near near. And I happened to remember that Half-Price Books had a copy of that one, too. Also for a mere $2.99. 

And what the hell are you going to do with $2.99 these days anyway, right? I mean, that's like what, a cup of coffee? A DC comic book (no other company, not nowadays) that you will read in like ten minutes, fifteen at the outside?

You know.

And hey, I have a problem. OCD. Non-diagnosed, but that doesn't make it any less of a problem. So I couldn't just put myself in a position where I was going to be jonesing for a book for the next MONTH or more. Not sleeping. Or no, sleeping and DREAMing about that book. The Lost Book: Relentless. That wouldn't be a kind thing to do to myself, now, would it?

No. Not at all.

Or, as Jacqueline would say it: "Not . . . at ALL!"

Again, The Lost Fleet: Dauntless

So I've just finished reading "Jack Campbell's" The Lost Fleet: Dauntless . . . which is the first book in this six book series. Which is then followed by at least two more series. So Got Live If You Want It, for sure.

As for this Dauntless . . . this so-called Dauntless . . . I liked it a lot. It's kind of old-fashioned science fiction, but I would not call it Hard Science Fiction. Nor would you, unless you don't know what Hard Science Fiction is. Which could be good or bad, I suppose, depending on your inclinations there. (Not to mention Your Thinking, which makes it so.)

It is a little bit reminiscent of the Battlestar Galactica premise, in that the story (at least so far as this first novel is concerned) is at its heart the story of a fleet of ships on the run from an enemy force which is clearly its superior in terms of might. But when you look closer at the details, there are some significant differences. 

First . . . 

In Battlestar Galactica (both television series--not sure about the other mediums it appeared in, but that's not relevant anyway, is it?), the humans are lured into negotiations with The Enemy, and it's clear that it was stupid of them to have allowed this to happen. (Well, stupid plus some corruption, but still . . . stupid to the bone.) And they suffer heavy damage because of their stupidity, and then they light out for The Territory. 

In The Lost Fleet, the Alliance guys are lured into attacking The Syndicate guys in a clever ruse (no spoilers here), and stupidity is not a factor on either side of the equation. The Alliance guys suffer heavy damage because of their tactical misjudgment, and then they light out for The Territory. 

Second . . . 

In Battlestar Galactica, The Territory is a mythical place called Earth. So the Rag Tag Fugitive Fleet was not only running away pell-mell, they were also running with no clear idea of their ultimate destination. Running down a dream, as it were.

In The Lost Fleet, The Territory is a very real place called Earth. The Rag Tag Fleet isn't Fugitive . . . isn't even really Lost. They are going back to their base so that they can resupply, re-strategize, and renew the fight against the enemy. Mmm-hmm.

Third . . . 

In Battlestar Galactica, our heroes fight when they have to, but they are not looking for a fight. When it comes right down to it, this is a story about running away.

In The Lost Fleet, our heroes are looking to kick against the pricks, no doubt about it. In fact, Captain Jack (who probably will not get you high tonight) has to restrain those in his command from preemptively fighting when it is not tactically sensible.

So those are some big fucking differences, foe show. Maybe that also explains why even though I loved Battlestar Galactica--especially the second one with the smoking hot Cylon & the smoking hot Starbuck--I always felt that the Galacticans were kind of too far on the pussy end of the hero spectrum for me. 

The Lost Fleetians are manly men. Even the women are manlier than those Battlestar pussies, come to think of it. (Except for the hot Starbuck. She was pretty damned manly. I think that's why she ended up in Absaroka County.)

And seeing as how I'm such a manly man myself, maybe that explains why I am looking forward to reading Book Two of The Lost Fleet series: Fearless. In fact, I put a request in to the LFPL a couple of days ago for it. Looks like somebody else beat me to it though. Hmm. I know I've got all of those Hungarian books to read . . . and I really wanted to get back to my traipse through the Kurt Vonnegut novels . . . not to mention wanting to do some time with my main man Herman Melville . . . but . . . well, I did see Fearless at Half-Price Books for $2.99  yesterday . . . .

More news as it happens.



And a P.S.: I am going to send a message to Jack Campbell reference the proofreading errors in Dauntless. Here's what I'm going to say:

Dear Mr. Hemry *

I just finished reading The Lost Fleet: Dauntless, and enjoyed it immensely. So much so that I am going to read Fearless immediately, even though I have quite a few other books vying for my attention. 

