Samuel Barber, Adagio for Strings from String Quartet, Opus 11

I'm sorry to say that I had not heard of Samuel Barber until a few days ago when I heard a beautiful piece of music on the radio and checked the little screen 1 to see what it was. Adagio for Strings, Op. 11. Samuel Barber. I knew I wouldn't remember it, so I grabbed my little notepad and put it on my knee, got my pen, and wrote the information down without taking my eyes off of the road. And wonder of wonders, it was actually decipherable when I made it back home and went hunting for it. And listened to it from the start. Ah. I was right there with Romeo espying Juliet for the first time:  I never saw heard true beauty before tonight.” I listened to it several more times in succession. Such an amazing piece. It's the music I imagine playing when a soul ascends to heaven. So ethereal, so pure. And the faces of the musicians as they are playing . . . you can see how intense this is for them, too. They aren't even on the planet while they're playing this music.

And I haven't been posting links or doing embeds since Blog Resurrection awhile back, but in this case the video is posted by the Detroit Symphony Orchestra (which is performing the piece) and they included an embed code, so this is totally on them:



Is that amazing, or what? Makes me want to hear more of this Samuel Barber fellow. Which is what I am going to do now.


1 Speaking of . . . when did this become a thing? Sure comes in handy. Now if only there were a way to rewind what the radio plays, like you can with a dvr . . . . 

Thank You For Not Being An Asshole

I was getting a dose of CNN yesterday when I happened upon the familiar face of Kayley McEnany. I have seen & heard Ms. McEnany on several occasions, and have never found her views anything less than annoying, and usually downright offensive. This time around she was facing off against Amanda Carpenter, who had written an article for Cosmopolitan entitled "Ivanka Trump's White House Gig Is an Insult to Working Women," and subtitled "There's a word for this: nepotism." 1  

This should have been a slam dunk for me, since (1) I despise President Trump and think that he is so crooked that he makes Richard Nixon look like a candidate for sainthood, (2) I don't think there is a single person in the Trump administration who deserves the job s/he has been given, and (3) I am outraged at the way rich people throw their weight around. 

However . . . 

As Ms. McEnany began to speak, Ms. Carpenter immediately began to interrupt her, began making hideous faces and chortling, and was just so downright rude that it made me dislike her immensely. And Ms. McEnany remained poised, repeatedly asked Carpenter to allow her to speak, and overall conducted herself like a civilized person.

I still agree with Carpenter's point and do not believe that Ivanka Trump has any business in The White House. But I was convinced of that before I even knew there was an argument. Imagine someone who was not sure what s/he thought about the issue. The demeanor of Ms. Carpenter could very well sway that person to Ms. McEnan'sy perspective.

And that's just a damned shame. Time for some civility, Liberals (& Radicals, etc.). You don't win a battle by out assholing your opponent.

For fuck's sake.




1 If you need to, you can read it online as cosmopolitan.com. 

攻殻機動隊 (Scarlett Johansson Version)

They had me at Scarlett Johansson in a silicone suit, which I would gladly have paid many $ to sit and watch for two hours, but it looks like in addition to putting a big old pile of wood on my libido's fire,  Ghost in the Shell will kick some big fat ass as well. And perhaps I am the last to know about this, but just in case I'm not, there's a thing called FILMSELECT out there in You Tub Territory which not only purports to but actually does deliver the first five minutes of the movie. And it looked most excellent. Have a look for yourself.

Also, Comixology has a sale going on RIGHT NOW wherein you can buy a Ghost in the Shell bundle which includes The Ghost in the Shell Vol. 1, The Ghost in the Shell Vol. 1.5 and The Ghost in the Shell Vol. 2 . . . 830 pages of comic book there . . . for a mere $29.99. That's a hella good deal, and when the sale is over the price goes up to $47-ish bucks. So act now!

Please Read Me, Oh Yeah, Like I Read You

So . . . just in case you want to lend a hand, and just in case you didn't already know this . . . if you read some pages from a book published on the Amazon Kindle platform, the writer gets credit for the pages you read. So even if you just look at the preview pages, it counts. Or if you are on Amazon Prime and you read something for free on the kindleunlimited thing. Guess you can see where this is going. Help a brother out? For free.

Thanks.

Jet uses her intelligence.

Tales of the Quintana Roo by James Tiptree, Jr.

Another hard to find and / or expensive Tiptree book. But at least there's a reason for this book to exist . . . and at least it is, in several ways, a special book (as Byte Beautiful most certainly was not).

As to the "special" aspect: (1) it was a limited edition publication--a mere 3,673 copies were published; (2) and that was the only American edition of the book--though there were two German printings in 2011 and 2012; (3) none of the three stories in this book appear in any of the other Tiptree books, and, so far as I can discern, appear nowhere else other than their original magazine publications (one in Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine and two in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction); (4) it has 28 black and white illustrations by one Glennray Tutor 1 --some full page, some smaller--and some decorative designs at the top of most of the pages . . . and a map; and (5) it has a sewn binding, which is always nice. 

And as for the Expensive and / or Hard to Find . . . I found copies on Amazon, AbeBooks, Alibris, Better World Books, Barnes & Noble, and eBay . . . but from a low of $38 to a high of $2,128.01 + $3.99 shipping. And most copies leaned towards north of $100.

And as for the stories?

Well, there are only three of them, which does make for a pretty slim book. There are 97 story pages . . . but many of them are not full pages. In fact, I don't think any of them are actually full pages, because the pages that don't have illustrations on them with the text have design elements which take up some space. So we're not talking Quantity here.

As for Quality . . . 

The first story, "What Came Ashore at Lirios," is a pretty interesting story of a conversation with a very strange person. I assume that this is non-fiction . . . but maybe not. There are no science fiction elements to the story, for sure. Although it might be a ghost story. It's not clear enough on that to be classified as a fantasy, though. This story takes up 40 of the 97 story pages in this book.

The second story is "The Boy Who Waterskied to Forever." Which is a pretty terrible title in my humble, and which doesn't have much to do with the story. Also, there's a brief aside in the story in which a story is told about a man raping a woman, and it's told as a "funny anecdote." Unfuckingbelievable. It really made me lose some respect for Tiptree.

