First level of cowardice being my reluctance to start this as a new post. Because I figured that if I tacked it onto the most recent installment of My Fat Struggle that it would have fewer (if any) readers than a new post, and that way I could ostensibly be up front while risking less of myself. But you know . . . the whole reason for putting My Fat Struggle up here was so that I would at least theoretically be doing my own version of Growing Up in Public With My Pants Down.1 And (1) I have to say that that was, indeed, a big part of my success in losing a whole lot of weight in a year's time and that (2) it wasn't just theoretical, since I can see that all of the My Fat Struggle entries have quite a few hits . . . a couple of them right around 1,000. (And, btw, the stats that I see only show numbers, no specific identities. You're safe here. Except for you Russian fuckers. I did install the Sarah Palin app, so I am watching you.)
Second (and deeper) level of cowardice being the temptation to just keep tracking things the way I had been doing of late, and not make mention of that which I'm about to make mention of. Because no one would know. But the fact is that I've slipped back a bit from my "high point" of 185 lbs, and am now vacillating between 195 and 200, and I'm not happy about that.
Third level of cowardice being . . .
Oh, fuck. I don't have the strength to finish this up right this moment. I'll be back.
For now, let's just get on with the show.
1 And it has been pretty fuckin' embarrassing let me tell you.
I'm BAAAaack.
To resume:
Third level of cowardice being . . . fuck if I know what I was going to write there. But I did have a little more preambling to do. Kind of with the intention of saying to my theoretical audience of people who are struggling to lose weight, "This is what fucked with my head, so you might want to be on the watch for shit that looks like this." Forwarned is still forearmed, isn't it?
So here's my official list of
Things that made it hard to maintain faithfulness to my weight loss regimen.
(1) laziness--not wanting to count every calorie, not always wanting to exercise . . . though I did a pretty good job of keeping up with the exercising the vast majority of the time.
(2) eating "extra" knowingly and just not caring. Sometimes I would justify this by saying, "I burned so many calories today that this won't work against me." And sometimes I would justify it to myself by saying, "I'm just SO hungry that I HAVE to eat." One of the things I notice in retrospect is that I was also not doing a very good job of drinking my 64 oz of water per day during this period. That's a must do thing . . . really for anybody, but most especially for people who are trying to lose weight . . . and for people who have or have had kidney stones.
(3) drinking adult beverages, which not only adds calories in and of itself, but which also ALWAYS leads to me overeating of the worst kinds of foods at hand (chips and pretzels, mostly).
(4) people making negative comments, like "Are you okay?" (as in "Are you wasting away because you are dying of cancer?") or the no-doubt well-intentioned, maybe even meant to be flattering, "You've lost too much weight, don't lose any more." That bullshit really irked me, because (1) I know how much I weight and how much I should weigh, and (2) you're basically accusing me of having am eating disorder, and that is not fucking cool.
(5) people making discouraging comments, like, "Nobody loses weight and keeps it off." (This one was pretty much the sole province of fat people who had lost a few pounds, then decided it was too hard and started eating like pigs again. 1)
(6) injuries. First my back, which forced me to give up sit-ups and leg lifts, then my elbow, which hasn't beaten me out of anything yet, but which does cause me no small amount of pain on a regular basis.
(7) hearing Jillian Michael say that exercising more than 300 minutes in a week damaged your body. (Shit, between cutting the grass, biking, and Schwinning, I did 150 minutes today alone.)
(8) being conflicted between the goals of adding muscle and losing weight. Those two goals only go together up to a certain point . . . and then they become irreconcilable.
(9) flabby skin. I'm fortunate in that the skin that shows on me fared pretty well. My neck is a bit baggy, but since I'm 60+, that is to be expected. What I really hate is my chest and stomach. They look pretty okay when I'm in a standing position, but out of the vertical it's obvious that there used to be more stuffing in this turkey. Looking bad in the mirror is not an inducement to strict dieting and heavy exertion. 2 (Whiskey, on the other hand, seems like a damned good idea. It's much easier to live yourself when you've been drinking.) I don't know if there's a cure for this other than the old nip and tuck, and I can't go for that, no can do. I haven't given up hope yet, though, so more news on this front if and as it happens.
1 I know that's not very nice, but as a friend recently wrote to me, "There's this culture of learned helplessness when it comes to weight and fitness that just drives me up the wall. It's science! Your body cannot beat the laws of thermodynamics! Burn more calories than you take in and you will lose weight, end of story. " That's what I'M talking about.
2 Speaking of which, I have learned a lot about failure from this past year + nine weeks of dieting. My typical reaction to failure on thus front has been to say, "Well, fuck it, then. Maybe I'll see you around." 3 Which is not a healthy perspective.
3 Why, yes, as a matter of fact that WAS an allusion to Roger Waters's The Pros and Cons if Hitchhiking. It is still one of my all-time favorite albums. I bought it when it first came out, thus still have the original naked ass cover version. Wanna buy it? $357 ought to cover it. Call me.
Okay, I think that was about it. For now, anyway.
That said . . .
Year 2, Week Nine: Tuesday, 4/17/2018
Deep breath. Wake-up weight: 198.8 lbs.
Breakfast: toast 140c, egg 90c, margarine 25c, coffee 20c = 275c, 16 oz water
Pre-exercise Weight: 199.8 lbs. To be fair, I did have 16 oz of water right before I weighed myself. But still . . . not a happy, smiling number for me.
Just to see if I could, I pushed past the usual 25 push-ups in the first set and got to 30. I think that was it, but there might have been one more in me. But I thought 30 was pretty good.
And other than that, I did a full warm-up routine, full 62 Schwinn minutes, and full "LW"--the new, expanded, no longer Light Weight LW, too, with the 20 lb dumbbell cycle at the first Schwinn break, the first 15 lb dumbbell cycle at the second, the second, third and fourth 15 lb dumbbell cycles at the third, and the three sets of 15 concentration curls with 15 lb dumbbells after the fourth. Makes for quite a workout. I also kept track of everything on my pedometer this time, and according to it I burned 540 calories during this session (and took 9,492 steps). And I didn't even feel like dealing with this shit today, so even better. If you can push yourself when you are feeling unmotivated, that's a big win in my book.
Jet continues to like to harass me when I do push-ups, but has at least learned to wait until I am planking before she climbs under me. And in this case, it worked out well as I was able to use her to hide my flabby belly . . . which really looks kind of awful from his angle without a cat.
And Post Exercise Weight: 196.2 lbs. Not great, but I plan on working on it.
After that . . . well, I did keep track of my calories, and it was looking like a WIN day until dinnertime. Then I decided that Jim Beam's Vanilla Whiskey was calling to me, and I answered the call. It got ugly after that. So . . . going to have to reboot on the calorie count tomorrow. I'm not avoiding the specifics, by the way . . . I just don't know what the specifics are. Things got a little blurry between the fourth and sixth shot. But I know there was consumption. I have the peanut shells to prove it.
Sigh. I think I'm just going to have to accept the fact that I am going to go off the Rez on occasion, and be okay with that, and not let it deter me from sticking to my diet on the other days. Because the temptation is to just say the hell with it, and while that isn't the most terrible thing that can happen, it does insure that I won't ever make it to my goal of 180 lbs.
Assuming that that is my goal. Which I think it is. At the moment, anyway.
Sigh.
Year 2, Week Nine: Wednesday, 4/18/2018
Didn't do a wake-up weight. Who needs the humiliation, right? Maybe mañana.
As for today . . .
Breakfast: coffee 20c, cereal with raisins and milk 320c, 16 oz water 340c
ham sandwich 273c, coffee 10c, Blacberries 47c
Crackers 200c, 16 oz water,pretzels 73c = 603c
Dinner: salad 110c, rice 160c, fish 420c, bread 140c, vegetable mix 150c, 16 oz water = 980c
1,923c . . . which is a kick in the teeth because (1) it's over my goal of 1,800, (2) I don't feel that I've eaten that much today, and (3) it's only 6 pm and I am mos def going to want to eat more tonight.