One thing I wanted to ask you about, though: I couldn't help but notice that there were quite a few proofreading errors in the text of the book. I was wondering if you would be interested in having a list of those errors(with an eye towards future printings)? I have not contacted Ace Books with this information as in the past I have found that publishers are not appreciative of this "intrusion"--and, in fact, sometimes actually seem to resent it. 

Brother K.

* Jack Campbell's real name. 

I'll let you know how that goes.

Oh, and BTW, you can get The Lost Fleet: Dauntless as an ebook from Amazon for a mere $2.99. I don't know if that's a special price or if it will stay there, but I have usually found that when I don't obey my impulses and buy low, the low price goes away. Just sayin', sir. 

Life, Dreams, Reality

If I could have my choice of lives, I would be a famous and rich writer married to a beautiful woman. And I would have the same three children that I have in this life: Jimmy, Jacqueline, and Joe. And Jacqueline and Joe would be autistic. I like them exACTly the way that they are. Really.

So.

I'm not famous. Not even a lit bit. And I'm most certainly not rich.

But I am a writer. I write every day. And I publish just about every day, too. And I have readers. I'm not sure how many, but at least a few. And in addition to my every day writing on my blog, I have also written novels, short stories, poems, plays, songs and reviews. And have self-published all of those. And published published a few short stories, poems, and reviews. 

And I have enough money that, at the age of 60, I don't have to work.

If I had more money, I would probably have a bigger house. But the truth is that the house I currently live in is bigger than I need. 

If I had more money, I would probably have a fancier car. But the truth is,  I kind of love my current car (a black 2016 Honda Civic).  

So I guess I don't really need to be any richer than I already am.

And I guess I don't really need to be any more famous than I already am.

And I do not have a beautiful woman at the moment, I'll admit, but I have had several of them in my life. And while there was great joy (and true love) to be had there, to be honest there was also great limitation and frustration and heartache, and these days I must say that I am very happy not to be involved in a romantic relationship, not to have to compromise on everything that happens every single day of my life. 

And though I certainly have greatly enjoyed sex in my day, I have to say that these days I am just as happy not having sex. It seems like an awful lot of trouble to go to just to have a little orgasm which I can much more easily have all by myself.

So.

I'm living the dream, man.

Thanks, God. I guess it really DID all work out after all.

Though I feel compelled to admit that I am really drunk right now, so all of these statements are subject to review in the cold morning light.

Dauntless & Donald

I'm 148 pages into the 293 page The Lost Fleet: Dauntless by "Jack Campbell." And I'm enjoying it quite a bit.

 It starts in the middle of some furious action (which has continued unabated to my present spot in the reading), yet it has still managed to flesh out several characters. And that's all good, of course, but I realized just what it was about this novel that had really caught hold of me when I read these lines this morning:

"Step by step, over the course of time, we grew to accept things. We grew to believe that the deplorable actions of the Syndicate Worlds justified deplorable actions on our part. Even I accepted this as an unfortunate reality of the war."

These words are spoken by a character who has come to realize how far down the slippery slope she has fallen due to the righteous outrage of Black Jack Geary--the Man From the Past.

I read those lines while lending one ear to MSNBC's Morning Joe, on which Joe was talking about the effect that Trump's craven words and despicable actions have had on the people around him--the formerly honorable men who have stooped to lying (and worse) in service to the Trump Reich.

It seems to me that Dauntless is, at its heart, a novel about allowing the past to speak to the present. And about the necessity of making that allowance. The present is the brash and courageous young adult who we dearly need . . . and who dearly needs the wisdom and the perspective of an older soul. The past is that older soul, obviously. We ignore it at our peril.

And that is precisely the problem with the Trump and his administration. There is no respect for the past, only the brash arrogance of youth. Which might almost be funny in a septuagenarian . . . if it weren't so terribly dangerous.

We need a Black Jack of our own, for sure.

Week 38 & 39: Gonna Fly Now

@182.6 lbs

Week 38: Tuesday, October 24, 2017 
Week Two, Day One Project 180 [1800c] 


Wake-Up Weight: 185.4 lbs.

Breakfast: sunflower seeds 100c, coffee 30c, cereal and almond milk 220c, strawberries 66c, 16 oz water
= 416c, 16 oz water

Exercise: Schwinn 62m, 1379c, 20.4m, 19.7mph, 65rpm + HW

Post Exercise Weight: 182.6 lbs.

