Of course I realize that, for the most part, no one cares what I think about this, that, or the other. (Especially not the other.) And there's no reason that they should. So while it sometimes disappoints me when I write something and then see that virtually no hits have been recorded for that post, I have to keep in mind that I am nobody, I live nowhere, and my thoughts are as ephemeral as farts on a blustery day. Which makes me wonder why I keep on at it. Of course, there are those odd times when a post gets a whole lot of hits...but that doesn't seem to be related to the quality of the post or the time I've spent on it, so that doesn't even begin to balance things out. And I have taken the blog down a few times, have stopped writing for awhile, have decided that I will only write about books and movies, etc. But I always come crawling back...like Estragon to Vladimir.
And I have to confess that there's a part of me that's hoping to get 1 million hits before I die. (64% of the way there!)
Part of it is that by publishing (or "publishing," if you prefer) something, there is at least the chance that someone will happen upon it. That's what prompted me to put some things up on Amazon Kindle...although it doesn't look like it worked out so well there. But hey, the great thing about chance is that it is always there. No matter what has happened before this moment, chance says that the next moment could bring something completely different.
But it's more than that, too. Take weight loss, for instance. I'm still doing pretty well there, thanks for asking, but not as well as I was when I was putting up my perniciously intimate data every day. The thought that I was making my private struggle public really helped me to bear down hard on that shit. Since I stopped putting up that data, I've let things slide a bit. So there's the accountability thing. I'm old school: I still believe that a man is as good as his word.
But I think the biggest part of it is that thoughts just fester inside of my head. If I don't get them out, I become very obsessive. Like with music. When I get an idea for a song, it gets into my head and goes on a pretty constant loop until I scoop it out. And getting it out usually means I have to record not only the basic tune, but all of the instrumentation that goes with it. The song will keep playing until whatever part of my brain birthed it is satisfied that it's finished.
It's kind of annoying. But it has convinced me that in my next life I will dedicate myself to being a musician, even if I end up starving to death.
If I live long enough, I might even have a shot at it in this life...though I don't think there's a really big demand for 60-something aged performers.
But hey, there's always a chance, right?
ANYway...this thought was festering in my head, so I scooped it out and put it here.
Ahh. Now on to the next thing.
P.S. I have been experimenting with Twitter to see if it could be of use in getting more readers here. Mixed results, so I thought I'd just go for the Pants Down approach and made this appeal:
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