So . . . well, I went for a real bike ride today, about 45 minutes worth. And I was giing to leave it at that . . . but now I'm thinking it might be a good idea to get on the stationary bike and burn off a couple of hundred calories. Don't really want to, but maybe . . . .
Well. I did 45 minutes, and my pedometer (which tends to be conservative about such matters) said that I burned 573 calories, so I felt okay about having another 170c (ice cream bar and yogurt) before calling it a night. I also realized that my lawn mowing and biking had burned another 800+ calories, so I am thinking that despite my initial alarm and chagrin, yesterday was okay on the calorie intake vs. output.
Onward and upward.
Thursday got a little lost along the way.
No, wait . . . I found it.
Thursday, April 19, 2018
Rough day. Mostly because of the cutting of the grass. I wanted to wait until later in the day to do it, but there was a hint that there might be rain, and since I pick the kids up at 2:30 it would have to be after that . . . so I girded up my loins and did it early on, as soon as the grass had dried out. And it was actually very hard. Only burned a tad over 300 calories according to my pedometer, but it really wore me out. So much so that I just kind of lay around until it was kid time. And then after making dinner I started feeling really shitty, like I was getting a horrible cold. So I packed it all in for the day. Didn’t track my food, didn’t exercise at all, felt really shitty, went to bed early. But I guess it was just an allergic thing with the grass, because this morning
Year 2, Week Nine: Friday, 4/20/2018
I felt pretty good. However . . . it was a difficult day ahead. I only had an hour and a half between dropping off Jacqueline and picking up Joe, and then I’d only have an hour and a half before it was time to take Joe to his doctor’s appointment, and then home just in time for Joe’s OT therapy, and then straight to drop the kids off to their mom’s house, and then only an hour before a dinner date with Pat. So I could see that it was going to be very hard to get in that 90 minutes + of exercising. It would have been a great day to take off, for sure. But I decided to see if I could bite the bullet. So at 8:00 am I started with some stretching and a 15 minute set on the Schwinn. Then took Joe to work, came back home and managed to finish all except the weights before it was time to go get Joe. And finished them up when we got home. So I actually managed a full day’s worth—and I have to say, I’m pretty happy about that. I also did a post weight exercise, and it wasn’t too awful: 195.6. Not great, obviously, but for now, I’ll take it.
And then . . . .
Crackers 200c, 16 oz water,pretzels 73c = 603c
Dinner: salad 110c, rice 160c, fish 420c, bread 140c, vegetable mix 150c, 16 oz water = 980c
1,923c . . . which is a kick in the teeth because (1) it's over my goal of 1,800, (2) I don't feel that I've eaten that much today, and (3) it's only 6 pm and I am mos def going to want to eat more tonight.
So . . . well, I went for a real bike ride today, about 45 minutes worth. And I was giing to leave it at that . . . but now I'm thinking it might be a good idea to get on the stationary bike and burn off a couple of hundred calories. Don't really want to, but maybe . . . .
Well. I did 45 minutes, and my pedometer (which tends to be conservative about such matters) said that I burned 573 calories, so I felt okay about having another 170c (ice cream bar and yogurt) before calling it a night. I also realized that my lawn mowing and biking had burned another 800+ calories, so I am thinking that despite my initial alarm and chagrin, yesterday was okay on the calorie intake vs. output.
Onward and upward.
Thursday got a little lost along the way.
No, wait . . . I found it.
Thursday, April 19, 2018
Rough day. Mostly because of the cutting of the grass. I wanted to wait until later in the day to do it, but there was a hint that there might be rain, and since I pick the kids up at 2:30 it would have to be after that . . . so I girded up my loins and did it early on, as soon as the grass had dried out. And it was actually very hard. Only burned a tad over 300 calories according to my pedometer, but it really wore me out. So much so that I just kind of lay around until it was kid time. And then after making dinner I started feeling really shitty, like I was getting a horrible cold. So I packed it all in for the day. Didn’t track my food, didn’t exercise at all, felt really shitty, went to bed early. But I guess it was just an allergic thing with the grass, because this morning
Year 2, Week Nine: Friday, 4/20/2018
I felt pretty good. However . . . it was a difficult day ahead. I only had an hour and a half between dropping off Jacqueline and picking up Joe, and then I’d only have an hour and a half before it was time to take Joe to his doctor’s appointment, and then home just in time for Joe’s OT therapy, and then straight to drop the kids off to their mom’s house, and then only an hour before a dinner date with Pat. So I could see that it was going to be very hard to get in that 90 minutes + of exercising. It would have been a great day to take off, for sure. But I decided to see if I could bite the bullet. So at 8:00 am I started with some stretching and a 15 minute set on the Schwinn. Then took Joe to work, came back home and managed to finish all except the weights before it was time to go get Joe. And finished them up when we got home. So I actually managed a full day’s worth—and I have to say, I’m pretty happy about that. I also did a post weight exercise, and it wasn’t too awful: 195.6. Not great, obviously, but for now, I’ll take it.
And then . . . .
Breakfast: soft boiled eggs 156c, crackers 96c, coffee 20c, 16 oz water
272c
Lunch: coffee 10c, chile 360c, crackers 120c, 16 oz water
490c
Dinner: sushi 210c, pretzels 90c, salad 115c, soup 220c
635c
So as you can see, things were looking quite good at that point. Total of 1,397 calories. And I'd already done a full set of warm-ups, Schwinning, and "HW"s, so it was all quite good. Lots of breathing room, even. But there was that Jim Beam's Vanilla Whiskey beckoning to me . . . and so I had four shots.
Whiskey 400c
And even then things were fine. 1,797 calories. Minus the 400 hundred or so that I'd burned up. And then . . . The Hunger. The Drunken Hunger. And I decided to let myself at it, with only one stipulation: I had to keep track of everything I ate. A little experiment, just to see how bad things got.
Well, one of the things that got bad was my handwriting, but I did dutifully continue to record until the last bite that preceded going to bed . . . including the other three shots of whiskey (300c) along the way. And it looked like this:
the aforementioned whiskey, granola 170c, pretzels 110c, chips 140c, fudge bar 100c, pretzels 110c, crackers 200c, cereal 200c, cookies 130c, yogurt 70c = 1,530 calories.
And I will have to confess that even in my drunken stupor I felt that I was holding back just a little bit, that I really could've and wanted to eat even more. But that pretty much tells the tale, doesn't it? If every time I get drunk I'm eating an extra day's worth of calories, then clearly I am going to put on weight. It's surprising that I haven't put on more, really. I suppose that is some testament to the efficacy of all of my exercising.
I'm glad I did this, though. Even when you KNOW, it's easy to deny the impact of what you're doing. Putting it down in numbers like this makes it really real. It doesn't mean I'm going to stop having the occasional drunken roll, for sure, because hey, I like it. But it does mean that I'm going to try to find a way to lessen the caloric impact.
Year 2, Week Nine: Saturday, 4/21/2018
Year 2, Week Nine: Sunday, 4/22/2018
So the day begins. With a Wake-Up Weight of 199.6 lbs. Ouch.
Breakfast: toast 150c, egg 90c, coffee 20c = 260c
Lunch: ham sandwich 260c, pretzels 110c, granola bar 170c, 16 0z water, coffee 10c, soup 60c crackers 24c = 634c
Dinner: chicken 300c, pretzels 110c, yogurt 70c, sunflower seeds 100c, milk 100c, crackers 200c, pretzels 110c = 990c
For a grand total of . . . 1,884 calories, which is just a couple of hairs above my goal. But wait!
I really wasn't feeling the energy for the exercise routine at all, but I pushed myself to do a little bit, and so did a set of push-ups / plank / ab stretches and the stretchings, then did a full on 62 Schwinn minutes at a pretty decent clips (1379 "calories burned"). And I also used my pedometer calorie counter, which is almost accurate--though it errs on the low side, so even better for me--and it said I burned 502 calories during the Schwinning, so it was quite a good day for the calories. And I didn't even have to starve myself. In fact, I indulged a bit, as you can see. All of which helps a lot, especially on a day when I felt that I had zero energy and about the same level of motivation.