Lunch: merengue cookies 90c,  pretzels 130c, ham sandwich 243c, granola bar 170c, coffee 10c
= 643c
1059c, 16 oz water

pretzels 110c, cookies 110c, artichoke hearts 20c, 16 oz water

Dinner: double whiskey and diet Dr. Pepper 156c, lentil soup 200c, vegetable mix 100c, whiskey and diet Dr. Pepper 234c
= 930c. 16 oz water
1989c, 32 oz water 

And then . . . Rez. Ya know. Needless to say, 0 for 1 for the 180 Week 2. But tomorrow is another day.



Week 38: Wednesday, October 25, 2017 
Week Two, Day Two Project 180 [1800c] 



Wake-Up Weight:  185.6 lbs.

Breakfast: Almond Milk (Chocolate) 200c, coffee 20c, cereal 200c, milk 25c, strawberries 44c, sunflower seeds 100c, 16 oz water
= 589c, 16 oz water

Quite a few calories for a breakfast, but it actually started at 2 a.m. with the chocolate milk. And I really needed that shit. Yep.

Exercise: I decided to do a little experiment with the Schwinn session for today. One that harkens back to my days of yore" the Slow Ride. So I got onto my bike clad in my jeans and my sweatshirt and commenced to do a     v  e  r  y     s  l  o  w    ride. How slow was it? I'm glad that you asked. Here's the Sports Science Data:  62m, 840c, 16.18mi, 15.5mph, 51rpms. That's 539 fewer calories burned than yesterday's full on session. (Also 4.22 fewer miles, 4.2 fewer average miles per hour, and 14 fewer average revolutions per minute.) So what's the use of that, you ask? Well, it was no strain at all. In fact, I read a paperback book that I held in my hands (thus no handle work) whilst peddling. It was a nice little outing. And I'm thinking that that might be a worthwhile thing to have available in my repertoire. 'Cause there are some days when . . . well, you know.

I also tried a little pedometer experiment. The pedometer doesn't do a very good job of tracking "steps" on bikes of any kind. So far as I can tell, it records 1/2 of the steps . . . probably because it only registers the movements of the leg it is fixed to since there's not as dramatic of a shock with the other leg. So I wondered if it would work out better if I attached it to the handlebar instead of one of my legs. Preliminary indications are that it does do a much better job, but I'll have to do some more experimentation to assure myself of that.

I also did my LW regimen. Post exercise weight was a straight 186 lbs, but I also wasn't dehydrated, so I'm sure that that accounts for at least 3 lbs, maybe even more.

Lunch: pretzels 130c, ham 123c, coffee 20c, cookies 110c
= 383c
972c, 16 oz water

16 oz water, apple 116c, cauliflower 31c, salad (lettuce 11c + tomatoes 20c, dressing 68c * , artichoke hearts 20c, pumpkin soup 200c **, crackers 140c, pretzels 84c, pumpkin cookies 150c ***, 16 oz water
840c, 48 oz water
1812c, 48 oz water

* I wanted to try Joe's Honey Mustard dressing. Should have read the label first. And you know, it was good . . . but it wasn't worth 68 calories, for sure.

** This stuff was really good. REALLY good. Like candy, man. Gonna need some more of this. But it does need something bulky in it, so next time I'm going to put some fake meat or / and vegetables in. Mmm mmm good.

*** Again, pumpkin. Unfortunately, this only = 2 cookies, 'cause I wanted to eat quite a few more. But I held back, thinking that I could still make it under the 1800 calorie goal. But I didn't make it. Only 12 over, but over. And I have to tell you, there's something in me which immediately says, "Well, if you're alREADy over, why not . . . . " And I have to tell you something else: I am seriously tempted to listen to that voice. Cause I want to eat some more tasty stuff, yes I do. 

I'll get back to you on how that works out. 

Meanwhile, I'm 0 for 2 on the 180 this week.



Week 38: Thursday, October 26, 2017 
Week Two, Day Three Project 180 [1800c] 



Wake-Up Weight:  186.6 lbs. It's funny how it seems to take a day or two after an overindulgence day for the extra pounds to show up. How does that work? Probably just my imagination running away with me. But the bad news is that I'm up 1.2 lbs from Tuesday, and that's not what I want. The good news, though, more than balances that out. I am pretty sure that my Planking exercises is starting to show some results. I think I am starting to see a six-pack emerge on my belly.