The third story was a lot like the first one. Same format: main character meets a stranger who tells a spooky story. This spooky story was very heavy handed on the message side, though, which is always a bit off-putting. Unless the writer in Jonathan Edwards. And you, Mr. Tiptree sir, are no Jonathan Edwards.

So all in all . . . not a very good book at all. I'm not sorry to have read it, but I'm glad I didn't step in it.

Onward to better Tiptree books, I hope.





1 I feel compelled to confess that I did not find the scent of these drawings pleasing to my nostrils AT ALL.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Not Dead, They Are Merely Unemployed

Q: Is Steve Bannon the budget bin version of Dick Cheney?

A: Rhetorical! Fifteen - Love!

Byte Beautiful: Eight Science Fiction Stories by James Tiptree, Jr.

On AbeBooks, you can find a copy of Byte Beautiful from $28.42 with free shipping to $113.93 + $3.99 shipping. On Alibris it's $24.94 + $3.99 to $56.99+ $3.99. And on Amazon it's $24.95 + $3.99 to (take a breath here) $567.67+ $3.99. I shit thee not. (Nor wouldst I shit thee, for thou art . . . oh, nvr mnd.) You'd think that for $567.67 they could throw in free shipping. Cheap bastards. And get this: Barnes and Noble has a copy that lists for $2,000. Plus $3.99 shipping. Holy shit! That has got to be a joke, right?

ANYway . . . 

Byte Beautiful is not an easy or cheap book to acquire. Here's what really baffles me, though: it's only 177 pages long (plus an absolutely useless six page introduction by Michael Bishop), and it only contains 8 stories . . . and 7 of those stories appear in other Tiptree books which are readily available for cheap. As Negan would say, "What the fuckety fucking fuck is going on here?"

It's not a fancy book. It's not a well made book. It's just a book book. 

And the only story that isn't available in another Tiptree book, "Excursion Fare," is a mere 39 pages long.

So why does this book exist? I dunno. But I'm glad that I didn't have to pay to put my hands on it.

I managed to get a copy for free through interlibrary loan. (My copy hailed from Northern Kentucky University--

--and I am thankful for their largesse in making this book available to the world at large. 

And I am glad that I had a chance to read "Excursion Fare," since when I aim for complete I want complete complete . . . which is one of the reasons my Charles Willeford experience was a bit frustrating, as there were some books that just weren't to be had without spending the big bucks (which I don't have).

I was planning on just reading the one story, since I'd be hitting the others as I made my way through the Tiptree Canon, but I felt compelled to read the Introduction, just because it was there and nowhere else. And then I just went right into the first story, "With Delicate Mad Hands," which was disturbing enough to keep me reading along.  And then the next story was "Beam Us Home," which I had been reading in Ten Thousand Light Years From Home, but I hadn't finished it before switching over to Byte Beautiful, so I kept on going through that story as well. Seeing those first two stories side by side was not such a good experience, though. For one thing, they were so similar that I had to wonder why they both existed . . . and why anyone would put them in the same book . . . much less right next to each other. Both are stories about outsiders who are shunned by their fellows and who take to space in order to escape from humanity. Both are taken in by alien creatures. Both are happy that this happens to them. Also, and this is part of what was disturbing about the first story, both have insulting, animal names for prominent female characters. In "Mad Hands," the lead character is called Cold Pig. Consistently. And in "Beam" the lead character has a female friend who is called Dog. What the fuck, man? That is totally not cool.

I should probably have cut and run at this point, but I decided to go ahead and read the third story, "Love Is the Plan the Plan Is Death." I seem to have a very faint memory of having read this a long time ago, but I don't know if that's true or not. I think the only Tiptree book I read before this (proposed) marathon was Ten Thousand Light Years From Home, and this story isn't in that collection, it's in Warm Worlds and Otherwise. But the cover of that book looks familiar, so maybe I did have and read it once upon a time. Or maybe I read the story in a collection; it did win a Nebula Award, and I know I used to read things in those award anthologies. 

Before reading this one I took a deep breath and uttered this prayer: Please don't be about an abused outsider who either is or is friends with a woman who is referred to as some type of animal and who longs to go into outer space and does and is taken in by kindly aliens. The third time is NOT the charm in this case.

BTW, "Love Is the Plan the Plan Is Death" also appears in Tiptree's Her Smoke Rose Up Forever. Why would a writer put the same story in three different collections? Well, I guess Harlan Ellison would know about that. But at least he had more than eleven books in his stable.

And our survey says . . . "Plan" was not about an abused outsider etc. and there were no women referred to as animals. Although a female animal was the protagonist of the story. Which was about cannibalism and incest. And which had a large proportion of silliness. For example: "I keen my baby hum, Deet! Deet! Tikki-takka! Deet! hoping Mother will answer, crooning deep, Brum! Brrumm! Brumaloo-brum!" At risk of offending the skittish out there, I have to say that it surprised me that no one concluded that Tiptree was a woman after reading this story. There are certain types of silliness that it is unlikely a man would commit to paper, and the preceding quoted material is one of those types. Which is not to say that men don't have their own types of silliness. They certainly do. But there are differences. Anyway, this story was not my cup of tea. Not by a long shot. 

But I shook it off and turned to "The Man Who Walked Home." (Which is another story which appears in three of Tiptree's books.*)

And it was an amazing story. It made me more confident of the desirability of pursuing the Tiptree oeuvre--which was needed, as after the first three stories, doubt was starting to set in. 

The title of the fourth story did not seem promising to me: "Your Faces, O My Sisters! Your Faces Filled of Light!" That's not what I think of as a good title. But surprise! It was another excellent story. (It also appears in two other anthologies, by the way.)

Story number five was "The Peacefulness of Vivyan," and it was not nearly as good as the preceding two, but it wasn't bad. (It only appeared in one other collection.)

And then it was time for The Main Event: the novelette "Excursion Fare," which appeared in no other Tiptree collection . . . and which seems to have been previously published only in the Judy-Lynn del Rey edited Stellar 7 anthology from 1981. 