Year 2, Week Nine: Monday, 4/23/2018
Breakfast: coffee 20c, toast 80c, egg 90c = 190c
Lunch: Sunflower seeds 200c, ham sandwich 260c, granola bar 170c, 16 oz water, pretzels 110c = 740c
Dinner: Salad 125c, veg mix 60, fish 420c, bread 280c, 16 oz water
Chocolate milk 100c, orangecicle 100c = 1085c
pretzels 110c
2125c total
Exercise: full warm-up, full 62 Schwinn minutes, full "LWs." Woo hoo.
Also, check this out:
Calories burned
According to FitBit: 736
According to Pedometer: 560.9
Steps
According to FitBit: 5,897
According to Pedometer: 9,853
Pretty weird, isn't it? I can't explain the differential in steps, but I think the extra calorie burn according to FitBit is due to the fact that it counts calories burned on things like push-ups and weight lifting that aren't counted on the Pedometer. Which is really good, because that means that I've been burning more calories than I thought I was.
Which also means that taking that into account for today, my actual calories balance is 1,389 calories . . . which is quite good. So good that I'm going to go have another snack.
And oh yeah, also . . . my post exercise weight today was 194.6 pounds. Getting there.
Year 2, Week Ten: Tuesday, 4/24/2018
Wake-Up Weight: 195.2 lbs
Breakfast: coffee 20c, toast 80c, egg 90c = 190c
Lunch: 16 oz water, banana 105c, granola bar 170c, ham sandwich 260c, pretzels 165c, coffee 20c = 720c
Total: 910c
Man, it really sucks how quickly those calories add up, y'know? I mean, it's not like I've been sitting around stuffing my face all day...but I already have half on my daily quota in. Sheesh.
16 oz water, pretzels 110c
Decided I needed to lay off the heavy stuff for exercise tonight, so I did the warm-ups with just the first two sets of push-ups / plank / ab stretches, then the full 62 minutes of Schwinn. I am very anxious to find a way that I can exercise without hurting myself, and I am starting to think that might mean going full over to an every other day on weights, and maybe the push-ups as well. (Push-ups are really hard; maybe the hardest exercise I do.) I am thinking that that might also help me to remain more faithful to doing the bike every day, because obviously that is the big calorie burner, right? I did a little check in with the FitBit and a stretch / 20 push-ups / 1 minute plank / 25 ab stretches cycle apparently only burned 22 calories. That doesn't seem like a whole lot of bang for my exercise buck. I think that's what I burn in about a minute on the bike. Further investigation is needed.
But by the way . . . I also checked the full calorie burn for the bike according to FitBit, and it said that it was 505 (1329 according to Schwinn). I didn't check my pedometer before I started, but even now it's only showing 599 calories burned--which would count everything from the moment I got up until now--so I think it's pretty clear that I can only count on the pedometer to count calories burned on the stationary bike. (BTW, I have been wearing the FitBit all day, and according to it I've burned 2,199 calories today. Is that possible? I know that the body burns a pretty good chunk just doing its usual thing . . . and I did do a quick half mile bike to sister's house and back . . . so maybe.
At any rate, time to do some dinner. And a few drinks, too, I should probably blush to admit, but I'm not.
And here's how that went:
Dinner: soup 240c, fake meat 84c, whiskey 400c, pretzels 110c
whiskey 200c, crackers 200c, whiskey 200c, orangecicle 100c, crackers 120c, cereal 200c, granola 170c = a whopping 2024c (oh my), which brings the day's total up to 3044c. Not acceptable. Of course, I did have that big calorie burn . . . . But yeah. I know. The way to a svelte figure does not include a whole bunch of trips downing 12 ounces of whiskey. But it was a nice little trip, I have to say.
Year 2, Week Ten: Wednesday, 4/25/2018
Wake-Up Weight: 195.6 lbs
Breakfast: chocolate milk 100c, coffee 20c, toast 140c, egg 90c, 16 oz water = 350c . . . which is a bit high, but I really needed that chocolate milk.
Lunch: 16 oz water, pretzels 110c, ham sandwich 270c, tomatoes 15c, granola bar 170c, coffee 10c, pretzels 110c = 685c
Total: 1035c
16 oz water
Exercise: full warm-up, 62 Schwinn minutes, "HW"s
Hmmm.
Calories burned count: 1,333 Schwinn, 586 FitBit, 480 pedometer
Step count: 5,124 FitBit, 8,432 pedometer
Strange, huh?
Dinner: artichoke hearts 30c, crackers 60c, rice 160c, roast beef 300c, pretzels, vegetable mix 150c, 16 oz water = 700c
pretzels 110c, orangecicle 100c, 16 oz water, crackers 200c, cereal 210c = 620c
So geez, that was a 2,355 calorie day. If I'd stopped at dinner, it would have been a very acceptable and nice 1,735 calorie day. But I went to the movies with Pat, and when I got home I was just hongry. So I did eat the stuffs. Which put me 555 calories over my goal. Of course, I did burn up more than that on the bike, so . . . . Maybe okay? Probably not, though.
Y'know, though, I was thinking last night that writing down the things I eat and the calories they contain is no fuckin' fun at all, but even when I miss my mark, I think the writing down of the details is a positive influence on what I eat. Because even if I do go over what I wanted to eat, I at least know for a fact that I have done so. When I wasn't writing calories down it was pretty easy for me to think, "Well, I probably did okay today," or, "Well, I might have gone over, but I didn't go over that much." It's rationalizations like that that kill a diet. That kill an attempt to reduce the fat on my body, I mean. (My Rule #2 of Dieting: Spurn Euphemisms. If you want to lose weight, move to another planet or consider amputation of non-necessary appendages. Hmm? Oh, right. My Rule #1 of Dieting (My Rule #1 of Losing Fat, heh heh) is: Count Your Fuckin' Calories, Man.)
Year 2, Week Ten: Thursday, 4/26/2018
Breakfast: soft-boiled eggs 140c, crackers 96c, coffee 20c, 16 oz water = 256c
Lunch: pretzels 110c, roast beef sandwich 140 + 200 = 340c, granola bar 170c, pretzels 110c, 16 oz water = 730c
986c total
Butterfinger 250c, ham 60c, 16 oz water
Cut the grass, and then, since we had plans for the night, tried to go ahead and exercise just a couple of hours later. Didn’t work out so well. Very low energy. I did manage to get one set of the push-up cycle and the 20 lb dumbbell cycle, then 45 minutes’s worth of the Schwinn. Not too bad. Did another little comparison thingie.
272c
Lunch: coffee 10c, chile 360c, crackers 120c, 16 oz water
490c
Dinner: sushi 210c, pretzels 90c, salad 115c, soup 220c
635c
So as you can see, things were looking quite good at that point. Total of 1,397 calories. And I'd already done a full set of warm-ups, Schwinning, and "HW"s, so it was all quite good. Lots of breathing room, even. But there was that Jim Beam's Vanilla Whiskey beckoning to me . . . and so I had four shots.
Whiskey 400c
And even then things were fine. 1,797 calories. Minus the 400 hundred or so that I'd burned up. And then . . . The Hunger. The Drunken Hunger. And I decided to let myself at it, with only one stipulation: I had to keep track of everything I ate. A little experiment, just to see how bad things got.
Well, one of the things that got bad was my handwriting, but I did dutifully continue to record until the last bite that preceded going to bed . . . including the other three shots of whiskey (300c) along the way. And it looked like this:
the aforementioned whiskey, granola 170c, pretzels 110c, chips 140c, fudge bar 100c, pretzels 110c, crackers 200c, cereal 200c, cookies 130c, yogurt 70c = 1,530 calories.
And I will have to confess that even in my drunken stupor I felt that I was holding back just a little bit, that I really could've and wanted to eat even more. But that pretty much tells the tale, doesn't it? If every time I get drunk I'm eating an extra day's worth of calories, then clearly I am going to put on weight. It's surprising that I haven't put on more, really. I suppose that is some testament to the efficacy of all of my exercising.
I'm glad I did this, though. Even when you KNOW, it's easy to deny the impact of what you're doing. Putting it down in numbers like this makes it really real. It doesn't mean I'm going to stop having the occasional drunken roll, for sure, because hey, I like it. But it does mean that I'm going to try to find a way to lessen the caloric impact.
