What's Wrong With Wonder Woman is What's Wrong With You

Well, possibly not--PRObably not--actually. I just thought it was a good title. An allusion to the great song "Vietnamese Baby" by The New York Dolls. *

But possibly so, too. We'll get to that bye and bye.

But I've been thinking about this so-called Wonder Woman. And even though I'd seen it in the theater and been underwhelmed by it, I'd heard so many people singing its praises that I thought maybe I'd missed something for one reason or another. I mean, IMDb gave it a 7.6/10 rating, Rotten Tomatoes a 92%, and apparently 90% Google Users really want to fuck Gal Gadot. Oopsie, wrong statistic. 90% of Google Users liked this movie. 98% of them want to fuck Gal Gadot. 

And beyond that, the movie--which is still in some theaters--is 64 on the All Time Box Office list and #2 for 2017 . . . so it could possibly even push Beauty and the Beast off of the top spot there, I suppose (with a mere $92 million to go to accomplish that).

So I had another look at it. And somewhere around the one hour mark I was thinking, "There are definitely some problems here, but I have to say that I was wrong. This movie kicks some ass."

And then things went to shit in a toilet paper basket. I don't even want to get into that beyond saying I'm tired of Playstation2-y looking action sequences, tired of young heroes fighting old men, and tired of . . . well, pretty much all of the cliched bullshit things that happened in the second half of this movie. It was just awful.

But as for the "some problems" in that first hour. Here's what I see.
First, Gal Gadot is totally unsuitable for this role. And I say that as a man who would cheerfully watch a movie  of Gal Gadot standing at a bus stop for several hours, even if there wasn't a soundtrack. She is superdedooper hot. But Wonder Woman? Seriously? Gal is 5'10" and weighs 130 pounds. Ronda Rousey--who would have played a good Wonder Woman--is three inches shorter and five pounds heavier.  Gabi Garcia, who doesn't play but who is Wonder Woman, is 6′ 2″and weights 209 lbs. Choosing a tiny pretty girl to play Wonder Woman is just capitulating to the male perspective that has caused so much harm and pain in Hollywoodland. 

And you could argue that Wonder Woman goes beyond that, shows that a woman can be Beautiful AND Strong, but that's not the point. And the point is further sharpened by the costume that Gal wears in the movie. Yes, they do have a fun time making light of the clothing women of this era wore, and that's all well and good. But Wonder Woman's costume isn't exactly what you'd call a warrior's garb, is it? Or let's just put it this way: you won't see Batman or Superman wearing that kind of outfit. Nor even Aquaman, for whom it would actually make some sense. It's sexual exploitation, plain and simple. And it's done for one reason only: to pump up those box office figures by making you want to pump Wonder Woman. And of course it works, because . . . well, that's what YOU want, isn't it? Or if not YOU, the person standing next to you, at least.

And furthermore . . . no, that's enough. I understand why people are hailing this movie as a triumph. It's a super hero movie that features a strong female lead, it was directed by a woman . . . it's important for those reasons. But in the larger context, it seems to me that it's more like the success of Lincoln Theodore Monroe Andrew Perry's success as Stepin Fetchit. Yes, it did allow a black man to break into the big time of show business. Yes, it undoubtedly did lead to other black actors getting into the game. But the character he portrayed did incredible harm to black men and women, and that harm is still pulsing through our sit-coms and movies to this day. It would be like having Jackie Robinson break into major league baseball by allowing him to be a team mascot who got kicked in the ass by the players as they took the field.

So I stand by my original assessment of Wonder Woman. Bad movie, a capitulation to misogyny and caricature. It doesn't deserve the acclaim it has garnered.

* The actual line is: "What's wrong today is what's wrong with you / You're so sorry, so damn sorry, that's all you'll do / With a Vietnamese baby on your mind / Your pretty little mind." If you don't know this song, it's definitely worth your time to seek it out. The Dolls were awesome, and this is one of their best songs. Possibly even their best.