SloRide Cinema EPISODE ONE: In Which I Realize That While It Seems Ridiculous to Ride a Stationary Bike Several Hours a Day, It is Perfectly Acceptable to Watch a Two Hour Movie Every Day (or Two Hours's Worth of Television, Etc.), & Thus Decide to Attempt to Make SloRide Cinema a Part of My Everyday Life.

As with so many things--at least for me--it wasn't something I planned to do. I'd checked Sólo con tu pareja (1991) out from the library 1  , hadn't gotten around to watching it, and it was due today--no renewals available. So I wanted to check that out. And I wanted to make sure that I got my stationary biking for the day in in the morning 2 , but I also had a trumpet lesson at noon, so something had to give. Picnic, Lightning. I put the movie in and decided to make today's stationary bike a SloRide session. Just to see how that went. 

Whatever prompted me to watch this movie wasted my time, though, because it was a truly terrible piece of shit. The boiled down version: a comedy about a womanizer who is tricked by a disappointed conquest into thinking that he has AIDS, and so attempts to commit suicide. Mmm-hmm. And it's most definitely NOT a satiric, socially relevant kind of thing. It's just a cheap, tawdry, insensitive, and stupid bit of movie making. 

Here's just one example: Tomás  the lead character, is in a bar entertaining some Japanese guys (about whom he has previously made racist remarks, by the way), when he starts to talk about how he loves women. Except that he calls them "broads." (Of course.) And then he says this:

"And you know what? I`ve been a real fuckhead to all of them."

And there may be some iota of regret there, but there's also a heaping helping of pride. Mmm-hmm.

Here's hoping that I have better luck with my movie choice for SloRide Cinema EPISODE TWO. 

(Coming Soon to a Blog Near You!)



1 I don't remember what made me want to see this movie. Definitely not the director--who is also responsible for (amongst others, but these are the ones I've seen at least a bit of)--

Gravity (2013) 

Children of Men (2006)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

Y Tu Mamá También (2001)

Great Expectations (1998)

A Little Princess (1995)

And I don't much like any of those movies, and actively dislike two of them. Hmm? Oh--Children of Men and Y Tu Mamá También. Especially the latter, which I think is a complete piece of brain rotting shit. But that's just me, I'm sure. I know a lot of people like it. 50% of my ex-wives, for example.

I thought it was probably for one of the pretty girls the movie features, but I looked up the filmographies for the suspects on that front--Claudia Ramírez, Dobrina Cristeva, Isabel Benet and Claudia Fernández 3 --and none of them looked familiar, so I guess that wasn't it, either.

2 Because I really enjoyed drinking those Not Your Father's Vanilla Cream Ales last night, and have been thinking about drinking 2 or 3 or maybe possibly 4 of them tonight, so that means I really need to get the exercising out of the way early, y'know?

3 And re: Ms. Fernández, let me just say HOLY SHIT! A Google Image Search there will definitely add happiness to your life, boys. Or girls who like girls. Etc. (Life has gotten much more complicated lately.)