Year 2, Week Nine: Saturday, 4/21/2018
I was not anxious to do a Wake-up Weight after last night's debauchery, but I did. And . . . it was not as bad as I feared: 198.4 lbs. George Orwell weight.
Breakfast: bran cereal 120c, milk 25c, coffee 20c, water 16 oz = 165c
Lunch: sunflower seeds 100c, pretzels 110c, granola 170c, ham sandwich 290c, crackers 200c, coffee 10c = 880c
1045 calories
Dinner: salad 150c, pizza 600c, 16 oz water
Which is not exactly what you'd call a low calories dinner, but, as you can see--TOTAL 1,795 calories--it still fit within my restricted calories per diem. And all would have been exceedingly well if I'd stopped there.
But even though I had not exercised today, and thus deserved no extra calories, I took them.
pretzels 110c, 16 oz water, ham sandwich 270c, milk 100c, creak 170c, ice cream 100c, cookies 130c, which means an extra 880 calories for the day and a total of 2,675 calories. Which is not good. Which is not what I want. Which is disappointing. Which I can't even blame on drinking, as I didn't.
And I want to do better.
But there is one thing. According to an online calorie calculator (at calculator.net), I need (need, heh heh) "2,696 calories/day to maintain [my] weight."
Now, here's the thing. I don't want to use that to excuse today's over-eating. I ate more than I wanted to eat, and I want to lose 15 - 20 pounds, so I have to do a better job of that. However, I have found in the past that failing to meet my expectations usually inspires me to fail more, to say, "Well, fuck it, then," and stray from my goals for an extended period of time. By putting it into this perspective--"I fucked up, but I didn't fuck up beyond repair,"--I'm hoping that I can nudge myself back onto the Skinny and Narrow Path.
Here's hoping.
Breakfast: bran cereal 120c, milk 25c, coffee 20c, water 16 oz = 165c
Lunch: sunflower seeds 100c, pretzels 110c, granola 170c, ham sandwich 290c, crackers 200c, coffee 10c = 880c
1045 calories
Dinner: salad 150c, pizza 600c, 16 oz water
Which is not exactly what you'd call a low calories dinner, but, as you can see--TOTAL 1,795 calories--it still fit within my restricted calories per diem. And all would have been exceedingly well if I'd stopped there.
But even though I had not exercised today, and thus deserved no extra calories, I took them.
pretzels 110c, 16 oz water, ham sandwich 270c, milk 100c, creak 170c, ice cream 100c, cookies 130c, which means an extra 880 calories for the day and a total of 2,675 calories. Which is not good. Which is not what I want. Which is disappointing. Which I can't even blame on drinking, as I didn't.
And I want to do better.
But there is one thing. According to an online calorie calculator (at calculator.net), I need (need, heh heh) "2,696 calories/day to maintain [my] weight."
Now, here's the thing. I don't want to use that to excuse today's over-eating. I ate more than I wanted to eat, and I want to lose 15 - 20 pounds, so I have to do a better job of that. However, I have found in the past that failing to meet my expectations usually inspires me to fail more, to say, "Well, fuck it, then," and stray from my goals for an extended period of time. By putting it into this perspective--"I fucked up, but I didn't fuck up beyond repair,"--I'm hoping that I can nudge myself back onto the Skinny and Narrow Path.
Here's hoping.
Year 2, Week Nine: Sunday, 4/22/2018
Breakfast: toast 150c, egg 90c, coffee 20c = 260c
Lunch: ham sandwich 260c, pretzels 110c, granola bar 170c, 16 0z water, coffee 10c, soup 60c crackers 24c = 634c
Dinner: chicken 300c, pretzels 110c, yogurt 70c, sunflower seeds 100c, milk 100c, crackers 200c, pretzels 110c = 990c
For a grand total of . . . 1,884 calories, which is just a couple of hairs above my goal. But wait!
I really wasn't feeling the energy for the exercise routine at all, but I pushed myself to do a little bit, and so did a set of push-ups / plank / ab stretches and the stretchings, then did a full on 62 Schwinn minutes at a pretty decent clips (1379 "calories burned"). And I also used my pedometer calorie counter, which is almost accurate--though it errs on the low side, so even better for me--and it said I burned 502 calories during the Schwinning, so it was quite a good day for the calories. And I didn't even have to starve myself. In fact, I indulged a bit, as you can see. All of which helps a lot, especially on a day when I felt that I had zero energy and about the same level of motivation.
Year 2, Week Nine: Monday, 4/23/2018
Breakfast: coffee 20c, toast 80c, egg 90c = 190c
Lunch: Sunflower seeds 200c, ham sandwich 260c, granola bar 170c, 16 oz water, pretzels 110c = 740c
Dinner: Salad 125c, veg mix 60, fish 420c, bread 280c, 16 oz water
Chocolate milk 100c, orangecicle 100c = 1085c
pretzels 110c
2125c total
Exercise: full warm-up, full 62 Schwinn minutes, full "LWs." Woo hoo.
Also, check this out:
Calories burned
According to FitBit: 736
According to Pedometer: 560.9
Steps
According to FitBit: 5,897
According to Pedometer: 9,853
Which also means that taking that into account for today, my actual calories balance is 1,389 calories . . . which is quite good. So good that I'm going to go have another snack.
And oh yeah, also . . . my post exercise weight today was 194.6 pounds. Getting there.
Year 2, Week Ten: Tuesday, 4/24/2018
Wake-Up Weight: 195.2 lbs
Breakfast: coffee 20c, toast 80c, egg 90c = 190c
Lunch: 16 oz water, banana 105c, granola bar 170c, ham sandwich 260c, pretzels 165c, coffee 20c = 720c
Total: 910c
Man, it really sucks how quickly those calories add up, y'know? I mean, it's not like I've been sitting around stuffing my face all day...but I already have half on my daily quota in. Sheesh.
16 oz water, pretzels 110c
Decided I needed to lay off the heavy stuff for exercise tonight, so I did the warm-ups with just the first two sets of push-ups / plank / ab stretches, then the full 62 minutes of Schwinn. I am very anxious to find a way that I can exercise without hurting myself, and I am starting to think that might mean going full over to an every other day on weights, and maybe the push-ups as well. (Push-ups are really hard; maybe the hardest exercise I do.) I am thinking that that might also help me to remain more faithful to doing the bike every day, because obviously that is the big calorie burner, right? I did a little check in with the FitBit and a stretch / 20 push-ups / 1 minute plank / 25 ab stretches cycle apparently only burned 22 calories. That doesn't seem like a whole lot of bang for my exercise buck. I think that's what I burn in about a minute on the bike. Further investigation is needed.
But by the way . . . I also checked the full calorie burn for the bike according to FitBit, and it said that it was 505 (1329 according to Schwinn). I didn't check my pedometer before I started, but even now it's only showing 599 calories burned--which would count everything from the moment I got up until now--so I think it's pretty clear that I can only count on the pedometer to count calories burned on the stationary bike. (BTW, I have been wearing the FitBit all day, and according to it I've burned 2,199 calories today. Is that possible? I know that the body burns a pretty good chunk just doing its usual thing . . . and I did do a quick half mile bike to sister's house and back . . . so maybe.
At any rate, time to do some dinner. And a few drinks, too, I should probably blush to admit, but I'm not.
And here's how that went:
Dinner: soup 240c, fake meat 84c, whiskey 400c, pretzels 110c
whiskey 200c, crackers 200c, whiskey 200c, orangecicle 100c, crackers 120c, cereal 200c, granola 170c = a whopping 2024c (oh my), which brings the day's total up to 3044c. Not acceptable. Of course, I did have that big calorie burn . . . . But yeah. I know. The way to a svelte figure does not include a whole bunch of trips downing 12 ounces of whiskey. But it was a nice little trip, I have to say.
Year 2, Week Ten: Wednesday, 4/25/2018
Wake-Up Weight: 195.6 lbs
Breakfast: chocolate milk 100c, coffee 20c, toast 140c, egg 90c, 16 oz water = 350c . . . which is a bit high, but I really needed that chocolate milk.