I tried to get a closer shot . . . 

. . . but really neither picture shows the stomach muscles up as much as they looked in my mirror. But this is a pretty exciting development for me. It has been a long, long time since I had a stomach that I wasn't ashamed of, you know?

Breakfast: coffee 20c, cereal and milk 225c, banana 105c, 16 oz water
= 350c, 16 oz water

Exercise: 5 1/2 mile walk with Pat.

Lunch: pretzels 110c, coffee 10c, ham 123c, crackers 200c, yogurt 70c, sunflower seeds 100c, 16 oz water
= 613c, 16 oz water 
963c, 32 oz water

177g cauliflower 44c, pretzels 140c, cookie 75c, 16 oz water
1195

Exercise: Schein 63min, 1397c, 20.68m, 19.6mph, 65rpm + HW, now with 30 supine French curls. (And btw, the HW routine takes about 20 minutes . . . which means that today I spent over 2 1/2 hours exercising. Yowza.)

Dinner: salad 100c, chicken dish 270+176= 446c, 16 oz water
= 546c, 16 oz water
=1741c, 48 oz water 

59c left for the day . . . ohhhh

And you know what? I really Really REALLY wanted to eat some more stuff after that. Especially more of that relish-e-ous Stouffer Chicken Stuff. Man that was good. But after writing "ohhhh" I only ate 55 calories worth of pretzels. Yep. I made it to my goal. 1 for 3. And it was hard. And I did try to talk myself around it. But I screwed my appetite suppression to the sticking place and got on down to bid-ness. Yay me.


Week 38: Friday, October 27, 2017 
Week Two, Day Four Project 180 [1800c] 



Wake-Up Weight:  183.4 lbs. And maybe that was the immediate pay-off for sticking to my guns last night--as I'm pretty sure that that is the lowest wake-up weight I've ever recorded. 

Breakfast: coffee 20c, cereal 200c, milk 25c


Exercise: 6 mile walk, LWs.

Lunch: ham 123c, crackers 200c, banana 105c, pretzels 140c, granola bar 170c, 16 oz water

=983c, 16 oz water

Coffee 20c, artichoke hearts 20c, cookie 120c, 16 oz water

Dinner: salad 115c, crab 300c, vegetable mix 100c, crackers 72c, 16 oz water

1730c, 48 oz water

And once again I was looking at very few calories left in my day after dinner, and that was not a happy thought for me. I wanted to eat some more of the cookies that Joe made with his therapist. (I'd only eaten one earlier.) And I wanted to eat some pretzels. And a fat free fudge bar. And some sunflower seeds. But I only had 70 calories left to me.

So I broke out the cauliflower. 200 grams and only 50 calories. That's a lot of bang for your buck, isn't it? And oddly enough, I really enjoyed it. Especially the thick stalk part. I always try to have a head of cauliflower in my refrigerator these days. It came in very handy today.

1780c, 48 oz water

Exercise: Thought I'd had enough for one day what with the extra long walk . . . which really tired me out immensely . . . plus doing the LWs . . . but my legs were feeling really tight, so I got on the Schwinn to see if a slow ride would give me a little relief. By the time I hit 30 minutes (and stopped), it wasn't really all that slow, though. But I did feel better. And (according to Schwinn) I'd burned another 587 calories. 

And now I'm thinking about doing another 30 minutes while I watch Blindspot with Joe. I might not do it . . . but really, you've got to do SOMEthing, know what I'm saying?

ADDENDUM: Didn't do any more biking, but didn't eat anything more, either, so 2 for 4 now. Dance to the music.


Week 38: Saturday, October 28, 2017 
Week Two, Day Five Project 180 [1800c] 



Wake-Up Weight:  184.6 lbs. Which is disappointing after yesterday's record breaking showing, but (1) it's still pretty good and (2) I know how this stuff goes. One healthy shit can make the difference, y'know.

Breakfast: coffee 20c, cereal 100c, milk 25c, egg 90c, 16 oz water
= 235c, 16 oz water

Lunch: ham 116c, cauliflower 53c, banana 105c, pretzels 140c, 16 oz water
= 414c, 16 oz water
649c, 32 oz water

Exercise: 5 mile-ish walk. I wasn't really intending to walk today, but my butt muscles felt really strained from yesterday's outing, and I thought it might help. Which it did, but it is pretty freakin' cold out there. 41 degrees to be precise. 