And . . . oh my. It was quite, quite good. No Tiptree fan should miss reading this story. Quick tip, though: you can pick up a used copy of Stellar 7 for $6 or $7, shipping included, so that would be a more economical way to go. Unless you live in my neighborhood, of course, in which case you can just come by and read my copy. For free, of course. 

And after that there was only one more story, "I'll Be Waiting for You When the Swimming Pool Is Empty," so of course OCD demanded that I go ahead and read that one . . . even though I'll be reading it in Ten Thousand Light Years From Home in a little while (once I finish off these interlibrary loan books, which I have for only a limited amount of time and without the opportunity to renew them). And . . . it was the worst story of all. The silliness factor was through the roof on this one, for one thing. For another, the cruelty factor was unfuckingbelievable: at least four mentions of murdering infants, and a flippant reference to The Holocaust. Plus quite a few bits that were demeaning to women. Sheesh. It really doesn't get much worse than this. I can't even imagine why this piece of shit was published, much less published 16 times (Protostars anthology 1971, in four different printings of Best Science Fiction Stories of the Year 1972-1974, five different printings of Ten Thousand Light-Years from Home 1973, the Byte Beautiful publication, and 5 translations). 

I really wish I had bailed out of the book before reading this last story. I was feeling really good about "Excursion Fare." Now . . . I feel like I need a mind shower, so I'm going to go read some William Gibson to get the taste of this out of my brain.






* Which made me check back on the first two stories, and I found that "Mad Hands" had also appeared in three Tiptree books; "Beam" only appeared in two. "Only.")

Ted Slampyak's Jazz Age Chronicles

I first happened upon Ted Slampyak's Jazz Age Chronicles when I was living in South Bend, Indiana in 1989. It was a magazine-sized comic book produced by  EF Graphics . . . a company which, so far as I can tell, produced only four comic books: the first three issues of Jazz Age Chronicles and one issue of Cat & Mouse). I hadn't quite hit my noir fascination age at that point, but something about that comic book caught my attention, and I was disappointed when I couldn't find any more issues after the second one. 

It took me years to catch up with that comic book . . . but I finally managed to get the rest of the story when I bought the two volumes collecting the whole nine issue she-bang in October 2013. Can't remember how much I paid for those two volumes . . . probably $15 apiece or so. And it was totally worth it. But the reason I mention it is because if you ACT NOW you have the opportunity to enrich your life with 167  + 119 = 286 pages of Jazz for a mere $3.99 + $3.99 = $7.98 from Comixology. One look at the preview pages ought to be enough to make that money leap from your pocket, but if you need more encouragement, take a look at the cover photo on Ted's Facebook page. It is super-fab.

These sales don't usually last long, though, so stop thinking about it and do it do it do it do it now.

And you might as well pick up some Little Orphan Annie while you're at it. (Ted S. did the art on that comic strip revival, and there are two volumes available on Comixology . . . $2.99 apiece. And worth it. I've got mine . . . and I paid more than $2.99 each for them and have no regerts.)

#2 Dream

More Songs About Love & Les Misérables

"To love, or to have loved--this suffices. Demand nothing more. There is no other pearl to be found in the shadowy folds of life. To love is a fulfilment."

Victor Hugo

Les Misérables

Truth in the Age of Trump

I have been amazed on a regular basis for the past year or so at how now President Trump could get away with saying things that were obviously not true. But he seems to have proven to be invulnerable not only to factual disputation, but also to self-contradiction. I'm not cynical enough to think that all of his followers . . . or, for that matter, even most of his followers . . . are idiots. So (to borrow a phrase from St. Roy's Gospel of The Naked Flame), "Where is it at to get to this?"

Well, today I went to A Reader's Corner bookstore, a lovely li'l place which is about 9 1/2 miles from my front door--which is about twice as far away as the farthest of the two Half-Price Books locations, so I'm sorry to say that I don't get to ARC very often. But as Jacqueline and I near the end of Les Misérables, I have found that I am not ready to let go of Victor Hugo, so I've been trying to convince her to read The Hunchback of Notre-Dame / Notre-dame de Paris. And for some reason I can't explain, I want to find a nice hardback, illustrated version of the book. I've been online doing reconnaissance, but it's hard to get the details from most of the descriptions, so I've made several runs to each of the Half-Price Books locations, hoping that something Hugo would turn up. Nada. So I made the long drive to A Reader's Corner.

Which did not have what I was looking for.

But since I was there . . . 

And I tried to resist temptation, I really did. But there was that two volume edition of The Poems of Dante Gabriel Rossetti: Volume I: The Blessed Damozel & Longer Poems, Volume II: The House Of Life & Shorter Poems . . . which was published in the early 1900s . . . and only cost $15 for both volumes . . . so that had to happen. And then there was a book of short stories by Eugène Ionesco, The Colonel's Photograph, and Other Stories, and (1) I didn't even know he had written any short stories and (2) there was a short story version of Rhinoceros--imposerous!--so of course I needed to read that. And then there was Them Jones's The Pugilist at Rest, and a book of saints by Sister Wendy that I had to buy for Jacqueline (yep, Saint Lucy was in there), and a cool book entitled Fakes: An Anthology of Pseudo-Interviews, Faux-Lectures, Quasi-Letters, "Found" Texts, and Other Fraudulent Artifacts which I had to look at . . . and I read something that not only made me laugh out loud, but made me bark like a Chihuahua . . . . And by then it was too late to be reasonable, so when I saw Metaphysical Aporia and Philosophical Heresy by Stephen David Ross, well I just had to have a look, didn't I? And I opened the book and read this:

"There is no difference in the way in which a belief is held that can distinguish it as true or false. Truth and error occupy the same terrain. Not only is the psychological criterion inadequate: it obscures the aporia that while assent is a form of emotion, truth is not, while there is no knowledge that is not truth assented to. Knowledge is ensured in aporia in a theory that requires that all knowledge originate in lived experience."

Wow. Is that some heavy shit or what?

And there it is, ennit? Because first and foremost, Trump does not have followers, he has believers. And assent is a form of emotion. So it's not really a question of an inability to discern the truth, it's just that it's not a matter of truth. Sorry for the invidious parallel, but it's like telling a Christian that the resurrection story can't be true, because human beings do not rise from the dead--never have, never will. 