Lunch: 16 oz water, pretzels 110c, ham sandwich 270c, tomatoes 15c, granola bar 170c, coffee 10c, pretzels 110c = 685c
Total: 1035c
16 oz water
Exercise: full warm-up, 62 Schwinn minutes, "HW"s
Hmmm.
Calories burned count: 1,333 Schwinn, 586 FitBit, 480 pedometer
Step count: 5,124 FitBit, 8,432 pedometer
Strange, huh?
Dinner: artichoke hearts 30c, crackers 60c, rice 160c, roast beef 300c, pretzels, vegetable mix 150c, 16 oz water = 700c
pretzels 110c, orangecicle 100c, 16 oz water, crackers 200c, cereal 210c = 620c
So geez, that was a 2,355 calorie day. If I'd stopped at dinner, it would have been a very acceptable and nice 1,735 calorie day. But I went to the movies with Pat, and when I got home I was just hongry. So I did eat the stuffs. Which put me 555 calories over my goal. Of course, I did burn up more than that on the bike, so . . . . Maybe okay? Probably not, though.
Y'know, though, I was thinking last night that writing down the things I eat and the calories they contain is no fuckin' fun at all, but even when I miss my mark, I think the writing down of the details is a positive influence on what I eat. Because even if I do go over what I wanted to eat, I at least know for a fact that I have done so. When I wasn't writing calories down it was pretty easy for me to think, "Well, I probably did okay today," or, "Well, I might have gone over, but I didn't go over that much." It's rationalizations like that that kill a diet. That kill an attempt to reduce the fat on my body, I mean. (My Rule #2 of Dieting: Spurn Euphemisms. If you want to lose weight, move to another planet or consider amputation of non-necessary appendages. Hmm? Oh, right. My Rule #1 of Dieting (My Rule #1 of Losing Fat, heh heh) is: Count Your Fuckin' Calories, Man.)
Year 2, Week Ten: Thursday, 4/26/2018
Breakfast: soft-boiled eggs 140c, crackers 96c, coffee 20c, 16 oz water = 256c
Lunch: pretzels 110c, roast beef sandwich 140 + 200 = 340c, granola bar 170c, pretzels 110c, 16 oz water = 730c
986c total
Butterfinger 250c, ham 60c, 16 oz water
Cut the grass, and then, since we had plans for the night, tried to go ahead and exercise just a couple of hours later. Didn’t work out so well. Very low energy. I did manage to get one set of the push-up cycle and the 20 lb dumbbell cycle, then 45 minutes’s worth of the Schwinn. Not too bad. Did another little comparison thingie.
pedometer:
15,662 - 9,807 steps = 5,855
891.5 - 558.2 calories = 333.3
FitBit:
14,189 - 10,744 steps = 3,445
2,473 - 2,037.0 calories = 436
Schwin
930 calories
Still don't understand the results, but what the hell.
Dinner: salad pizza
Year 2, Week Ten: Monday, 4/30/2018
Breakfast: egg 90c, toast 70c, coffee 30c, 16 oz water = 190c
Year 2, Week Ten: Monday, 4/30/2018
Talk about yer lost weekend. It started Thursday, when I totally blew myself out by doing the Schwinn almost directly after I'd mowed the lawn. But I'd told the kids I was going to take them to an organ / violin / trumpet concert at St. James, so it had to happen. But not only was I wiped out from the strain, but the next day I really felt like shit, and I'm starting to think that its allergies in the wake of cutting the grass. Which is going to be a problem. I was able to get back on the exercising for Saturday, but then I just lazed out and didn't do Sunday. Well, it wasn't all laziness. Went to church late and it was an extra long service, and got home starving, and didn't have time to eat, wait, then exercise before track and field practice. So I opted to eat instead. Which brings us to today.
Man, this shit is unfuckingrelenting.
Breakfast: egg 90c, toast 70c, coffee 30c, 16 oz water = 190c
Exercise: Schein 62 minutes (1398), only two sets of push-ups and one set of ab stretches, all other stretching, full HW.
And irony of ironies . . . now I only have an hour and thirty minutes to cut Mary's grass . . . and no time to rest. Or really eat. But that's what granola bars are for, right?
Lunch: granola bar 170c
Year 2, Week Eleven: Tuesday, 5/1/2018
Y’know . . . I have to get back to the calories tracking, I know that. But I have been struggling so much to get back to the full exercise routine that I decided that I’m just going to forget about the strict diet for now and focus on that. It won’t get me to where I want to go, but allowing myself to indulge dietarialy will give me a little more incentive to get back up to speed on exercise, and I feel that that is my priority right now. If I fuck up and don’t get back up to speed in two to three weeks I’ll re-think it. And if I do get back up to speed on exercise, then I’ll shift my focus to the diet. Okay? Okay.
Exercise: all warm-ups, three sets of push-ups / plank / ab stretches; 62 Schwinn minutes (for a quite respectable “-1362 calories), full round on 20lb dumbbells, 20 rep set of 15 lb dumbbells
Not great, but not bad, either. Getting known.
Year 2, Week Eleven: Saturday, 5/5/2018
I've got some catching up to do, as I have information for some of the "missing" days, but for now, here's today:
Exercise: 62 Schwinn minutes with full HW and stretching, but just one set of push-ups, plank, and ab stretches. Post Exercise Weight of 198.2.
Okay. Deep breath. I'm going to try to do this the right way for as long as I can. Deep breath. Suck the shame into the bowels and hold it there.
Wake-Up Weight:
Now, I do feel compelled to say that I drank a lot last night--8 1/2 shots of Brown Sugar Whiskey. And ate some extra junk, for sure. So I think that's at least five pounds higher than it "should" be. But the fat's a fact, and I'm going to deal with it as is. This means that I'm about 18 pounds over my best weight, and 23 pounds over what was my ideal goal (way back when). So I have a lot of work to do. Not just some minor adjustments.
I've been listening to a book called Nudge, and it has given me some insights into this whole weight-loss thing. (It's not a book about weight loss, I hasten to add.) And it has revived within me the idea of how important keeping track of my progress--or lack thereof--on this blog is for me. I have always felt a bit chagrinned about doing it. For one thing, because it's embarrassing to admit that you're fat, and for another thing because it's even more embarrassing to admit that you've fucked up (repeatedly). And sometimes I tell myself that it's just weirdly egotistical to write about this stuff. But you know what? Fuck that. The tally numbers indicate that a fair number of people are reading these FAT entries, and I think that must mean that somebody is getting something out of my writing on it. Hopefully inspiration instead of amusement, but hey, it is what it is. And beyond that, if somebody doesn't want to read this shit or thinks that it's fucked up that I am continuing to write about it, they don't really have to read it. And the biggest thing, of course, is that it obviously helps me. When I was being steadfast about keeping track, I was losing weight. When I stopped, I gained 20 pounds.
So let's go.
Breakfast: coffee 20c, toast* 140c, egg 90c, 16 oz water
= 250c, 16 oz water
* As for that toast . . . . The other day a friend asked me what I ate for breakfast and lunch. When I told her I usually had toast and eggs for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch, she said, incredulously, "So you have FOUR pieces of bread per day?" I thought that was kind of funny. So many people get wrapped up in counting carbohydrates as so many this and so many that. And it just doesn't matter, you know? If you eat 1,780 calories a day (actually my "research" tells me that that was low for me, and that I could eat more and still lose weight--details as they happen) when you're 260 lbs, you will lose weight. You can eat 1,780 calories of bread, or 1,780 calories of Twinkies, or 1,780 calories of chocolate, for that matter. Now, your nutritional needs are not going to be well met in some of those cases, but it's calories in, not what type of food. Maybe I'm wrong . . . but my experience does not indicate that. So if you like bread, eat some fucking bread, man.
Exercise: Needed to go early today since Jacqueline and I are going to a concert tonight, so I decided to hit it before lunch. Did almost a complete HW set--
Stretching
Push-ups / Plank / Ab Stretches
25 / 1:12 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 25
-- / ---- / --
Schwinn
15:04 / 336 / 66
30 lat raises and 30 supine French curls with 15 lb dbs / 30 bench press w/ 20 lb dbs
15:04 / 337 / 66
35 bp w/ 20 lb dbs
15:04 / 331 / 65
35 bp w/ 20 lb dbs
17:04 / 392 / 66
for a total of 1396, which ain't bad at all.