I am hoping to hit 100,000 steps for this week on my pedometer, but I don't know if I'm going to make it. I only had 78,000 when this day began, and 22,000, while not impossible, is a pretty hard day. And even after my Big Walk I only got halfway to what I need today. If I do a full bike session and if I can get the counter to actually count every step that might make it pretty close, though. Exciting stuff, right?

Exercise: 62 Schwinn minutes 1322c, 20m, 19.3mph, 64rpms--not bad considering it hadn't been long since my walk. Also did the HWs. And after I'd finished I got on the scale and . . . 

And of course that's a post exercise weight blah blah fuckin' blah, but I don't care. For a couple of minutes I was within the outer boundaries of my target weight, and I felt really good about that.

Then

Now

Now

Now

Well of course I'm going to have some drinks. Wouldn't you?

Dinner: double whiskey and diet Dr. Pepper 156c, crackers 140c, crag cakes 300c, vegetable mix 100c, double whiskey and diet Dr. Pepper 156c, pretzels 140c
= 992c
1641c, 32 oz water, 4 oz whiskey
Which leaves a mere 159 calories for the day if I'm still to make my goal, and I would really like to do that. Which means I will soon have a choice to make. I could (1) have a chocolate chip cookie, (2) have another serving of pretzels, (3) have another double whiskey and Diet Dr. Pepper. Decisions, decisions. Of course I could also say fuck it and have all three . . . but I really don't want to do that.



Week 38: Sunday, October 29, 2017 
Week Two, Day Six Project 180 [1800c] 


Wake-Up Weight: 181.6 lbs. Which is pretty amazing to me. 180 lbs, I think I can, I think I can.

Breakfast: bran flakes * 200c, milk ** 25c, coffee 20c, 16 oz water, sunflower seeds 100c
= 345c, 16 oz water

* Speaking of bran flakes, these Trader Joe's Bran Flakes are pretty awesome. $2 a box, 100 calories per serving--I have taken to doing a double serving for breakfast, which is still pretty low calories but is more filling and delivers a 10 grams of fiber, amongst other benefits--and those hard to please bastards at Fooducate even give it a grade of B+ . (They give Kellogg's All Bran Complete Wheat Flakes Cereal a better grade-- A- --but (1) the only advantage it has so far as I can see is that it has 5g of added sugars while TJ's has 6, and (2) it costs about twice as much at TJ's. So Make Mine Trader Joe's.)

** Speaking of milk, I ran out of Almond Milk and haven't taken the time to get to the store, so I've been using a minimum amount of milk--60 grams, to be exact--to keep the calorie count down. And I've found that I actually enjoy it more. Not sure why. Maybe because the cereal doesn't get sodden? But it's not dust dry, either. So that's another lesson learned.

Lunch: cauliflower 53c, 16 oz water, pretzels 84c, subway turkey 300c, coffee 0c

Dinner: brussel sprouts 150c, tomatoes 30c, 16 oz water
= 617c, 32  oz water

962c, 48 oz water

cookie 150c, rice 54c, chicken 115c, tuna 170c, 16 oz water

= 1417c, 64 oz water

Pretzels 110c, fffudge 70c, cookies 110c, yogurt 70c

1777c, 64 oz water So a big hot damn as I go  4 for 6 !


Almost had an exercise-free day, and was kind of feeling okay about that (I'd been on the run since 10 a.m. and didn't get home from the opera until 5:30, and then had to get busy with dinner, so   . . . ), but then I looked at my pedometer and it was so pitiful (apparently sitting at the opera doesn't take a lot of steps) that I thought I'd just get on the bike for a few minutes of nice and easy  before it was time to read to the kids.  Ended up doing a sweat-evoking 45 minutes and got the pedometer up to an almost respectable 8,000 steps for the day.


Week 38: Monday, October 30, 2017 
Week Two, Day Seven Project 180 [1800c] 



Wake-Up Weight:  ??? lbs. I did it, but it was really early and I forgot until after I'd eaten breakfast. I know it wasn't as good as yesterday morning, though. I'm thinking maybe 183.6? Still not bad, obviously, but I want to see 180 or less when I hit that morning scale! 