So until people stop believing in Trump, he can pretty much do whatever the hell he wants to do and say whatever the hell he wants to say. Truth and Reality aren't even on the table.

The only hope I see is that at some point he will do something that will make his believers stop believing. 

We'll see.

Antarctic Press . . . Especially Rod Espinosa

I was looking over this week's releases on Comixology this morning and happened upon Antarctic Press's Steamship Enterprise #4. I'd not heard of this book previously, and although I haven't bought or read much in the Steampunk genre, I am interested in and attracted to it. 1 So I took a look at the preview available, and found it pretty interesting and well-drawn. It was also only 99¢ (only 15 pages, though), so what the hell, right? I put it into my basket. And then I looked at some other Antarctic Press books. Which is when I saw the cover of Steam Wars: Princess Legends. It was a pretty remarkable cover . . . especially the coloring. So I took a look inside. Yowza. Very nice. I checked to see on the artist was. Rod Espinosa. Ah, yes. I've run into Mr. Espinosa previously on The Courageous Princess and Neotopia, both of which have amazing artwork. (Reminds me quite a bit of Miyazaki's movie work.) And  SW:PL was only 99¢ (32 pages), so into the cart it went. And then I started looking at some of the other Antarctic Press books, and ended up with Steam Wars: First Empire #1 (99¢, 25 pages), Steam League #1 (99¢, 33 pages, but this one is black and white), Cadmus #1 ($1.99, 25 pages). The last of these had artwork by Sam Beck which looked a lot like Paul Pope's work to me . . . and I can't give a compliment much higher than that. I took a little look around to see what else he had done . . . and found out that he was a she, and that she also had a book from Necromancer Press entitled Songs for the Dead ($2.99, 36 pages) which looked brilliant. So, of course, into the cart it went. Sidebar: Looks like this is the only book Necromancer Press has put out at this point, and it came out November 9, 2016, so this crew needs some love if you have $3 to spare. And that's how I ended up buying $10 worth of very Indie comic books from Comixology this morning.

32+25+33+15+25+36 = 166 pages. For less than ten bucks. That's a pretty good bang buck. You'd have to spend over $20 to get that much comic books even at DC prices. ($30 at Marvel's.)

And you know, if not for Comixology, I probably wouldn't have even seen any of these titles. Every once in awhile I'll see an Antarctic Press book on the stands at The Great Escape . . . but not very often . . . and I'm sure that they only get one or two copies of any book they do put out. Hell, they were only putting out two or three copies of Usagi Yojimbo when I was still buying that title, and it had been going for over thirty years! Which, of course, is no reflection on TGE; they can't put out comics that people won't buy. 

It's sad, though. Antarctic Press has been in existence since 1984, and had put out some hella good titles: Box Office Poison, The Courageous Princess, Hepcats, Robotech, Strangers in Paradise and Warrior Nun Areala. And one of their titles, Gold Digger, just reached its 240th issue. There aren't too many comic books that can claim to have published that many issues. (Especially not as of now, wherein most comics re-start every couple of months. Sheesh.) Yet when I check Comichron (comichron.com) to see what kind of sales figures Antarctic was posting, not a single one of their titles showed up in the "top 380" comic books for February, 2017. And #380--Black Eyed Kids 11 from Aftershock Comics, sold only 2,027 copies, so that gives you some idea of where Antarctic Press stands. I also took a look at the sales figures for January 2017, wherein no AP titles appeared, and the lowest selling title was #392, Spirit Hunters 3 from Zenescope, which sold 1,940 copies. December 2016? No. November 2016? No. October 2016? No. September? No. August, July, June, May, April, March, February 2016? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And finally in January 2016 I found an Antarctic Press title. Not on the comic book sales list, though . . . it was on the trade paperback list. In January 2016, the Sherlock Holmes Steam Detective collection sold 289 copies. 

Oh.

And I found an online article which said that the lowest selling comic of September 2014  was Gold Digger #213 from Antarctic Press, which sold 1,680 copies. 

I don't know anything about the breakdown of wholesale to retail or royalties or production costs or any of that stuff, but I am going to guess that the retailer pays 50% of the cover cost of a comic book, which would mean that Gold Digger #213 grossed Antarctic Press about $2 per issue, for a grand total of $3,350. And if half of that money goes to production costs . . . just guessing here, and aiming to lowball it . . . then that would mean that the take home pay for the creative team would be $1,675. Since Gold Digger is a one man (Fred Perry) creative operation, maybe he gets to keep that whole egg . . . and if that was the only book he did per month (I don't know if that's true or not, but writing and drawing a comic book by yourself would take up quite a few days, for sure) then this would be a minimum wage rock and roll operation.

But now ahmo go read these books, cause it's still not a good deal if the books suck, right? Right.

News at 11:00.





1 In fact, I think I was reading Steampunk long before there was Steampunk. What else is Jules Verne or Richard A. Lupoff's Into the Aether? 

Pottery Self- Portrait by Jacqueline

"Important things, like pottery."

Letter to a Young Poet

December 11th, 2014

Two years, three months, and a dozen days or so ago as of this writing.

That's when I submitted "Tamas" to McSweeney's Quarterly Concern. A magazine which is quite friendly to nobody writers like me. Keep that in mind, Young Poet.

And last night this morning I got three emails from them.


#1: 10:05 pm

Hello,

My name is Kristina Kearns and I am writing you as the new Executive Director at McSweeney's.

I know it's been quite some time since you've received word from us about your Quarterly submission, and I want to apologize for that. Our staff is quite small and the Quarterly was on a long (too long!) hiatus.

I am excited to announce that we sent our 49th issue to press and subscribers will receive their copy in the next six weeks.

We'll also reopen our submissions very, very soon!

Please note that you will soon receive a rejection notice for your former submission. We highly encourage you to resubmit in April if you are still interested.

Please do expect a wait time of 4-6 weeks while we get back up to speed.

Thank you so much for your interest in McSweeney's! I hope to hear more from you soon.

With kind regards,


#2: 10:25 pm

Hello again,

Because so many have already asked, please allow me to clarify:

The impending rejection is merely an administrative necessity to re-open submissions and allow those still interested to submit again (or submit a newer piece) in April. It is in no way an indication of merit or interest in the piece. I do apologize if that was unclear.