And after I'd finished I did a post exercise weigh in and it was 198.2. So that's how you lose 4 1/2 pounds, right? Well, not for real for real. In fact, just to see what I could see, I drank 16 ounces of water and weighted myself again, and this time it was 199 lbs. So that's how you gain a pound in three minutes. (Just in case you ever need to do that.)
I also took some pictures of What I Look Like Today, because (1) I needed to assure myself that while I do want to knock this weight back to 180 as soon as possible, I don't look terrible right now and (2) I do need to lose some fat that I've recently found. And just in case you're wondering, yes, this is embarrassing.
Yep, there's definitely a little extra belly there. And with that in mind . . . .
Lunch: 16 oz water, coffee 10c, granola bar 170c, 3 oz ham 123c, bread 57c = 360c
610c, 32 oz water
Speaking of water . . . I am pretty sure that when I don't drink 64 oz of water in a day that (1) I eat more, (2) I feel at least a little shitty, and (3) I push myself another half of a step towards another kidney stone . . . which I haven't had to deal with for a long time, and would really like to avoid in my future. So as long as I'm back to counting my shit, I am going to try to keep track of my water intake, too.
Dinner: chicken (baked, skinless) 440c, vegetable mix 90c, Texas Toast 170c, 16 oz water = 700c
16 oz water, pretzels 110c, 16 oz water, crackers 200c, yogurt 70c, pretzels 55c = 435c
Total: 1745 calories and a whopping 80 ounces of water! WIN!
Year 2, Week Thirteen: Wednesday, 5/16/2018
Good "first" day yesterday. Now let's keep that streak going, boys! I feel compelled to mention that I also went to a concert last night (with Jacqueline, my favorite traveling companion) so I think I should get a little extra credit for not over-indulging on that kind of a day. Just sayin', sir.
Woke up and got on the scale and saw
and felt disappointment well up in me for a moment, then the last of the sleep cleared away and I realized that this was 3.2 lbs less than yesterday's wake up weight, and I felt a little better about it. Still of course not happy, since I want to see 180 on that display as soon as possible . . . even though I haven't seen that number (other than a sporadic post-exercise weight a little ways back) since, oh, I don't know, probably the 70s. But hey, ya gotta have hopes, so they might as well be high ones, right?
Onward.
Breakfast: soft boiled eggs 138c, crackers 72c, coffee 20c
= 230c
Exercise: took a real bike ride . . . about five miles, though I can't tell for sure as my fuckin' pedometer doesn't come close to recording the correct distance. (I tested it out on a one mile circle in the neighborhood and it said I had traveled one-third of a mile. So I'm probably low-balling it here to say five miles, but I know it was at least that, so good enough.) Which should have burned about 300 calories or so.
Lunch: banana 105c, granola bar 170c, crackers 200c, coffee 10c, water 16 oz
= 485c, 16 oz water
715c, 16 oz water
More Better Exercise:
Stretching
Push-ups / Plank / Ab Stretches
25 / 1:12 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 26
Schwinn
15:04 / 328 / 65
20 lb db cycle: 20 curl / rowing / shoulder roll / press / toe raises
15:04 / 319 / 64
15 lb db 20 rep cycle: curl / press / toe raises / rowing / twists
15:04 / 318 / 64
15 lb db 15 / 10 / 5 rep cycles: curl / press / toe raises / rowing / twists
17:02 / 365 / 64
1330 total--not great, but not terrible . . . and I was TIRED, man.
Concentration curls with 15 lb dbs 15 / 15 / 15
And you know what that means, don't you? A 100% complete LW performance. Wasn't easy, and I had to take a few breathers along the way, but I am feeling good about hitting it on the head.
Also, because I was a bit peaked today, I drank water whilst exercising . . . most of 16 ounces of water, actually . . . but my post exercise weight was still . . .
Dinner: ham 123c, 3 crab cakes 540c, vegetable mix 100c, bread 140c, 16 oz water, pretzels 110c, yogurt 70c, granola bar 170c, 16 oz water = 1363c
Which puts today's total (so far . . . I am pretty sure I'm going to be eating something else before I call it a night) at what would seem to be an unacceptable 2,078 calories for the day. But you know what? My pedometer says that I have burned 907 calories today, which puts things into a whole different light. So I will stick to my original conception and not label today a WIN, but I don't feel that it was by any means a loss. The proof is in the pudding, and my pudding weights 196.4 pounds today. (Or it did before I ate all those crab cakes and that other shit.)
And I did. Cereal 280c, chips 300c, orangesicle 100c, 16 oz water . . . which puts me at an all day total of 2,758 (not to mention 64 ounces of water, huzzah). Which is about 1,000 more than I was hoping for. But . . . 900 calories (actually more) burned exercising puts me at a net of 1,858, which is pretty close to the ballpark. Also, I read some stuff which indicates that my target of 1,800 is actually pretty fuckin' low for a feller of my size. In fact, I found one chart that said my daily caloric needs are 3,022 kcal. Holy shit! And another which said that I need 2,696 calories a day to maintain my weight, and 2,196 per day would let me lose 1 lb per week. Well, I'm a stubborn guy, so I'm still going to aim for the 1,800 a day . . . but I'm also not going to get all batshit if I don't make it--as long as I keep my eye on the net as well. I also would like to (literally . . . and I mean that literally) trust my gut. Like yesterday my gut was saying, Feed me, Motherfucker! Not in an I Want to East Mass Quantities way, but in a I Need More Calories way. Hard to distinguish the difference sometimes. Easy to other times.
Year 2, Week Thirteen: Thursday, 5/17/2018
Wake-Up Weight:
Less good than I was hoping for, but we'll see how it looks later today, eh?
Breakfast: toast 140c, egg 90c, coffee 20c
= 250c
16 oz water
Granola bar 170c
420c, 16 oz water
Stretching
Push-ups / Plank / Ab Stretches
25 / 1:12 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 26
20 / 1:02 / 26
Schwinn
15:04 / 338 / 66
15 lb dbs 30 lat raises / 30 supine French curls
20 lb dbs 30 bench presses
15:04 / 350 / 67
20 lb db 35 bench press
Big Break while I went to pick the kids up. You'd think that would make the last 32 minutes easier . . .
15:04 / 324 / 64
20 lb db 35 bench press
17:04 / 391 / 66
1403
. . . but au contraire, it was much harder. Good numbers, though.
Dinner: fish 330c, vegetable mix 60c, 16 oz water, 110c pretzels, said 150c, chips and dip 210c = 860c, 16 oz water
After dinner I took the kids to Ahrens 2018 Graduation, and there were all kinds of good cookies and crackers and cheeses and punch . . . and I didn't have a thing. But when I got home I did enjoy
soup 200c, banana 105c, 16 oz water
1165c, 32 oz water
For a total of 1,585c and 64 ounces of water. Hmm. 215 calories under 1,800 for the day?
Maybe a drink? Maybe a snack? Decisions, decisions.
Bran cereal and milk (150c) and some pretzels (55c) won out. And that puts the day's total at a very respectable 1,790 calories. And according to my pedometer, I burned 720 of those, so woo hoo.
Year 2, Week Thirteen: Friday, 5/18/2018
⏰Up Weight:
Breakfast: coffee 20c, banana 105c, toast 70c, egg 90c, 16 oz water = 195c
Exercise: 3 mile walk in the park with Pat.
Lunch: 16 oz water, kale and spinach dip 90c, chips 150c, granola 170c, pretzels 110c = 520c
715c, 32 oz water
Dinner: vegetable mix 60c, rice 180c, beef . . . well, actually it was a kind of rough day, and before I hit the beef I hit some whiskey . . . and continued to hit it . . . and the predictable happened. So I know I ate a lot of shit, but I don't know how much. So a wash out. Although I did feel a lot better about life after the 8th shot. I know that I am not going to be very happy when I hit that wake-up weight tomorrow morning, but sometimes you got to do what you got to do, am I right?