Breakfast: coffee 30c, cereal 172c and Almond Milk 25c, sunflower seeds 200c, 16 oz water
= 427c, 16 oz water

Lunch: lettuce 25c, tuna 70c, banana 105c, merengue cookies 90c, coffee 10c, granola bar 170c, 16 oz water
= 470c, 16 oz water
897c, 32 oz water

Exercise: 62 Schwinn minutes: w/ 14, 29, 44, 58 one minute hard pedals, @ 1350c, 20.25m, 19.4mph, 64rpms, so a little slow, but not much. Also, in the warm-ups I went for 20 push-ups. Don't know if I'm ready to make that a regular feature, but it didn't really hurt all that much. Also did the LWs.

Post Exercise Weight: I have to admit that I was surprised to see that happy 181 lbs number again, as I didn't really do THAT much sweating this time around. Which is even better, then, ennit?

Dinner: salad 93c, vegetable mix 60c, spring rolls and sauce 250c, salmon 160c, 16 oz water, bread 120c, peanut thingies 80c

= 763c, 16 oz water
1660c, 48 oz water


pretzels 55c, fffudge bar 70c

1785c, 64 oz water

And Week Two, which got off to an inauspicious start, finishes with 5 for 7. It wasn't easy, but it was good.


Week 39: Tuesday, October 31, 2017 
Week Three, Day One Project 180 [1800c] 




Wake-Up Weight:  181.2 lbs. 

Breakfast: coffee 20c, sunflower seeds 100c, cereal 250c, milk 32c
= 402c

Lunch: coffee 0c, peanut thingies 203c, crisps 140c, tomatoes 18c, 16 oz water, granola bar 170c
= 531c, 16 oz water
933c, 16 oz water

Exercise: Did 20 push-ups again in the warm up. Not easy, but I think I can make this the regular new black. Schwinn 62:43minutes, 1351c, 20.30m, 19.4mph, 64rpms. HWs.

Post-Exercise Weight: 

Yep. A new record, baby. And for a moment, I have achieved my 180 goal. Beat it by a little bit. Feels so good. In fact, feels so good that I'm not even going to drink or eat anything for a little while, just so I can enjoy it. Speaking of which, I did a fair amount of sweating today, but I'm not dehydrated. Which means I probably could have hit an even lower number if I'd had some heat turned on while I exercised. (65 degrees is not conducive to a big sweat.)

And then . . . 

Well, I decided to celebrate. And I know it's ironic and stupid to celebrate losing weight by eating a bunch of stuff you wouldn't normally touch, but that's what I did. Because (1) I wanted to, (2) I was really hungry, (3) it was Halloween. And there was some drinking going on as well. And by the time I went to bed, I have to admit: I felt good, and my belly felt nice and full. 

So I start this week out at 0 for 1, but I'm feeling okay about it.


Week 39: Wednesday, November 1, 2017 
Week Three, Day Two Project 180 [1800c] 



Wake-Up Weight:  183.4 lbs. Which isn't too awful. Gonna do a big sweat today, though.

Breakfast: coffee 20c, cereal and milk 233c, banana 105c, 16 oz water

= 358c , 16 oz water

Exercise: 5 mile walk.

Lunch: ham sandwich 255c, merengue cookies 90c, apple 65c, pretzels 110c, 16 oz water
= 520c, 16 oz water
878c, 32 oz water

Exercise: 62 Schwinn minutes, a bit better pace this time around (1362c, 20.26m, 19.6mph, and, most importantly, back to 65rpms). Also LWs. And my Post Exercise Weight (PEW): a not the best ever but not even a little bit shabby 181.2 lbs.

+ 16 oz water 


Dinner: salad 15c+18c+30+30= 93c, cauliflower 82c, pumpkin soup 200c, crackers 140c, whiskey 78c
= 593c

= 1471c, 48oz water

329 to go
Here's how I spent them:
pretzels 110c, merengue cookies 90c, cauliflower 38c fffudge 70c

= 1779c, 48 oz water or, as I like to call it, 1 for 2 on my Project 180.

I also made an appointment to see my doctor again. Which is kind of a big deal. I partly made it because he wanted to re-check my blood levels since  he took me off of Glimepiride. But the bigger reason for me is because having an official doctor's office weigh-in is the best way of making my weight loss real. So the big day is Monday, November 6th. If I can stick to my plan, I should be able to weigh in a good 25 pounds--or more!--less than when I last saw him on June 6th (when I weighed in at 212 lb 8 oz). Very exciting! I feel like I'm about to take a final exam.