Please feel free to ask more questions. We're deeply interested in reading your work!

Hope this helps,
Kristina


#3: 10:48 pm

Hello! Hopefully you've received two previous emails from our new Executive Director regarding this administrative-only rejection.

We are happy to announce that the Quarterly is back after a very long hiatus, and submissions will reopen in April.

Due to the extended period time since you've submitted, we are clearing the deck and encouraging you to submit this piece again (or another piece if you prefer).

Submission readings will begin in mid-April and it may take 4-6 weeks to receive a response. Our apologies in advance - we're only four people!

Ever yours,
the McSweeney's crew


Now, I realize it was stupid of me to think that the long wait was a good sign. (Although I did email somewhere around the one year mark to politely inquire about my manuscript, and received a response which was not negative.) But that's what I did. And hope did bloom in my nitrogen-starved heart's soil. So when I saw the address of the email last night, my first thought was that my manuscript had been accepted, and elation ran through me like an electric shock. For about one second. Then I opened the email and read message #1. And as if that didn't sting quite enough, a little later on came message #2. Talk about pouring salt into a wound. You'd think that someone at the helm of a literary magazine would be a little more skilled at using her words.

So fuck it. I was depressed enough after my novel A Matter of Reason didn't make the cut for the Sarabande Kentucky Writers contest. But this feels like the end of the line to me so far as submitting work to a publisher goes. It's just too humiliating. 

It also makes me remember a writing seminar I attended at Catonsville Community College in late 1979 or early 1980. One of the speakers told a story about a young writer asking him (the speaker might have been a her, come to think of it, but I'm not at all sure), "When do you know that it's time to give up?" And at the time I thought, "What a pussy! You never give up! No retreat, no surrender! Whoo-ah!"

But now . . . not so much. Also, there are avenues by which to publish your work that don't depend upon someone else approving of it. Blogs, for instance. Amazon Kindle Publishing. Other things of like ilk. So the second thing I'm going to do after I stop writing this is put "Tamas" up on Kindle Publishing, and let it join my aforementioned novel and a short story I put up a long time ago: 










The first thing I'm going to do is feel shitty for awhile.

You've got to have a thick skin to be a writer, Young Poet. Alas, I have virtually no skin at all. If the same is true of you, then please take my advice: get someone else to handle the job of submitting your manuscripts. You just need to worry about the writing.

Jake the Dog and Finn the Human

Woke up at 3 a.m. this morning and couldn't get back to sleep, so I made some coffee and read some James Tiptree until that stomach was full, and then I popped in the second dvd of Adventure Time The Complete Third Season (courtesy of the library--but, unfortunately, the only season they have) and spent some quality time with Jake the Dog and Finn the Human. 

This is one weird show. (E.g. "Balloon music is the future!") I was thoroughly enjoying the shows, but the ante was really upped with Episode 23, "Another Way." Clown nurses with some kind of weird foot fetish . . . and that's just where the episode started. It also made me laugh out loud when Finn was crossing the river. There aren't too many shows that actually make me laugh out loud these days. So a shout out to writers Tom Herpich and Bert Youn.

I also particularly liked "Thank You," also written by Tom Herpich, in which Snow Golem befriends a Firewolf pup . . . even though the Firewolves are his mortal enemies. (Fire, snow.) That one actually managed to be touching as well as funny.

And now I'm watching "Dad's Dungeon" (written by Larry Leichliter), which got another laugh out of me with Jake's "Alright, I'll try to turn into a cheetah farting. I can't do the spots." You probably need the visuals for the complete effect, though.

Oh, man. What a great show. I need some more of this.

Meanwhile, remember these words of wisdom from Finn: "If I didn't cry when people die, I'd have a cold butt for a heart."

(Love, Lightning)

"When two mouths, rendered sacred by love, approach to create, it is impossible that there should not be, above that ineffable kiss, a quivering throughout the immense mystery of stars."

Victor Hugo

Les Misérables

Wonder Woman's Armpits

I believe that the 21st century should be christened The Age of Triviality.

Latest evidence: there's an internet furor over the fact that a snippet from the upcoming Wonder Woman film showed the titular heroine devoid of armpit hair.

No, really.

For fuck's sake.

We've got a president who is guilty of treason, a Congress intent upon stripping poor folks of their newly acquired health insurance, global warming causing havoc in the environment, and there are people up in arms over a comic book heroine's armpits.

For fuck's sake.

More Songs About Calories & Fat (1773)

Skinny people, move on. Nothing to see here.

The following is meant primarily to serve as a Bullshit Detector for me. If anyone Out There derives inspiration from My Struggle, that's lovely, but I don't have any expectation that anyone other than myself will be interested in this. Just sayin', sir.

Continued from http://songsofinnocenceampexperience.blogspot.com/2017/02/for-fellow-fat-people-only-not-short.html

Week 5: Tuesday, 3/21/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, ham and egg 254c, 10 oz water

coffee 10c

Lunch: sunflower seeds 58c, 16 oz water, pretzels 110c

Dinner: vegetable mix 180c,  hoagie 780c*, 10 oz water

yogurt 70c, banana 105c, ff fudge bar 80c

1657 calories

36 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching + 21 minutes (-223 calories) stationary bike. (I did the bike before I'd eaten any lunch, so I burnt most of the calories I had taken in to that point. Felt a little woozy, but not so bad, really.)

* Not exactly diet foot. This was in the refrigerator and I thought about throwing it away, but I hate throwing out food . . . and I just decided to go for it. Fortunately this has been a low calorie day, so I won't be pushed over my 113 limit even with this. Unfortunately, it wasn't really all that good, either, but that's life sometimes.

