jacquelinE talkS tO churcheS

Anytime we're on Bardstown Road or its environs, Jacqueline asks to go past St. James Catholic Church. Once his steeple comes into view, she begins a conversation by saying (in her high-pitched, almost heliumistic voice), "Hello, St. James!" She then assumes a deep, throaty voice and responds, "HELLO, JACQUELINE. I'M DOING GOOD." Sometimes it ends there, sometimes it goes on a bit. "How's your wife, St. Agnes?" "SHE'S DOING GOOD." (Agnes--another Catholic church in the area--is pronounced in elongated fashion, with heavy emphasis on AG: AAAG-Nuss.) And even, "How's your daughter, St. Lucy?" (LOOO-see) "SHE'S DOING GOOD." I started getting involved in this. I'd be the one to say hello when St. James came into view, and Jacqueline would alternare between being St. James and being Jacqueline. (Jacqueline Michelle Kalb if you don't mind.) I'd ask St. James about the wife and kids ("THEY'RE DOING GOOD."), about the weather ("IT'S DOING GOOD."), and about anything else that I could think of. Invariably St. James would look upon it and it was GOOD. The conversations would always end with, "Good-bye. See you soon," or, if the upcoming Sunday was my day with the kids, "See you Sunday."

One morning as we were leaving St. James, Jacqueline turned and started walking back up the sidewalk that goes along the side and to the back of the church. I asked her what she was doing, but she kept going. Then she took a right turn and went back to where there was a little corner, and she leaned up against the bricks for a second, then pulled away and walked back to me. "What are you doing, baby?" I asked her. "Just giving St. James a hug," she replied. 

I don't remember when all of this started. I do remember that the precursor to the talking to St. James exercises was Jacqueline's oft shared observation that, "Churches eat flies." I liked that bit so much that I begged for her to write it down and illustrate it, and she finally agreed to it and did so. It probably cost me a dollar or two. (The girl thoroughly understands the value of holding out for the best possible deal.)

Jacqueline likes to get to church early. An hour early is her preference. This makes some sense when she is singing with the choir, but when the choir is off (as it was this whole summer), it's hard to understand and harder to bear. But she likes to sit in the pew and wait for people to arrive. She usually sits still, very prim & proper, and waits for the service to begin. Once it does begin, she is all business, singing loudly when she knows the hymn, struggling gamely (and loudly) when she doesn't. When it's time for communion she gets up and goes by herself, takes both bread and wine, and returns to her seat and sits reverently while the rest of the worshippers take their turns.