Week 39: Thursday, November 2, 2017 
Week Three, Day Three Project 180 [1800c] 


Wake-Up Weight:  182.8 lbs. 

Breakfast: coffee 20c, eggs 136c, crackers 72c, banana 105c, 16 oz water, sunflower seeds 100c
= 433c, 16 oz water

Lunch: pretzels 128c, merengue cookies 45c, coffee 10c
= 183c

Exercise: stretch 1/ 20 push-ups, 62 Schwinn minutes with 14/29/44/59 splits, HWs. Post exercise weight: 179.6 lbs.

Dinner: salad 85c, chicken 240c, crackers 150c, tuna 285c, cookies 110c, cauliflower 50c, 16 oz water
= 920c, 16 oz water
1536c, 32 oz water

Have to admit that I was kind of surprised here--I was fearing that I'd hit dinner too hard (but I was SO HUNGRY after exercising) and that I'd blown it for the day. But that little bitty lunch paid the balance, so I at least have a good shot at making it 2 for 3 for Week 3.

264 to go

banana 105c, yogurt 70c, tomatoes 16c

So 2 for 3.


Week 39: Friday, November 3, 2017 
Week Three, Day Four Project 180 [1800c] 


 Oh, man, I had a Wake-Up Weight that was less than 1/2 pound more than my lowest ever recorded weight. Not sure how that happened, but I like it like it like it like it.

Wake-Up Weight:  181 lbs.

Breakfast: egg 90c, toast 60c, 16 oz water, coffee 20c

Lunch: 1/2 of a McAlister's King Club 480c *, 16 oz water, pretzels 140c, cookies 110c, coffee 10c
= 910c, 32 oz water

* A big indulgence here, but I have to say . . . that was one goooood sandwich. Or half a sandwich, as the case might be, but it was so packed with meat that it was at least the equal of a normal sandwich, for sure. Don't know how this will work out in terms of the day's calorie goal, but I have to say that it was a pleasure to eat that thing.

Exercise: stretching with 20 push-ups, 62 Schwinn minutes + LWs. PxW = 

Holy shit! A new record. Wasn't really expecting that, either. I guess this is the day for records, hey? 

Dinner: salad 110c, 16 oz water, pizza 600c, 16 oz water
= 710c, 16 oz water
1620c, 48 oz water

180 calories to go . . . 
and I spent them on: coffee 20c, one ounce of ham and bread 101c
59 to go
cauiflower  44c

And 3 for 4.

Also, here's some very exciting news. Once I hit 180 pounds, I figure that I will just kind of try to hold there. It's still on the heavier end of Good Weight for my height, but it fits the "acceptable" range. And so I wanted to see how many calories a day I could eat and still maintain that weight. Found a calculator and plugged in my gender, age, weight and height, and here were the results:  

Maintain Weight: 2590, Lose Weight: 2072.

So . . . I can look forward to putting down 2,590 calories a day? Man, that sounds pretty fuckin' sweat. I mean, shit, today I had a big sandwich at McAlister's and two slices of pizza, and if I can hang in there and not go too overboard on the snacks tonight I'll still come in at under 1800 calories. What would I do with another 790 calories? Hmmm. Some shots of whiskey, maybe. Yeah. And a few other things. Shit, maybe even a candy bar? Heh heh. Easy to see that I'm going to have to keep an eye on this shit even after I hit my goal and declare this country for Spain, but I'm hoping that I won't have to keep TOO close an eye on it, knowwhatI'msayin'?

Piece of Cake Out.

Week 39: Saturday, November 4, 2017 
Week Three, Day Five Project 180 [1800c] 



Wake-Up Weight:  180.6 lbs.

Breakfast: sunflower seeds 100c, cereal and almond milk 215c, coffee 30c, 16 oz water, banana 105c
= 450c, 16 oz water

Lunch: cauliflower 25c, granola 170c, coffee 20c, ham sandwich 120c + 71c pretzels 280c, 16 oz water, tomatoes 20c, chocolate 97c
= 803c, 16 oz water1253c, 32 oz water
Well . . . .