Wednesday, 3/22/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, sunflower seeds 87c (4 am)

second breakfast coffee 10c, crackers 120c, 2 soft boiled eggs 156c, 16 oz water

sunflower seeds 58c, pretzels 220c, 16 oz water

Lunch: oatmeal 140c, crackers 200c

Dinner: buffalo chicken wrap 610 c, 16 oz water

2 sweet pickles 30c, ff fudge 80c

1721 calories

48 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching + calisthenics (-60 calories) + 21 minutes stationary bike (-230 calories)

Thursday, 3/23/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, hominy toast and fried egg 215c*, 15 oz water

coffee 10c

Lunch: sunflower seeds 145c, apple 95c, 16 oz water

Dinner: salad w/ olives, tomato, bbits, croutons, salad dressing 175c, pizza 600c, 16 oz water

Pretzels 120c, yogurt 70c 

1440 calories

31 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching + 21 minutes stationary bike (-231 calories) This was still strenuous, but I felt much stronger today, and was able to hold my speed at 11 mph for most of the ride. Da da DAT da, getting stronger.

* I know I'm proving my ignorance by commenting on this, but what the hell. I was just astonished as how much food----I got for 215 calories. I mean, a bowl of Cheerios with 2% milk has more calories (228 total, so 13 more, to be precise). And it would leave me much less fulfilled than my hominy, toast, and egg. My aforementioned scale came in very handy with the measuring of the hominy, by the way. I'm glad that I added that to the regimen. 

Friday, 3/24/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, hominy and egg 150c, 10 oz water

Lunch: sunflower seeds 145c, pickle wedge 0c, 16 oz water, pretzels 110c, coffee 10c

Dinner: salad w/ lettuce 5 +  roma tomato 20 + 5 bolives 30 + 2 baby carrots 8 + 2 baby sweet pickles 30 + croutons 30 + ffdressing 20 = 143 c,  16 oz water, soup 360c, ham sandwich 253c, 15 oz water

fffudge 80c, crackers 200c, 16 oz water, 7 vanilla cookies 130c, banana 105c

1696 calories

73 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching and calisthenics with weights (-60) and 21 minute stationary bike ride (4.0 miles, -234 c)

Saturday, 3/25/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, eggy in a basket 155c, 10 oz water

Lunch: ham sandwich 253c, pretzels 110c, granola bar 160c, 16 oz water, chips 140c. Coffee 10c

Dinner: salad 117c, rice 185c, beef tips 170c, vegetables in cheese sauce 60c (532 c dinner)

Pretzels 110c, 15 oz water

1480 calories

41 oz water

Exercise: stretching and calisthenics with weights, 20 sit ups

Sunday, 3/26/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, ham (45) bread (65) egg (90) 16 oz water [210c]

Lunch: ham sandwich 253 c, coffee 5c, 16 oz water [258c]

Dinner: salad 105c, spaghetti 560*, sauce 80, fake meat 70 [815]

16 oz water

sunflower seeds 277c, pretzels 110c, fudge bar 80c

* Man, and this was for vegetable spaghetti. Sheesh. Might want to steer away from that shit in the future . . . had no idea it would be so many calories until I did the weight with my food scale. 

1750 calories

48 ounces water 

Exercise: stretching + 20 sit-ups + 21 minutes stationary bike (4.1 miles, -241 calories). Not doing the bike yesterday seems to have given me a boost--was able to maintain steady 11 mph the whole time. It's always become obvious that this stationary bike is a much better work out than riding my real bike. Maybe I'll just reserve that for a break on a sunny day.

Weight: 248 pounds 

My initial reaction on seeing those numbers on my scale was disappointment. I want to lose more faster. But then I tool a breath and looked back at my first entry on this My Fat Struggle journey: It was 2/21, and I weighed 260 pounds. So not quite five weeks ago. And twelve pounds down. It really looks a lot better when I look at it this way. Which is important, because I know what happens if I allow myself to get frustrated: I say, Well, fuck it, then, I want to go eat a bag of lime-flavored tortilla chips. And then I'm off and running. Running slowly, that is. Until I start rolling. And roll right back up to 270 pounds. Or more. And that's something else that I should keep in my mind. I have actually lost 22 pounds from my heaviest. Actually maybe more. I think I was actually up to 276 pounds at my highest. Okay, I'm officially going to stop thinking about this now. I lost a couple more pounds. Woo-ah.

Monday, 3/27/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, ham (45) bread (65) egg (90) 10 oz water [210c]

Lunch: sunflower seeds 165c, 16 oz water [165c]

Dinner: salad 105c, soup 200c, vegetable mix 140c, crackers 86c

16 oz water [531c] *

16 oz water, ff fudge bar 80c

986 calories

58 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching + weights + sit-ups + 22 minute stationary bike ride (4.0 miles -237 calories)

* Something I haven't experienced for a very long time happened after dinner today. I felt full. And dinner wasn't really anything impressive . . . so I'm thinking it is probably at least in part due to the fact that I hadn't eaten much for breakfast and lunch. 

Speaking of dinner . . . Jacqueline wanted macaroni and cheese. And that sounded good to me, too, and it'd been a long time since I'd had any of that kind of thing, so I thought about joining her. Then I looked at these facts:

Wow. That is a hella big difference, isn't it? So I went for the soup. Two cups of it. And I dumped in a mixed vegetable thing, too. And ate 8 saltine crackers with it. For a total of 426 crackers. (And if I'd only eaten five crackers it would've been an even 400.) I'm sure that's no big deal to anybody else, but it is a bit of a revelation for me. There was a time when I wouldn't have thought twice about eating macaroni for dinner. And I'd probably have had two cups of it. And maybe a couple of slices of ham as well. Which would have put dinner at around 1,000 calories. Which is still not all that terrible, I suppose, but it's a lot more than 426, foe shoe. I've also stopped (1) sampling foods I make for the kids and (2) cleaning up the leftovers from their plates. Learning that a few bites here and there really add up over the course of a day.

Week 6: Tuesday, 3/28/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, ham (45) bread (65) egg (90) 10 oz water [210c]

Lunch: sunflower seeds 165c, 16 oz water  [165c]

16 oz water

Dinner: rice w/ butter 210c, vegetable mix 180c,  1 ounce ham 41c [431]

yogurt 70c, pretzels 110c

986 calories

58 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching + 20 sit-ups + 21 minute stationary bike (4.2 miles -244 calories)

Wednesday, 3/29/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, oatmeal 170c, 16 oz water [180c

Lunch: coffee 10c, 16 oz water, sunflower seeds 165c  [175c]

16 oz water

Dinner: salad 115c (lettuce 5+bolives 60+ pickles 30+ dressing 20), ham 123c, spaghetti  . . . lots of spaghetti . . . 680c, 16 oz water [918c]

Pretzels 110c, yogurt 70c, banana 105c, fffudge 80c

1638 calories*

64 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching and calisthenics with weights + 20 sit-ups + 22:30 minute stationary bike ride (4.3 miles, -250 calories)

And according to CalorieLab, cutting the lawn with a walking mower burns 306 calories per hour, so there goes another -459.