Year 2, Week Thirteen: Saturay, 5/19/2018
⏰Up Weight:
And that, my friends, is how you wipe out a week's worth of work in one evening.
But I have to say (1) it's not like I didn't expect there to be consequences and (2) it was totally worth it. Just sayin', sir. Oh, and (3) if you lived with two autistic adult children, you'd find occasion to drink, too. It's not all buttercups and roses.
Breakfast: eggs 180c, toast 70c, 16 oz water, coffee 20c
= 270c
Exercise: 3 mile walk.
More Better Exercise:
stretching + full push-ups/plank/ab stretches cycles (4)
Schwinn:
Year 2, Week Eleven: Tuesday, 5/1/2018
Y’know . . . I have to get back to the calories tracking, I know that. But I have been struggling so much to get back to the full exercise routine that I decided that I’m just going to forget about the strict diet for now and focus on that. It won’t get me to where I want to go, but allowing myself to indulge dietarialy will give me a little more incentive to get back up to speed on exercise, and I feel that that is my priority right now. If I fuck up and don’t get back up to speed in two to three weeks I’ll re-think it. And if I do get back up to speed on exercise, then I’ll shift my focus to the diet. Okay? Okay.
Exercise: all warm-ups, three sets of push-ups / plank / ab stretches; 62 Schwinn minutes (for a quite respectable “-1362 calories), full round on 20lb dumbbells, 20 rep set of 15 lb dumbbells
Not great, but not bad, either. Getting known.
Year 2, Week Eleven: Saturday, 5/5/2018
I've got some catching up to do, as I have information for some of the "missing" days, but for now, here's today:
Exercise: 62 Schwinn minutes with full HW and stretching, but just one set of push-ups, plank, and ab stretches. Post Exercise Weight of 198.2.
Year 2, Week Eleven: Sunday, 5/6/2018
All stretching, 25/1:12/25 and 20/1:02/25 push-ups/plank/ab stretches
Schwinn 361 / 68, 345 / 66, 332 / 65, 361 / 64
Full set of LWs
Year 2, Week Eleven: Monday, 5/7/2018
All stretching, 25/1:12/25 and 20/1:02/25 push-ups/plank/ab stretches + 25 more ab stretches
Schwinn 309/63, 334/65, 324/64, 171+186/67
A couple of tough days, but I got with it and have almost worked my way back up to full steam. Woo-hoo. Threw away the records for "the missing days," but what the fuck, ya know? I exercised most of the days that I didn't record, so it's all good.
Year 2, Week Twelve: Monday, 5/14/2018
The funny thing about hitting the wall is that you don't just hit it and rebound. Or at least I don't. I just kind of keep bouncing up against it. It's like being caught in a tide that just keeps smashing you against the barrier util there's not much left of you. But there's that moment when you're pulled away and you think, "Now I've made it, I'm free!" And then BASH. Again. And again. Etcetera.
So Week Twelve wasn't the total wash-out that you'd think from the lack of information. But it was probably one of my worst weeks. Part of the problem was I cut my grass one day and cut my sister's grass another day, and both times I was just washed out and didn't feel like doing anything more. And I went on a pretty long walk another day and decided that that was all I needed on that score.
But I made yet another commitment to get back on this rickety ass horse, so today I did an abbreviated work out: stretching, 25 push-ups, 1:12 plank, 25 ab stretches, 30 Schwinn minutes (344 + 354 = 698, which is pretty good, actually), and the 20 lb dumbbell cycle. I'm pretty sure I could have done the rest of the Schwinn without much trouble--I was feeling that relief that I get when I've missed a day, as the higher speed shows--but I was looking ahead to Tuesday, as I knew I'd have to exercise early (concert to go to), and I thought my best chance of getting a full session in would be to curtail it tonight.
Year 2, Week Thirteen: Tuesday, 5/15/2018
Year 2, Week Twelve: Monday, 5/14/2018
The funny thing about hitting the wall is that you don't just hit it and rebound. Or at least I don't. I just kind of keep bouncing up against it. It's like being caught in a tide that just keeps smashing you against the barrier util there's not much left of you. But there's that moment when you're pulled away and you think, "Now I've made it, I'm free!" And then BASH. Again. And again. Etcetera.
So Week Twelve wasn't the total wash-out that you'd think from the lack of information. But it was probably one of my worst weeks. Part of the problem was I cut my grass one day and cut my sister's grass another day, and both times I was just washed out and didn't feel like doing anything more. And I went on a pretty long walk another day and decided that that was all I needed on that score.
But I made yet another commitment to get back on this rickety ass horse, so today I did an abbreviated work out: stretching, 25 push-ups, 1:12 plank, 25 ab stretches, 30 Schwinn minutes (344 + 354 = 698, which is pretty good, actually), and the 20 lb dumbbell cycle. I'm pretty sure I could have done the rest of the Schwinn without much trouble--I was feeling that relief that I get when I've missed a day, as the higher speed shows--but I was looking ahead to Tuesday, as I knew I'd have to exercise early (concert to go to), and I thought my best chance of getting a full session in would be to curtail it tonight.
Year 2, Week Thirteen: Tuesday, 5/15/2018
Wake-Up Weight:
Now, I do feel compelled to say that I drank a lot last night--8 1/2 shots of Brown Sugar Whiskey. And ate some extra junk, for sure. So I think that's at least five pounds higher than it "should" be. But the fat's a fact, and I'm going to deal with it as is. This means that I'm about 18 pounds over my best weight, and 23 pounds over what was my ideal goal (way back when). So I have a lot of work to do. Not just some minor adjustments.
I've been listening to a book called Nudge, and it has given me some insights into this whole weight-loss thing. (It's not a book about weight loss, I hasten to add.) And it has revived within me the idea of how important keeping track of my progress--or lack thereof--on this blog is for me. I have always felt a bit chagrinned about doing it. For one thing, because it's embarrassing to admit that you're fat, and for another thing because it's even more embarrassing to admit that you've fucked up (repeatedly). And sometimes I tell myself that it's just weirdly egotistical to write about this stuff. But you know what? Fuck that. The tally numbers indicate that a fair number of people are reading these FAT entries, and I think that must mean that somebody is getting something out of my writing on it. Hopefully inspiration instead of amusement, but hey, it is what it is. And beyond that, if somebody doesn't want to read this shit or thinks that it's fucked up that I am continuing to write about it, they don't really have to read it. And the biggest thing, of course, is that it obviously helps me. When I was being steadfast about keeping track, I was losing weight. When I stopped, I gained 20 pounds.
So let's go.
Breakfast: coffee 20c, toast* 140c, egg 90c, 16 oz water
= 250c, 16 oz water
* As for that toast . . . . The other day a friend asked me what I ate for breakfast and lunch. When I told her I usually had toast and eggs for breakfast and a sandwich for lunch, she said, incredulously, "So you have FOUR pieces of bread per day?" I thought that was kind of funny. So many people get wrapped up in counting carbohydrates as so many this and so many that. And it just doesn't matter, you know? If you eat 1,780 calories a day (actually my "research" tells me that that was low for me, and that I could eat more and still lose weight--details as they happen) when you're 260 lbs, you will lose weight. You can eat 1,780 calories of bread, or 1,780 calories of Twinkies, or 1,780 calories of chocolate, for that matter. Now, your nutritional needs are not going to be well met in some of those cases, but it's calories in, not what type of food. Maybe I'm wrong . . . but my experience does not indicate that. So if you like bread, eat some fucking bread, man.
Exercise: Needed to go early today since Jacqueline and I are going to a concert tonight, so I decided to hit it before lunch. Did almost a complete HW set--
Stretching
Push-ups / Plank / Ab Stretches
25 / 1:12 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 25
-- / ---- / --
Schwinn
15:04 / 336 / 66
30 lat raises and 30 supine French curls with 15 lb dbs / 30 bench press w/ 20 lb dbs
15:04 / 337 / 66
35 bp w/ 20 lb dbs
15:04 / 331 / 65
35 bp w/ 20 lb dbs
17:04 / 392 / 66
for a total of 1396, which ain't bad at all.