Here's how it was. The kids wanted to see the early showing of Thor: Ragnarok, which was at 10:00 a.m., so there wasn't any time to exercise in the morning. And it was a long movie, so we didn't get home until almost 1:00, and by the time we'd eaten lunch we only had about an hour until it was time to take them to their mom's house. And when I got back home at 3:30 and looked at my grass and checked the weather I realized that if I were going to cut it--and it really needed cutting--then I'd have to do that first and then maybe, if I had it in me, I could exercise. But just as I was finishing up the grass my number one son called and we talked for an hour, so by the time I finished the grass I really needed to eat some dinner, and then I started thinking, "You know, a whiskey would be nice . . . . "

So not only did I go off the diet and get drunk, I also missed my exercise, which doesn't happen very often. And on top of all of that, I felt pretty shitty when I woke up . . . at 2:00 in the morning. 

Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. And tomorrow is today, isn't it.

3 for 5.

_________________________________________________

Last night was a three wine cooler, 5 shots of whiskey night.

Which always leads me to smash my calorie limit to hell. And which I almost always regret, but which I always enjoy, so it's behavior that is not likely to change in the near future. Because while I do enjoy the fruits of my strict dieting and exercise labors (42" to 32" waist pants, high weight of 276 lbs to current weight of 183 lbs), I do not enjoy the labors themselves. Well, actually I do enjoy the exercise most of the time. But I never enjoy the calorie counting.

And it it most definitely not something I enjoy doing public confession bits on. But I know that the way my brain works is this: if I fuck up, it lets me off the hook. So it would be easy to say, "Well, that didn't work out, did it? I guess I'll just go back to eating what I want to eat." And I am not going to let that happen. So the confession bit does make me feel a bit ashamed. And I'm thinking that there is also the possibility that if I cop to my bad behaviors and then get back to the good fight, maybe it will help somebody else who is in The Struggle.

And that's all I have to say about that.

_________________________________________________

Week 39: Sunday, November 5, 2017 
Week Three, Day Six Project 180 [1800c] 


Wake-Up Weight:  183.6 lbs. And I am just picturing three pounds of crackers and pretzels and shit in my guts. Some of which hopefully has turned into shit and will soon be hitting the exit door.

Breakfast: coffee 20c, cereal and almond milk 215c, banana 105c, 8 oz water
= 340c, 8 oz water

Lunch: bread 60c, 16 oz water . . . ha ha, bread and water. Just happenstance, no prison metaphor intended.  157-15=142 gram apple 74c, pretzels 140c, ham 4.3 oz = 176c
= 450c, 16 oz water
790c, 24 oz water

bran cereal and almond milk 215c

Exercise: 62 Schwinn minutes, HWs.

Dinner: salad 85c, ham 123c, pea soup 260c, cauliflower 41c, crackers 60c, 16 oz water
= 784c, 16 oz water
1574c, 40 oz water

226c to go, 24oz water to go

Pretzels 140c, 16 oz water, elow 5c, 16 oz water

81c -fffudge bar 70c = 11c

1789c, 72 oz water

4 for 6

Week 39: Monday, November 6, 2017 
Week Three, Day Seven Project 180 [1800c] 


Wake-Up Weight:  ??? lbs. Did it, didn't write it down, forgot it. 

Had a doctor appointment this morning--mostly to check my blood levels since it's been a few months since he took me off Glimepiride. So I did a fast. BTW, the doctor congratulated me on my weight loss, pointing out that I was not very far from having lost 100 pounds. When I told him that I didn't think that I was going to make it to 100 pounds, he replied, "I don't think you should. You look good now." So yay. And then . . . I ate. I was lusting for some Kroger sushi rolls. 

Lunch: 16 oz water, granola bar 170c, sushi rolls 240c, coffee 20c
= 430c, 16 oz water

Exercise: Stretching still doing 20 push-ups, but it was kinda hard today, LWs, 62 Schwinn minutes--tried to push it a little bit today, which mainly meant checking out the rpms and anytime I saw it go under 65 I pushed it back up, and it worked: 1417c, 20.66m, 19.9mph, 66rpm. That might be the first time I've ever hit higher than a 65 average on the rpms.

Post-Exercise Weight:  181.6 lbs. So that's alright. 

Dinner: salad 96c, pretzels 140c, 16 oz water, artichoke hearts 20c, sunflower seeds 100c, ham 123c, cauliflower 30c, apple 116c, shrimp rolls 340c, yogurt 70c, bran flakes and almond milk 110c

= 1145c, 16 Oz Water
1575c, 32 oz water


jello 5c, fffudge bar 70c

Lowest Weight Recorded To Date: 184 182.8 182  180.6 179.6 179 lbs (which was a post-exercise weight).