* After two under 1000 calories days I kind of wanted to see if I could keep that going, but I started cutting the grass before I eat any dinner except for my salad, and with a mere 470 calories in me . . .  and having already burned 250 on the stationary bike (and probably another 60 or so on calisthenics), I knew that I was asking for trouble. So I ate a whole 6 ounces of vegetable spaghetti with tomato sauce. Mmmm. It also marks the third day in a row in which I've actually felt full after eating dinner. It's a good feeling.

Thursday, 3/30/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, oatmeal 170c, 10 oz water [180c]

Lunch: small banana 90c, sunflower seeds 165c, 16 oz water, eggs 270c, almonds 80c    [605c]

16 oz water

Dinner: salad lettuce 5 + croutons 30 + bbits 30 + radishes 3 + tomato 20 + salad dressing 20 108c, vegetable mix 60c, steak 443 c, rice 160 c, 16 oz tea 10c [781 c]

artichoke heart 10c, yogurt 70c pretzels 110c, 16 oz water

1756 calories

58 ounces of water

Exercise: cut sister's grass, 1 hour = -306 calories. Which is why I ate the eggs. Shakespeare got to get paid, son.

Friday, 3/31/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, instant oatmeal 140, small banana 90c, 16 oz water [240c]

Lunch: almonds 80c, ham sandwich 253c, pretzels 110c, 16 oz water [443c]

Dinner: salad lettuce 5 radishes 3 tomato 20 bolives 30 croutons 30 bbits 30  dressing 20 138c, beef tips 170c, rice 185c, vegetable mix 90c, 16 oz water [583]

cookies 140c, sunflowers seeds 165c, crackers 100 c, fffudge bar 80c

  1751 calories

48 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching, weights, 20 sit-ups (up to 20 minute regimen now, - 175 calories), 21 minute stationary bike ride (4.2 miles,        - 245 calories)

Saturday, 4/1/2017

Food:

Breakfast: 16 oz water, coffee 10c, eggy in basket 155c, ham 41c, [206c]

Lunch: coffee 10c, almonds 80c, sunflowers seeds 165c [255c]

Dinner: banana 105c, vegetable spaghetti 600c, vegetable mix 140c, ham 123c [968]

pretzels 110c, apple 95C, yogurt 110c

1744 calories

32 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching + 20 sit-ups + 22 minute bike ride (4.3 miles, -250 calories)

Sunday, 4/2/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, banana and oatmeal 245c, 16 oz water [255c]

Lunch: sunflowers seeds 165c, 16 oz water [165c]

16 oz water

Dinner: salad lettuce 5c, roma tomato 20c, radishes 3c, dressing 20c, cucumber 12c, sprouts 10c  70c, 3 crab cakes 435c, vegetable mix 140c, vegetable spaghetti 350c [995c] *

crackers 120c, 16 oz water, yogurt 70c

1605 calories

64 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching + weights + 25 sit-ups (-175 calories) + stationary bike 23 minutes, 4.5 miles, -260 calories)

Weight: 242 pounds Um . . . did I really lose 6 pounds in the past week? Doesn't seem possible, but maybe. I did have a couple of really low calorie days, no over my goal days, and I did a couple of hours on the stationary bike . . . and cut two lawns. So maybe. As I've said previously, I don't really trust these weigh-ins completely because a meal or a shit or a drink or a piss can change your weight, but . . . my scale said 242 pounds, so I'm going to let myself feel good about that. 

* As for this diet . . . this so-called diet . . . I just finished dinner, and I am very full. Here's what it looked like:

That's a whole lot of food, ennit? Of course, part of the reason that I was able to have such a prodigious meal is because I had a smallish breakfast and virtually no lunch to speak of, but still . . . this is a diet? Does Nutri-System know about this?

Monday, 4/3/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, eggy in basket 155c, ham 66c, 16 oz water [231c]

almonds 80c, 15 oz water

Lunch: 5 pringles* 50c, sunflower seeds 99c [229c]

Dinner: salad lettuce 5, roma tomato 20, radishes 3, dressing 30, cucumber 12, sprouts 10 80c, 3 crab cakes 435c, 19 oz water [515c]

almonds 80c, pretzels 110c, crackers 120c, yogurt 70c

fffudge bar 80c  

  1435 calories

50 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching + sit-ups 25 + stationary bike 23 minutes, -260 calories

* Therein lies the rub. I'm not sorry that I ate five Pringles. Not at all. And they were quite tasty. But (1) I wanted to eat a lot more than five, (2) two months ago I would have eaten a lot more than five . . . say twenty-five, which would have been 250 calories, and (3) there are other things (vegetables, fruit, meat) which would have given me more bang for the buck than five Pringles. Just sayin', sir.

Week 7: Tuesday, 4/4/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, eggy in basket 155c, 16 oz water [165c]

Lunch: coffee 10c, sunflowers seeds 165c, almonds 80c [255c]

16 oz water 

Dinner: salad lettuce 5, tomato 20, radishes 3, cucumber 12, artichoke heart 10, dressing 20 70c, soup 160c, 2 slice bread 130c, 16 oz water [360c]

yogurt 70c, pretzels 110c, 16 oz water, crackers 120c

1080 calories

64 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching + weights + 25 sit-ups + stationery bike 23 minute, 4.4 miles, -257 calories) It occurs to me that this stationary bike business, which I was very adverse to doing, has proven to be a great boon in my attempts to lose fat. Those long bike rides (over ten miles) were good, and I obviously burned some fat by doing them, but I am absolutely sure that I am burning more on the SB because there is no let up, no coasting. No uphill effort, either, but I am sure that I am entering the aerobic zone for a sustained period of time is the way to melt the fat. I just looked up a couple of articles on this which seem to say that burning calories without being in the aerobic zone really is a different kettle of fish. I might look into that a bit more. Or I might not, because what I care about is that I just burned over 250 calories in 23 minutes, and that as of this writing that puts me at -92 calories for the day, so ahmo go eat something.