And after I'd finished I did a post exercise weigh in and it was 198.2. So that's how you lose 4 1/2 pounds, right? Well, not for real for real. In fact, just to see what I could see, I drank 16 ounces of water and weighted myself again, and this time it was 199 lbs. So that's how you gain a pound in three minutes. (Just in case you ever need to do that.)
I also took some pictures of What I Look Like Today, because (1) I needed to assure myself that while I do want to knock this weight back to 180 as soon as possible, I don't look terrible right now and (2) I do need to lose some fat that I've recently found. And just in case you're wondering, yes, this is embarrassing.
Yep, there's definitely a little extra belly there. And with that in mind . . . .
Lunch: 16 oz water, coffee 10c, granola bar 170c, 3 oz ham 123c, bread 57c = 360c
610c, 32 oz water
Speaking of water . . . I am pretty sure that when I don't drink 64 oz of water in a day that (1) I eat more, (2) I feel at least a little shitty, and (3) I push myself another half of a step towards another kidney stone . . . which I haven't had to deal with for a long time, and would really like to avoid in my future. So as long as I'm back to counting my shit, I am going to try to keep track of my water intake, too.
Dinner: chicken (baked, skinless) 440c, vegetable mix 90c, Texas Toast 170c, 16 oz water = 700c
16 oz water, pretzels 110c, 16 oz water, crackers 200c, yogurt 70c, pretzels 55c = 435c
Total: 1745 calories and a whopping 80 ounces of water! WIN!
Year 2, Week Thirteen: Wednesday, 5/16/2018
Woke up and got on the scale and saw
Onward.
Breakfast: soft boiled eggs 138c, crackers 72c, coffee 20c
= 230c
Exercise: took a real bike ride . . . about five miles, though I can't tell for sure as my fuckin' pedometer doesn't come close to recording the correct distance. (I tested it out on a one mile circle in the neighborhood and it said I had traveled one-third of a mile. So I'm probably low-balling it here to say five miles, but I know it was at least that, so good enough.) Which should have burned about 300 calories or so.
Lunch: banana 105c, granola bar 170c, crackers 200c, coffee 10c, water 16 oz
= 485c, 16 oz water
715c, 16 oz water
More Better Exercise:
Stretching
Push-ups / Plank / Ab Stretches
25 / 1:12 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 26
Schwinn
15:04 / 328 / 65
20 lb db cycle: 20 curl / rowing / shoulder roll / press / toe raises
15:04 / 319 / 64
15 lb db 20 rep cycle: curl / press / toe raises / rowing / twists
15:04 / 318 / 64
15 lb db 15 / 10 / 5 rep cycles: curl / press / toe raises / rowing / twists
17:02 / 365 / 64
1330 total--not great, but not terrible . . . and I was TIRED, man.
Concentration curls with 15 lb dbs 15 / 15 / 15
And you know what that means, don't you? A 100% complete LW performance. Wasn't easy, and I had to take a few breathers along the way, but I am feeling good about hitting it on the head.
Also, because I was a bit peaked today, I drank water whilst exercising . . . most of 16 ounces of water, actually . . . but my post exercise weight was still . . .
. . . and I have to say that I feel pretty good about that. Still got a ways to go, obviously, but it really helps to see a sign of progress as this early date. 6 1/2 pounds in two days? How do you like them apples, Marie?
pretzels 110c, 16 oz water
Dinner: ham 123c, 3 crab cakes 540c, vegetable mix 100c, bread 140c, 16 oz water, pretzels 110c, yogurt 70c, granola bar 170c, 16 oz water = 1363c
Which puts today's total (so far . . . I am pretty sure I'm going to be eating something else before I call it a night) at what would seem to be an unacceptable 2,078 calories for the day. But you know what? My pedometer says that I have burned 907 calories today, which puts things into a whole different light. So I will stick to my original conception and not label today a WIN, but I don't feel that it was by any means a loss. The proof is in the pudding, and my pudding weights 196.4 pounds today. (Or it did before I ate all those crab cakes and that other shit.)
And I did. Cereal 280c, chips 300c, orangesicle 100c, 16 oz water . . . which puts me at an all day total of 2,758 (not to mention 64 ounces of water, huzzah). Which is about 1,000 more than I was hoping for. But . . . 900 calories (actually more) burned exercising puts me at a net of 1,858, which is pretty close to the ballpark. Also, I read some stuff which indicates that my target of 1,800 is actually pretty fuckin' low for a feller of my size. In fact, I found one chart that said my daily caloric needs are 3,022 kcal. Holy shit! And another which said that I need 2,696 calories a day to maintain my weight, and 2,196 per day would let me lose 1 lb per week. Well, I'm a stubborn guy, so I'm still going to aim for the 1,800 a day . . . but I'm also not going to get all batshit if I don't make it--as long as I keep my eye on the net as well. I also would like to (literally . . . and I mean that literally) trust my gut. Like yesterday my gut was saying, Feed me, Motherfucker! Not in an I Want to East Mass Quantities way, but in a I Need More Calories way. Hard to distinguish the difference sometimes. Easy to other times.
Year 2, Week Thirteen: Thursday, 5/17/2018
Less good than I was hoping for, but we'll see how it looks later today, eh?
Breakfast: toast 140c, egg 90c, coffee 20c
= 250c
16 oz water
Granola bar 170c
420c, 16 oz water
Stretching
Push-ups / Plank / Ab Stretches
25 / 1:12 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 25
20 / 1:02 / 26
20 / 1:02 / 26
Schwinn
15:04 / 338 / 66
15 lb dbs 30 lat raises / 30 supine French curls
20 lb dbs 30 bench presses
15:04 / 350 / 67
20 lb db 35 bench press
Big Break while I went to pick the kids up. You'd think that would make the last 32 minutes easier . . .
15:04 / 324 / 64
20 lb db 35 bench press
17:04 / 391 / 66
1403
. . . but au contraire, it was much harder. Good numbers, though.
Dinner: fish 330c, vegetable mix 60c, 16 oz water, 110c pretzels, said 150c, chips and dip 210c = 860c, 16 oz water
After dinner I took the kids to Ahrens 2018 Graduation, and there were all kinds of good cookies and crackers and cheeses and punch . . . and I didn't have a thing. But when I got home I did enjoy
soup 200c, banana 105c, 16 oz water
1165c, 32 oz water
For a total of 1,585c and 64 ounces of water. Hmm. 215 calories under 1,800 for the day?
Maybe a drink? Maybe a snack? Decisions, decisions.
Bran cereal and milk (150c) and some pretzels (55c) won out. And that puts the day's total at a very respectable 1,790 calories. And according to my pedometer, I burned 720 of those, so woo hoo.
Year 2, Week Thirteen: Friday, 5/18/2018
Breakfast: coffee 20c, banana 105c, toast 70c, egg 90c, 16 oz water = 195c
Exercise: 3 mile walk in the park with Pat.
Lunch: 16 oz water, kale and spinach dip 90c, chips 150c, granola 170c, pretzels 110c = 520c
715c, 32 oz water
Dinner: vegetable mix 60c, rice 180c, beef . . . well, actually it was a kind of rough day, and before I hit the beef I hit some whiskey . . . and continued to hit it . . . and the predictable happened. So I know I ate a lot of shit, but I don't know how much. So a wash out. Although I did feel a lot better about life after the 8th shot. I know that I am not going to be very happy when I hit that wake-up weight tomorrow morning, but sometimes you got to do what you got to do, am I right?
Year 2, Week Thirteen: Saturay, 5/19/2018
And that, my friends, is how you wipe out a week's worth of work in one evening.
But I have to say (1) it's not like I didn't expect there to be consequences and (2) it was totally worth it. Just sayin', sir. Oh, and (3) if you lived with two autistic adult children, you'd find occasion to drink, too. It's not all buttercups and roses.
Breakfast: eggs 180c, toast 70c, 16 oz water, coffee 20c
= 270c
Exercise: 3 mile walk.
More Better Exercise:
stretching + full push-ups/plank/ab stretches cycles (4)
Schwinn:
No comments:
Post a Comment