Wednesday, 4/5/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, eggy in basket 155c,  2 ounces ham 82c, 16 oz water [247c]

Lunch: sunflowers 165c, almonds 80c, 16 oz water 

Ham sandwich 123 + 130 = 253c,  pretzels 110c, 16 oz water. [608c]

Cookies 140c

Dinner: salad lettuce 5 radishes 3 cucumber 12, artichoke heart 10, sprouts 10 olives 30, artichoke juice 8 78c, organic chicken wild rice soup 180c, roll 90c, 16 oz water [348c]

granola bar 160c, cantaloupe 137c, pretzels 110c

1750 calories

64 ounces of water

Exercise: cut my lawn (-459 calories) And that was going to be that for me, but then late afternoon my legs started hurting, so I started to do some stretches, and I was listening to NPR as I did them and there was a story about how Diabetes is now the number one killer in Mexico, and they interviewed a guy whose mom had to have both of her feet amputated because of diabetes, and I went in and got on my bike and started peddling. 23 minutes, 4.4 miles, -260 calories. Let's go, baby. I think I'll try to go to 25 minutes starting tomorrow.

Thursday, 4/6/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, 2 soft boiled eggs156c, 2 pieces of toast 130c, 16 oz water [296c]

Lunch: banana 105c, almonds 80c, 8 oz vegetable juice 50c 

coffee 10c, sunflower seeds 165c, artichoke heart 10c, pretzels 110c [530c]

Dinner: salad lettuce 5, bolives 30, radishes 3, cucumber 12, bbits 30, croutons 30, dressing 20, tomato 20 150c,  porch chop sandwich 295c, steak 375c, rice 90c, 16 oz water [910]

Sugar free jello 5c

1741 calories

32 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching, calisthenics with weights, 25 sit-ups, 25 minute stationary bike ride (4.7 miles -277 calories)

Friday, 4/7/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, eggy in basket 155c, ham 41c, 16 oz water [206c]

Lunch: coffee 10c, pork chop (118c) sandwich 298c, almonds 80c, sunflower seeds 165c, 16 oz water [553]

cookies 140c, crackers 120c, popsicle 30c 290c

16 oz water

Dinner: salad lettuce 5 tomato 20 cucumber 12 bolives 30 radishes 3 dressing 20 90c

crab cakes 435c, brown rice 150c [675]

16 oz water jell o 5c

1729 calories

64 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching and 25 sit-ups

Y'know, the past three days have been a little more difficult than the couple of weeks preceding them. I've been feeling hungrier, eating more--though still keeping under the 1773 max. I don't know if it's because I've been (overall) exercising more or if it's just my body yearning to return to its old, not-accountable-to-you days. But I'm pretty sure that if I let myself say, "Hey, I've been working hard; I deserve to have a little extra today" that that will be the beginning of the end for this little endeavor. So I'm trying to keep my feet on the asphalt. Which would be easier if I could see the pounds dropping off of me more rapidly, but that's not how it works, I suppose. It seems like there is slow progress, plateau, plateau, plateau, slow progress. C'est la graisse. 

Saturday, 4/8/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, oatmeal w/ small banana 140 + 90 = 230c, 16 oz water [240c]

Lunch: sunflower seeds 165c, coffee 10c, ham sandwich 273 w/ olive oil mayonnaise 50 (and yes, it actually was worth it) [498c]

16 oz water

Dinner: salad lettuce 5 tomato 20 radishes 3 cucumber 12 croutons 30 bbits 30 artichoke 10 110c,  Kroger V8 50c, chicken taco w/ rice 305c [415c]

fruit 70c, almonds 120c, yogurt 70c, pretzels 110c, popsicle 60c, crackers 120c

1703 calories

32 ounces of water

Exercise: cut Mary's grass (only 50 minutes today, so -257 calories), stretching, weights, 25 sit-ups and stationary bike 25 minutes 4.7 miles -277 calories. Was feeling quite fatigued whilst exercising, and my first thought was, I should feel better today, not worse: I took a day off yesterday, after all. But it was only a couple of hours after I cut Mary's grass, and I think that took a lot more out of me than I realized. Time for a nap now.

Sunday, 4/9/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, eggy in basket 155c, 8 oz Kroger V8 50c  [215c]

Lunch: sunflower seeds 165c, 16 oz water [165c]

Dinner: salad lettuce 5 radishes 3 cucumber 12 tomato 20 croutons 30 bbits 30 artichoke 15 = 115c, rice 185, beef tips 170, veg in cheese sauce  60, 16 oz water [530c]

pretzels 110c, yogurt 70c

ham sandwich 143 + 130 +50 = 323, cookies 130c  [633c]

popsicle 60c

 1603 calories

32 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching + 30 sit-ups + stationary bike 25 minutes, 5 miles, -291 calories

Weight: 240 lbs

Monday, 4/10/2017

Food:

Breakfast: coffee 10c, oatmeal 140c, 16 oz water [150c]

Lunch: coffee 10c, sunflower seeds 165c, vegetable juice 50c [225c]

Dinner: salad lettuce 5 + tomato 20 + croutons 30 + bbits 30 + artichoke 15 radishes 3 + cucumber 12 = 115c, crab cakes 290c, rice 213c, fruit175c, pretzels 110c, cantaloupe 93, 16 oz water [996c] *

yogurt 70c, ham 143c

1584 calories

16 ounces of water

Exercise: stretching and weights+30 sit-ups+20/10 bench+25 minutes stationary bike (5 miles -291 calories)

* Good example of how calories can pile up. Nothing that I ate in this dinner was bad, but the calories really added up. Good thing that I had a really low calories morning and afternoon, or it would have been very difficult to come in under 1773 today. 

875@11:22am 4/4/17

886@ 8:11am 4/8/17

892@12:26pm4/10/17

907@11:42am4-23-2017